WEEK 10: brokenhal0 vs Candy vs Symetrik SYM WINS

Johnny 6 feet · 06-16-2020, 06:43 PM

Candy- Seemed a straightforward take to the picture although there were some lines that went over my head in this. A kind of philosophy/metaphor heavy piece here that put me in mind of someone sitting in their room and letting their mind drift. Rhyme scheme was a little stilted here and there which impacted the flow of the overall piece.

symetrik- Interesting style you've got man. I liked the poetic feel to the piece which conjured up the picture of a man with a brain tumour who's slowly losing his grip on reality. Was that what you were going for? If so, it worked. The fragmented lines really hammered the idea home. Nice, straightforward choice of words which established the character, where he was and what he was feeling. Good stuff.

brokenhal0- metaphor heavy piece from you that put me in mind of a guy literally pulling the strings of his brain to produce philosophical musings. A lot of obscure references in here that required a re-read to understand more deeply. It's connection to the picture wasn't as strong as the previous pieces but, in terms of rhyme scheme and vocab choice it was a strong verse. Just wish you'd connected it to the image a little more.

Vote- symetrik, best take on the topic and strongest imagery imo. Good work guys.

06-16-2020, 06:43 PM	#10
Johnny 6 feet Storyteller Join Date: May 2020 Posts: 446 Battle Record: 8-4 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League Rep Power: 5558447	Candy- Seemed a straightforward take to the picture although there were some lines that went over my head in this. A kind of philosophy/metaphor heavy piece here that put me in mind of someone sitting in their room and letting their mind drift. Rhyme scheme was a little stilted here and there which impacted the flow of the overall piece. symetrik- Interesting style you've got man. I liked the poetic feel to the piece which conjured up the picture of a man with a brain tumour who's slowly losing his grip on reality. Was that what you were going for? If so, it worked. The fragmented lines really hammered the idea home. Nice, straightforward choice of words which established the character, where he was and what he was feeling. Good stuff. brokenhal0- metaphor heavy piece from you that put me in mind of a guy literally pulling the strings of his brain to produce philosophical musings. A lot of obscure references in here that required a re-read to understand more deeply. It's connection to the picture wasn't as strong as the previous pieces but, in terms of rhyme scheme and vocab choice it was a strong verse. Just wish you'd connected it to the image a little more. Vote- symetrik, best take on the topic and strongest imagery imo. Good work guys.