Bonus battle: Vulgar vs. Vividlyvague \\ Vulgar wins 4-1

Certain · 06-07-2014, 01:13 PM

This doesn't count toward league records but does count toward league voting.

We'll do first to five, 3-0 shutout like most battle arena matches.

Certain · 06-07-2014, 01:14 PM

VULGAR

The Minister of Waterways had his hands full this evening
he commissioned scientists to take samples of tree rings
to determine the reactions affecting the blue absinthe snow
turning it into a lifeless substance throughout the globe
He motioned to his secretary to get the president on the line
she gave him a grim look - he guessed what was on her mind
Transatlantic geysers erupted, at first the Aussies
theorized the Earth was contaminated by human germs & proxies
More mature parties calculated that the terms were costly
that the surf from salt seas had converged into a furnished, gloss sheen
In massive strains, the acid rains were onyx petrol, Turkish coffee
never served with malt cream, spawning utility worker crossbreeds
they soon populated each glistening urban offspring
no pensions, just a penchant for the murky myrmidon sleet
Lieutenants deserted their purple concrete guard towers...
conscientiously objecting to the absence of light, with God vouchers
supply tanks and levees were bursting, falling down
Merc's were all around...
deltas were charred skulls with serpents crawling out
the plague acted as the catalyst for the church of Baltic crowns
"it burnt our fossil alms and made us unlearn Teutonic vows"
Baptisms were outlawed, considered useless
the unborn thirsted for a few sips of crisp Mt. Plymouth juices
Ravines and lakes were reservoirs of muck in the wetter countries
what was once fresh was hellish aloe vera in Venom's bloodstream
wretched dunnage - midnight Arabian silt, the texture hummus
a little unbecometh of such a plentiful world, the threat's among us

Beneath the pools, under the ice, spreading brackish debris
a scenic womb with jumbled up pipes, and lots of acrid disease
The lead surpasses the green...
who's to blame for banishing clean liquid?
was it an unholy creature forging black holes out of molten ether?
The realization of the devil's son's florid Easter
full of ivory harlots, inky, waxen basins and classic maidens
along with other items sprung from gothic imagination
that you wouldn't find blooming in gardens in the summertime
pardon the parlance of sullen, sun kissed grime
The universe doesn't see a gray area since it's colorblind
yet like Fukushima, our demise was never less publicized
The Minister of Waterways took a draught of coffee, then sighed
because purity was as isolated as a lost Somalian tribe

Topic used: 5. All of the water on Earth has turned black.

Certain · 06-07-2014, 01:15 PM

VIVIDLYVAGUE

This was routine. Black cats with a sedative gaze; a morphene.
Caution before me, I slunk along shadows down the torn streets.
Avoiding every miniature crevice, I'd horned three
times, watching night's derivative essence in her hosting.
And in an exchange later she was home free.
"Hey, Boo... my shift is over and I need you ta bone me..."
Our smiles crossed in a lipping clasp, fingers woven.
"Baby... you got me open..." each stroke in
gave me chills. No barrier to offspring as I hope it.
"It's all yours, Daddy... take it!" Faster, harder- like this old civic.
The jones grows as I contort for the bone's pivot...
"Thats my spot, Boo! Ahhhh shit! It's
coming!!!" A short rattle and moan put us on exhibit.
"You ok?" Her smile was confirmation she enjoyed the visit.

This was more than a formality. Work on monday.
Is there a reason I'm here? I wanna leave with her to a sunny place...
Somewhere where breeze is the local language... but love is what you say.
Where staplers have wings and take kamikaze dives into seas far away.
Where- "Hey, Keith! Your assessment results came in on the cart today..."
I've been diagnosed with cancer? I need her support to calm this pain...

This was real. Nobody could inform me not. She killed my pangs.
She built a fortress in my heart with her guards and tanks.
With her friends that drive by to see her and pay.
Her boss with the shabby fur and crystal cane...
Is she a...? "Hey babe! You said a test didn't go your way?
What's it for?" Genuine curiosity stopped my focus in-place.
"According to my yearly blood check, I have cancer."
"Just wait. Hold up. Haha... that's it?" She laughs in my face?
"Why don't you care? We love each other, right?"
"So nobody happened to tell you you got AIDS?"

Adonis · 06-08-2014, 02:13 AM

Very close bout. You both had key movements of vivid imagery, one of the earth,the other of carnal bedroom sins. I can't say I loved either, you've both dropped shit far superior than this. I felt like you both played it safer them usual in the flow department as well. In the end though, both of these were satisfying reads and a very similar level. It's a tough vote. I'm always such a huge fan of ending the world and ancient God's and shit so Vulgar played well to that. On the other hand, the raw emoting in vivids imagery was pretty clean and I equally enjoyed it. So in the end, for me anyways, it came down to the humor factor. Did vivid play the right card with those final lines of the girl having aids, the dude finding out he has cancer, but her basically saying, look, you got bigger issues. I loved it.

Voting vivid in what is very eerily similar in terms of mechanics and imagery. Good shit boys.

Zen · 06-08-2014, 04:28 PM

Vivid: Loved the humor in the beginning but then it got to the point where he found out he has cancer and he's like, well shit I betta call ma bitch. Didn't like that part...until I found out she has AIDS. It was refreshing then because the whole piece had a light hearted feel to it. Dudes double dying now. Sad, but kinda funny. Btw, that woman should be punched in the face.

Vulgar: This topic was made for you and you killed it honestly. You definitely had the better rhymes, especially in the first half. You set the scene very well with the descriptive language too which is what I think is your strong point. The serpents in skulls part sticks out to me. I hate snakes so you fucked up my day with that image. This was quality writing though. Best I've read so far this week.

V/Vulgar

Close battle here. Nice work by both.

cyph her · 06-08-2014, 07:01 PM

Vul - Happy this topic was selected. I pondered it.. Was the most difficult of topics imo..

that you wouldn't find blooming in gardens in the summertime
pardon the parlance of sullen, sun kissed grime
The universe doesn't see a gray area since it's colorblind
yet like Fukushima, our demise was never less publicized
The Minister of Waterways took a draught of coffee, then sighed
because purity was as isolated as a lost Somalian tribe

Loved the descriptiveness of this piece.. The use of imagery was very imaginative and coupled with the ease of the rhyme scheme made for a compelling read...

Viv -

Right off the bat, you swung hard...

This was routine. Black cats with a sedative gaze; a morphene.
Caution before me, I slunk along shadows down the torn streets.

The visuals came alive immediately, without any build up.. Which is highly desirable.. It seems you wrote it in instances, because it seemed choppy, at times... I imagine it's fairly common to revisit but it always reads very telling..

V - Vulgar - Struggled with this one... but ultimately, the story line of Vulgar's piece I found more interesting..

Bladed Thesis · 06-08-2014, 07:29 PM

Overall: Vulgar. I felt Vivid's piece probably had the stronger topical take on it but he just didn't develop it very well. Both were strong with vocab and wording, multies were also good from both. In the end, it came down to Vulgar working his topic better and giving the reader a strong full verse and developing each part of it.

Good battle, guys.

Certain · 06-09-2014, 02:55 AM

Vulgar: This definitely was the best-written verse of the week. I loved the thematic unity of various colors and forms of water running throughout, and the panic of the people trying to solve this catastrophe was palpable. This is you at your full storytelling strength. But a storyteller needs a story, and you didn't really have one, at least not one that moved beyond the fundamental statement of the topic. Sure, you explored the concept of human existence in a world with black water. But you never brought any sense of purpose to this. I was compelled but wanted about three times more, with a story developed.

Vividlyvague: The first stanza was the best writing I've ever seen from you. But with every line, it seemed to get a little sloppier. I don't know how to explain it, but I became less and less compelled by the diction as the story went on. You didn't match up to the tightness and intelligence displayed in Vulgar's verse. But you did have a more interesting and complete story. If you had better developed the characters and done more to foreshadow that twist at the end, I think this could have been a great verse. Instead, that all felt out of the blue. I guess I was supposed to laugh, but I didn't. Still, I liked this and think you have progressed a lot this season.

Vote: Vulgar

06-07-2014, 01:13 PM	#1
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,066 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899406	Bonus battle: Vulgar vs. Vividlyvague \\ Vulgar wins 4-1 This doesn't count toward league records but does count toward league voting. We'll do first to five, 3-0 shutout like most battle arena matches. __________________ I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.

06-08-2014, 02:13 AM	#4
Adonis Tsk Tsk Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Beer Goggles Posts: 4,834 Battle Record: 36-34 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - NFL Pick'em 2016-17 Rep Power: 9946449	Very close bout. You both had key movements of vivid imagery, one of the earth,the other of carnal bedroom sins. I can't say I loved either, you've both dropped shit far superior than this. I felt like you both played it safer them usual in the flow department as well. In the end though, both of these were satisfying reads and a very similar level. It's a tough vote. I'm always such a huge fan of ending the world and ancient God's and shit so Vulgar played well to that. On the other hand, the raw emoting in vivids imagery was pretty clean and I equally enjoyed it. So in the end, for me anyways, it came down to the humor factor. Did vivid play the right card with those final lines of the girl having aids, the dude finding out he has cancer, but her basically saying, look, you got bigger issues. I loved it. Voting vivid in what is very eerily similar in terms of mechanics and imagery. Good shit boys. __________________ I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is TUPAC SHAKUR

06-08-2014, 07:01 PM	#6
cyph her decept the con Join Date: Jun 2013 Location: San Jose, CA Posts: 126 Battle Record: 2-2 Rep Power: 0	Vul - Happy this topic was selected. I pondered it.. Was the most difficult of topics imo.. that you wouldn't find blooming in gardens in the summertime pardon the parlance of sullen, sun kissed grime The universe doesn't see a gray area since it's colorblind yet like Fukushima, our demise was never less publicized The Minister of Waterways took a draught of coffee, then sighed because purity was as isolated as a lost Somalian tribe Loved the descriptiveness of this piece.. The use of imagery was very imaginative and coupled with the ease of the rhyme scheme made for a compelling read... Viv - Right off the bat, you swung hard... This was routine. Black cats with a sedative gaze; a morphene. Caution before me, I slunk along shadows down the torn streets. The visuals came alive immediately, without any build up.. Which is highly desirable.. It seems you wrote it in instances, because it seemed choppy, at times... I imagine it's fairly common to revisit but it always reads very telling.. V - Vulgar - Struggled with this one... but ultimately, the story line of Vulgar's piece I found more interesting.. __________________ It's rap time.. For you, that means nap time..

06-08-2014, 07:29 PM	#7
Bladed Thesis ExSol Meets HolyIsh Join Date: Apr 2014 Location: IRL Posts: 148 Battle Record: 4-2 Rep Power: 2127062	Overall: Vulgar. I felt Vivid's piece probably had the stronger topical take on it but he just didn't develop it very well. Both were strong with vocab and wording, multies were also good from both. In the end, it came down to Vulgar working his topic better and giving the reader a strong full verse and developing each part of it. Good battle, guys. __________________ mere morals fall again, mere mortals stall my blades? ive gone everywhere 'n everywhere gone gotten Hall of Fame

06-09-2014, 02:55 AM	#8
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,066 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899406	Vulgar: This definitely was the best-written verse of the week. I loved the thematic unity of various colors and forms of water running throughout, and the panic of the people trying to solve this catastrophe was palpable. This is you at your full storytelling strength. But a storyteller needs a story, and you didn't really have one, at least not one that moved beyond the fundamental statement of the topic. Sure, you explored the concept of human existence in a world with black water. But you never brought any sense of purpose to this. I was compelled but wanted about three times more, with a story developed. Vividlyvague: The first stanza was the best writing I've ever seen from you. But with every line, it seemed to get a little sloppier. I don't know how to explain it, but I became less and less compelled by the diction as the story went on. You didn't match up to the tightness and intelligence displayed in Vulgar's verse. But you did have a more interesting and complete story. If you had better developed the characters and done more to foreshadow that twist at the end, I think this could have been a great verse. Instead, that all felt out of the blue. I guess I was supposed to laugh, but I didn't. Still, I liked this and think you have progressed a lot this season. Vote: Vulgar __________________ I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.

06-07-2014, 01:14 PM	#2
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,066 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899406	VULGAR The Minister of Waterways had his hands full this evening he commissioned scientists to take samples of tree rings to determine the reactions affecting the blue absinthe snow turning it into a lifeless substance throughout the globe He motioned to his secretary to get the president on the line she gave him a grim look - he guessed what was on her mind Transatlantic geysers erupted, at first the Aussies theorized the Earth was contaminated by human germs & proxies More mature parties calculated that the terms were costly that the surf from salt seas had converged into a furnished, gloss sheen In massive strains, the acid rains were onyx petrol, Turkish coffee never served with malt cream, spawning utility worker crossbreeds they soon populated each glistening urban offspring no pensions, just a penchant for the murky myrmidon sleet Lieutenants deserted their purple concrete guard towers... conscientiously objecting to the absence of light, with God vouchers supply tanks and levees were bursting, falling down Merc's were all around... deltas were charred skulls with serpents crawling out the plague acted as the catalyst for the church of Baltic crowns "it burnt our fossil alms and made us unlearn Teutonic vows" Baptisms were outlawed, considered useless the unborn thirsted for a few sips of crisp Mt. Plymouth juices Ravines and lakes were reservoirs of muck in the wetter countries what was once fresh was hellish aloe vera in Venom's bloodstream wretched dunnage - midnight Arabian silt, the texture hummus a little unbecometh of such a plentiful world, the threat's among us Beneath the pools, under the ice, spreading brackish debris a scenic womb with jumbled up pipes, and lots of acrid disease The lead surpasses the green... who's to blame for banishing clean liquid? was it an unholy creature forging black holes out of molten ether? The realization of the devil's son's florid Easter full of ivory harlots, inky, waxen basins and classic maidens along with other items sprung from gothic imagination that you wouldn't find blooming in gardens in the summertime pardon the parlance of sullen, sun kissed grime The universe doesn't see a gray area since it's colorblind yet like Fukushima, our demise was never less publicized The Minister of Waterways took a draught of coffee, then sighed because purity was as isolated as a lost Somalian tribe Topic used: 5. All of the water on Earth has turned black.

06-07-2014, 01:15 PM	#3
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,066 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899406	VIVIDLYVAGUE This was routine. Black cats with a sedative gaze; a morphene. Caution before me, I slunk along shadows down the torn streets. Avoiding every miniature crevice, I'd horned three times, watching night's derivative essence in her hosting. And in an exchange later she was home free. "Hey, Boo... my shift is over and I need you ta bone me..." Our smiles crossed in a lipping clasp, fingers woven. "Baby... you got me open..." each stroke in gave me chills. No barrier to offspring as I hope it. "It's all yours, Daddy... take it!" Faster, harder- like this old civic. The jones grows as I contort for the bone's pivot... "Thats my spot, Boo! Ahhhh shit! It's coming!!!" A short rattle and moan put us on exhibit. "You ok?" Her smile was confirmation she enjoyed the visit. This was more than a formality. Work on monday. Is there a reason I'm here? I wanna leave with her to a sunny place... Somewhere where breeze is the local language... but love is what you say. Where staplers have wings and take kamikaze dives into seas far away. Where- "Hey, Keith! Your assessment results came in on the cart today..." I've been diagnosed with cancer? I need her support to calm this pain... This was real. Nobody could inform me not. She killed my pangs. She built a fortress in my heart with her guards and tanks. With her friends that drive by to see her and pay. Her boss with the shabby fur and crystal cane... Is she a...? "Hey babe! You said a test didn't go your way? What's it for?" Genuine curiosity stopped my focus in-place. "According to my yearly blood check, I have cancer." "Just wait. Hold up. Haha... that's it?" She laughs in my face? "Why don't you care? We love each other, right?" "So nobody happened to tell you you got AIDS?"

06-08-2014, 04:28 PM	#5
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	Vivid: Loved the humor in the beginning but then it got to the point where he found out he has cancer and he's like, well shit I betta call ma bitch. Didn't like that part...until I found out she has AIDS. It was refreshing then because the whole piece had a light hearted feel to it. Dudes double dying now. Sad, but kinda funny. Btw, that woman should be punched in the face. Vulgar: This topic was made for you and you killed it honestly. You definitely had the better rhymes, especially in the first half. You set the scene very well with the descriptive language too which is what I think is your strong point. The serpents in skulls part sticks out to me. I hate snakes so you fucked up my day with that image. This was quality writing though. Best I've read so far this week. V/Vulgar Close battle here. Nice work by both.