Language Burrier

CopyPat · 02-05-2014, 05:02 PM

The bonafied most trusted, often keepin all these rhymes so gushed, I’m off the deep end
Caught ya sleepin, cots and z’s when spittin ya raps ya jaw’s fatiguing
Officially wack. Walkin breathin shit of a man, that’s always greasin’
I’m Mr. Miyagi crossed between a pistol I’m bangin gongs for weeks
Listen you faggots, I’m off the streets, my living is lavish, Dawson’s Creek
I’m kidding, I’m average, not extreme. But getting the cash ain’t hard for me
Shit on the rap game, cop some feces. I’m different that way, an awkward species
My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete
I’m silly with nouns, drop a beat and really get down. Lava deep
Illy with sounds obviously killing you clowns, comically.
Like Gilligan’s Island ya’ll is beached. While I’m spitting a mile of solid sea
The spillage could drown a soccer field and fill in surrounding properties
I’m liquid just dousing causing scenes, you spitting a drought see, hardly leak
The villain who vowed to haunt ya dreams, cause your vision is clouded, can’t you see?
I’m sick of the baggage these panties speak, like they skivvies is scandalous. Pack some heat
Really I’m fabulous actually, living frivolous the glass is crammed to me
Not half empty, got apathy? Then fix it and act. Stop draggin feet
God damn you weak, all fragile geeks. You all actin beef, it’s all sandwich meat
Balsamic speak cause ya wine in ya sentence, all facts that lead to vagina infections
Bitches

Wise Wiggles · 02-05-2014, 05:17 PM

holy bajesus. up until hardly leak this was fucking ether.
All was cancer but I felt that large first chunk was a brick of colmbian
The start was redic and then this was my favorite part:

Like Gilligan’s Island ya’ll is beached. While I’m spitting a mile of solid sea
The spillage could drown a soccer field and fill in surrounding properties
I’m liquid just dousing causing scenes, you spitting a drought see, hardly leak

Hit my pm box with like 8 and we'll get it in back & forth

Dove Dozer · 02-06-2014, 02:34 PM

Golden. Proper. Whole thing, lava.

Props pat. Cant even critique this brah. Dope piece

Exis · 02-06-2014, 06:19 PM

Hmm...your probably not gonna like what I'm about to say but yeah I can't lie, well I could lol but I don't see the point in that.I wasn't feelin' the first section at all...just couldn't get into man, it came across as real same same to me...sorta like you've been there and done that so often it just read as bland, I also thought the closer was similar if a little better than the beginnin' yet still kinda ehh.

I’m kidding, I’m average, not extreme. But getting the cash ain’t hard for me
Shit on the rap game, cop some feces. I’m different that way, an awkward species
My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete
I’m silly with nouns, drop a beat and really get down. Lava deep
Illy with sounds obviously killing you clowns, comically.
Like Gilligan’s Island ya’ll is beached. While I’m spitting a mile of solid sea
The spillage could drown a soccer field and fill in surrounding properties
I’m liquid just dousing causing scenes, you spitting a drought see, hardly leak
The villain who vowed to haunt ya dreams, cause your vision is clouded, can’t you see?

^^This though was awesome, I may not have felt what's before and after this but in this section shit was flames.

You've said this to me a few times and Ima say it back to you fam...try sumthin' different, apart from what I quoted this wasn't anythin' special imo and I hate havin' to say that on pieces in general, but especially on your stuff.

Stay up with it bro.

Lars · 02-07-2014, 03:34 PM

Almost echoing Exis at the start, bonafide is pronounced bone-a-fidey over here so that rhyme seemed off to me, but after that you found the groove and hit it, Dawsons Creek line was a standout to me.

mid-section was flames, syllable count/billion bounce etc worked dope with the internal rhyme

I think the lines look longer because you would usually break each and make them into couplets but you didn't here, I've switched to Dark NC layout too so maybe its that? I dunno

the lines look longer but it still works, undoubtebly copy's steez

keep that pen moving!

Nigma · 02-11-2014, 01:17 AM

bump for now, will feed at work tmrw

Natural · 02-11-2014, 03:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CopyPat

The bonafied most trusted, often keepin all these rhymes so gushed, I’m off the deep end
You must be pronouncing gushed (gush ded or gush did) to complete the rhyme with trusted....which is the wrong pronunciation....but w/e I guess you are
free to bend a word however you like. I'm not a huge fan of the line by itself.
Basically you saying you're the genuine most trusted....followed by filler.

Caught ya sleepin, cots and z’s when spittin ya raps ya jaw’s fatiguing
I like the follow up of multi's...I can't really say the bar is worth more than just that
MULTI'S.

Officially wack. Walkin breathin shit of a man, that’s always greasin’
I’m Mr. Miyagi crossed between a pistol I’m bangin gongs for weeks
Personally I think you're transition into this bar from the previous would have been
much smoother if you had used of multi off of the "jaw's fatiguing" rhyme
I know after officially whack the rhyme comes in...but I just think it's have been
better placed in the beginning. "Banging gongs for weeks" does not in any way
rhyme with "that's always greasin" or any part of that tbh.
I see you do attempt a slant rhyme with it in the next line with "Dawson creek"
Idk....perhaps it would have been pulled off in audio....
But I don't see it flying in text.

Listen you faggots, I’m off the streets, my living is lavish, Dawson’s Creek
I’m kidding, I’m average, not extreme. But getting the cash ain’t hard for me
By this point you seem to be back up to par with ya multi's again
Good. Stereo typical copy pat. Lyrically I gotta say this is pretty weak though.
I'm not saying I'm the superior writer here....I may or may not be
Frankly I don't care either way but I still know dope when I see it
I'm still a fan of the art and beyond that it is up to you
To take my feed or leave it.

Shit on the rap game, cop some feces. I’m different that way, an awkward species
My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete
I’m silly with nouns, drop a beat and really get down. Lava deep
I actually dug the scheming here. It's very unorthodox..
But cool.

Illy with sounds obviously killing you clowns, comically.
Like Gilligan’s Island ya’ll is beached. While I’m spitting a mile of solid sea
This bar was dope, no ifs ands or buts about it. You got a thumbs up here.

The spillage could drown a soccer field and fill in surrounding properties
I’m liquid just dousing causing scenes, you spitting a drought see, hardly leak
Meh. Its aight.

The villain who vowed to haunt ya dreams, cause your vision is clouded, can’t you see?
I’m sick of the baggage these panties speak, like they skivvies is scandalous. Pack some heat
Solid scheming here.

Really I’m fabulous actually, living frivolous the glass is crammed to me
Not half empty, got apathy? Then fix it and act. Stop draggin feet
God damn you weak, all fragile geeks. You all actin beef, it’s all sandwich meat
Balsamic speak cause ya wine in ya sentence, all facts that lead to vagina infections
A pretty solid fit of scheming to end it.
All in all this was just "ok". I've read FAR more fluid flows from you before...
On a copy pay 1-10 this was a 4.5 swinging to 5. I know for a fact you can do better, lyrical or not....flow/scheme wise you are capable of far more.
It was mildly entertaining to me......enough to read it obviously
But it may just be time for you and wise ways(fatty fat fat) to collab.
Stay up.
Bitches

Lars · 02-11-2014, 06:22 AM

lmao worst attempt at a critique of a verse EVER

do you seriously not see how the couplet rhymes here:

Quote:

Officially wack. Walkin breathin shit of a man, that’s always greasin’
I’m Mr. Miyagi crossed between a pistol I’m bangin gongs for weeks

ROFLZzz @ "Banging gongs for weeks" does not in any way
rhyme with "that's always greasin" or any part of that tbh.

Lars · 02-11-2014, 06:23 AM

the title of this is the truth too though

fresh · 02-11-2014, 08:28 AM

This was alright, nothing special though. The rhyme scheme was pretty cool for the most part. A few spots where I was like "whaat?" because it didn't rhyme or didn't really make sense. I feel like this piece would be more directed towards audio then text but hey thats just me. Decent read, keep elevating.

Just Write · 02-11-2014, 10:47 AM

Dope shit pat, ill be back to quote some fav's. We should collab on sumn

Natural · 02-11-2014, 03:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lars

lmao worst attempt at a critique of a verse EVER

do you seriously not see how the couplet rhymes here:

ROFLZzz @ "Banging gongs for weeks" does not in any way
rhyme with "that's always greasin" or any part of that tbh.

Shut up pussy you are not qualified to lecture me.

Lars · 02-11-2014, 04:32 PM

lmao I remember when I was twelve years old and entering online pissing contests with other forum users thinking I was brave behind my schools laptop

come see me in person and tell me I'm a pussy to my face

you'll be lucky if you ever type here again

Nigma · 02-11-2014, 04:45 PM

Natural is known to fuck with pussies without consent, its legit.

Natural · 02-11-2014, 05:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lars

lmao I remember when I was twelve years old and entering online pissing contests with other forum users thinking I was brave behind my schools laptop

come see me in person and tell me I'm a pussy to my face

you'll be lucky if you ever type here again

Lmao.
E Thug.

What a loser.

Natural · 02-11-2014, 05:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nigma

Natural is known to fuck with pussies without consent, its legit.

Shut up nigma.
You suck Dick for a living.

Nigma · 02-12-2014, 12:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Natural

Shut up nigma.
You suck Dick for a living.

Your underdeveloped insult falls flat against the commonly known fact that your women skills are SO fucking pathetic that you had to rape a bitch. And you aren't even a good rapist, cause you got caught.. For shame

Anyways!!!

Pat, I felt the piece started off a bit slowly, you started hitting your pace a few bars in and then murdered it, really enjoyed this section:

Quote:

I’m kidding, I’m average, not extreme. But getting the cash ain’t hard for me
Shit on the rap game, cop some feces. I’m different that way, an awkward species
My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete
I’m silly with nouns, drop a beat and really get down. Lava deep
Illy with sounds obviously killing you clowns, comically.
Like Gilligan’s Island ya’ll is beached. While I’m spitting a mile of solid sea
The spillage could drown a soccer field and fill in surrounding properties
I’m liquid just dousing causing scenes, you spitting a drought see, hardly leak

Felt you began expanding/transitioning concepts well and were on par with the expected syllable game you bring, some enjoyable writing right here. Hitting your stride the hardest on the gilligans island bar but this whole section was smooth as fuck. Ending wasn't too far behind. Balsamic is a vinegar not a wine tho? Isn't it? Wine in ya sentence/Vagina infections was LOL tho, good shit mango sry for the delayed feed

Vulgar · 02-21-2014, 12:37 PM

Like Gilligan’s Island ya’ll is beached. While I’m spitting a mile of solid sea
The spillage could drown a soccer field and fill in surrounding properties
^lmao

That was tight. The rest was okay. @CopyPat

Certain · 02-21-2014, 01:12 PM

The first 12 lines might be the best I've read from you.

02-05-2014, 05:02 PM	#1
CopyPat Mic Check Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Calgary Alberta Canada Posts: 708 Battle Record: 13-10 Rep Power: 3742225	Language Burrier The bonafied most trusted, often keepin all these rhymes so gushed, I’m off the deep end Caught ya sleepin, cots and z’s when spittin ya raps ya jaw’s fatiguing Officially wack. Walkin breathin shit of a man, that’s always greasin’ I’m Mr. Miyagi crossed between a pistol I’m bangin gongs for weeks Listen you faggots, I’m off the streets, my living is lavish, Dawson’s Creek I’m kidding, I’m average, not extreme. But getting the cash ain’t hard for me Shit on the rap game, cop some feces. I’m different that way, an awkward species My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete I’m silly with nouns, drop a beat and really get down. Lava deep Illy with sounds obviously killing you clowns, comically. Like Gilligan’s Island ya’ll is beached. While I’m spitting a mile of solid sea The spillage could drown a soccer field and fill in surrounding properties I’m liquid just dousing causing scenes, you spitting a drought see, hardly leak The villain who vowed to haunt ya dreams, cause your vision is clouded, can’t you see? I’m sick of the baggage these panties speak, like they skivvies is scandalous. Pack some heat Really I’m fabulous actually, living frivolous the glass is crammed to me Not half empty, got apathy? Then fix it and act. Stop draggin feet God damn you weak, all fragile geeks. You all actin beef, it’s all sandwich meat Balsamic speak cause ya wine in ya sentence, all facts that lead to vagina infections Bitches __________________ My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete. Last edited by CopyPat; 02-06-2014 at 03:38 AM.

02-05-2014, 05:17 PM	#2
Wise Wiggles nok Su kow Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,505 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 51788022	holy bajesus. up until hardly leak this was fucking ether. All was cancer but I felt that large first chunk was a brick of colmbian The start was redic and then this was my favorite part: Like Gilligan’s Island ya’ll is beached. While I’m spitting a mile of solid sea The spillage could drown a soccer field and fill in surrounding properties I’m liquid just dousing causing scenes, you spitting a drought see, hardly leak Hit my pm box with like 8 and we'll get it in back & forth __________________ "black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch"

02-06-2014, 02:34 PM	#3
Dove Dozer loose leaf bruce lee Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 1,077 Battle Record: 7-6 Rep Power: 1853216	Golden. Proper. Whole thing, lava. Props pat. Cant even critique this brah. Dope piece __________________

02-07-2014, 03:34 PM	#5
Lars PROVEN BITER Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Wolverhampton Posts: 1,588 Battle Record: 5-0 Champed - The Winter Topical Rep Power: 1809298	Almost echoing Exis at the start, bonafide is pronounced bone-a-fidey over here so that rhyme seemed off to me, but after that you found the groove and hit it, Dawsons Creek line was a standout to me. mid-section was flames, syllable count/billion bounce etc worked dope with the internal rhyme I think the lines look longer because you would usually break each and make them into couplets but you didn't here, I've switched to Dark NC layout too so maybe its that? I dunno the lines look longer but it still works, undoubtebly copy's steez keep that pen moving! __________________ PROVEN BITER

02-11-2014, 01:17 AM	#6
Nigma The COAT... Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: BC, Canada Posts: 1,723 Battle Record: 28-20 Champed - Art of Writing League (x3) Rep Power: 4595813	bump for now, will feed at work tmrw __________________

02-06-2014, 06:19 PM	#4
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,934 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	Hmm...your probably not gonna like what I'm about to say but yeah I can't lie, well I could lol but I don't see the point in that.I wasn't feelin' the first section at all...just couldn't get into man, it came across as real same same to me...sorta like you've been there and done that so often it just read as bland, I also thought the closer was similar if a little better than the beginnin' yet still kinda ehh. I’m kidding, I’m average, not extreme. But getting the cash ain’t hard for me Shit on the rap game, cop some feces. I’m different that way, an awkward species My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete I’m silly with nouns, drop a beat and really get down. Lava deep Illy with sounds obviously killing you clowns, comically. Like Gilligan’s Island ya’ll is beached. While I’m spitting a mile of solid sea The spillage could drown a soccer field and fill in surrounding properties I’m liquid just dousing causing scenes, you spitting a drought see, hardly leak The villain who vowed to haunt ya dreams, cause your vision is clouded, can’t you see? ^^This though was awesome, I may not have felt what's before and after this but in this section shit was flames. You've said this to me a few times and Ima say it back to you fam...try sumthin' different, apart from what I quoted this wasn't anythin' special imo and I hate havin' to say that on pieces in general, but especially on your stuff. Stay up with it bro.

02-11-2014, 06:23 AM	#9
Lars PROVEN BITER Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Wolverhampton Posts: 1,588 Battle Record: 5-0 Champed - The Winter Topical Rep Power: 1809298	the title of this is the truth too though __________________ PROVEN BITER

02-11-2014, 08:28 AM	#10
fresh Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2014 Posts: 302 Battle Record: 0-4 Rep Power: 0	This was alright, nothing special though. The rhyme scheme was pretty cool for the most part. A few spots where I was like "whaat?" because it didn't rhyme or didn't really make sense. I feel like this piece would be more directed towards audio then text but hey thats just me. Decent read, keep elevating.

02-11-2014, 10:47 AM	#11
Just Write Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 1,709 Battle Record: 9-12 Rep Power: 4997617	Dope shit pat, ill be back to quote some fav's. We should collab on sumn __________________

02-11-2014, 04:32 PM	#13
Lars PROVEN BITER Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Wolverhampton Posts: 1,588 Battle Record: 5-0 Champed - The Winter Topical Rep Power: 1809298	lmao I remember when I was twelve years old and entering online pissing contests with other forum users thinking I was brave behind my schools laptop come see me in person and tell me I'm a pussy to my face you'll be lucky if you ever type here again __________________ PROVEN BITER

02-11-2014, 04:45 PM	#14
Nigma The COAT... Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: BC, Canada Posts: 1,723 Battle Record: 28-20 Champed - Art of Writing League (x3) Rep Power: 4595813	Natural is known to fuck with pussies without consent, its legit. __________________

02-21-2014, 12:37 PM	#18
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	Like Gilligan’s Island ya’ll is beached. While I’m spitting a mile of solid sea The spillage could drown a soccer field and fill in surrounding properties ^lmao That was tight. The rest was okay. @CopyPat

02-21-2014, 01:12 PM	#19
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,066 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899406	The first 12 lines might be the best I've read from you.