Netcees - Language Burrier

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- Open Mic Section (http://netcees.org/forumdisplay.php?f=6)

- - Language Burrier (http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=51055)

Language Burrier

The bonafied most trusted, often keepin all these rhymes so gushed, I’m off the deep end
Caught ya sleepin, cots and z’s when spittin ya raps ya jaw’s fatiguing
Officially wack. Walkin breathin shit of a man, that’s always greasin’
I’m Mr. Miyagi crossed between a pistol I’m bangin gongs for weeks
Listen you faggots, I’m off the streets, my living is lavish, Dawson’s Creek
I’m kidding, I’m average, not extreme. But getting the cash ain’t hard for me
Shit on the rap game, cop some feces. I’m different that way, an awkward species
My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete
I’m silly with nouns, drop a beat and really get down. Lava deep
Illy with sounds obviously killing you clowns, comically.
Like Gilligan’s Island ya’ll is beached. While I’m spitting a mile of solid sea
The spillage could drown a soccer field and fill in surrounding properties
I’m liquid just dousing causing scenes, you spitting a drought see, hardly leak
The villain who vowed to haunt ya dreams, cause your vision is clouded, can’t you see?
I’m sick of the baggage these panties speak, like they skivvies is scandalous. Pack some heat
Really I’m fabulous actually, living frivolous the glass is crammed to me
Not half empty, got apathy? Then fix it and act. Stop draggin feet
God damn you weak, all fragile geeks. You all actin beef, it’s all sandwich meat
Balsamic speak cause ya wine in ya sentence, all facts that lead to vagina infections
Bitches

holy bajesus. up until hardly leak this was fucking ether.
All was cancer but I felt that large first chunk was a brick of colmbian
The start was redic and then this was my favorite part:

Like Gilligan’s Island ya’ll is beached. While I’m spitting a mile of solid sea
The spillage could drown a soccer field and fill in surrounding properties
I’m liquid just dousing causing scenes, you spitting a drought see, hardly leak

Hit my pm box with like 8 and we'll get it in back & forth

Golden. Proper. Whole thing, lava.

Props pat. Cant even critique this brah. Dope piece

Hmm...your probably not gonna like what I'm about to say but yeah I can't lie, well I could lol but I don't see the point in that.I wasn't feelin' the first section at all...just couldn't get into man, it came across as real same same to me...sorta like you've been there and done that so often it just read as bland, I also thought the closer was similar if a little better than the beginnin' yet still kinda ehh.

I’m kidding, I’m average, not extreme. But getting the cash ain’t hard for me
Shit on the rap game, cop some feces. I’m different that way, an awkward species
My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete
I’m silly with nouns, drop a beat and really get down. Lava deep
Illy with sounds obviously killing you clowns, comically.
Like Gilligan’s Island ya’ll is beached. While I’m spitting a mile of solid sea
The spillage could drown a soccer field and fill in surrounding properties
I’m liquid just dousing causing scenes, you spitting a drought see, hardly leak
The villain who vowed to haunt ya dreams, cause your vision is clouded, can’t you see?

^^This though was awesome, I may not have felt what's before and after this but in this section shit was flames.

You've said this to me a few times and Ima say it back to you fam...try sumthin' different, apart from what I quoted this wasn't anythin' special imo and I hate havin' to say that on pieces in general, but especially on your stuff.

Stay up with it bro.

Almost echoing Exis at the start, bonafide is pronounced bone-a-fidey over here so that rhyme seemed off to me, but after that you found the groove and hit it, Dawsons Creek line was a standout to me.

mid-section was flames, syllable count/billion bounce etc worked dope with the internal rhyme

I think the lines look longer because you would usually break each and make them into couplets but you didn't here, I've switched to Dark NC layout too so maybe its that? I dunno

the lines look longer but it still works, undoubtebly copy's steez

keep that pen moving!

bump for now, will feed at work tmrw

Quote:

Originally Posted by CopyPat (Post 268746)

The bonafied most trusted, often keepin all these rhymes so gushed, I’m off the deep end
You must be pronouncing gushed (gush ded or gush did) to complete the rhyme with trusted....which is the wrong pronunciation....but w/e I guess you are
free to bend a word however you like. I'm not a huge fan of the line by itself.
Basically you saying you're the genuine most trusted....followed by filler.

Caught ya sleepin, cots and z’s when spittin ya raps ya jaw’s fatiguing
I like the follow up of multi's...I can't really say the bar is worth more than just that
MULTI'S.

Officially wack. Walkin breathin shit of a man, that’s always greasin’
I’m Mr. Miyagi crossed between a pistol I’m bangin gongs for weeks
Personally I think you're transition into this bar from the previous would have been
much smoother if you had used of multi off of the "jaw's fatiguing" rhyme
I know after officially whack the rhyme comes in...but I just think it's have been
better placed in the beginning. "Banging gongs for weeks" does not in any way
rhyme with "that's always greasin" or any part of that tbh.
I see you do attempt a slant rhyme with it in the next line with "Dawson creek"
Idk....perhaps it would have been pulled off in audio....
But I don't see it flying in text.

Listen you faggots, I’m off the streets, my living is lavish, Dawson’s Creek
I’m kidding, I’m average, not extreme. But getting the cash ain’t hard for me
By this point you seem to be back up to par with ya multi's again
Good. Stereo typical copy pat. Lyrically I gotta say this is pretty weak though.
I'm not saying I'm the superior writer here....I may or may not be
Frankly I don't care either way but I still know dope when I see it
I'm still a fan of the art and beyond that it is up to you
To take my feed or leave it.

Shit on the rap game, cop some feces. I’m different that way, an awkward species
My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete
I’m silly with nouns, drop a beat and really get down. Lava deep
I actually dug the scheming here. It's very unorthodox..
But cool.

Illy with sounds obviously killing you clowns, comically.
Like Gilligan’s Island ya’ll is beached. While I’m spitting a mile of solid sea
This bar was dope, no ifs ands or buts about it. You got a thumbs up here.

The spillage could drown a soccer field and fill in surrounding properties
I’m liquid just dousing causing scenes, you spitting a drought see, hardly leak
Meh. Its aight.

The villain who vowed to haunt ya dreams, cause your vision is clouded, can’t you see?
I’m sick of the baggage these panties speak, like they skivvies is scandalous. Pack some heat
Solid scheming here.

Really I’m fabulous actually, living frivolous the glass is crammed to me
Not half empty, got apathy? Then fix it and act. Stop draggin feet
God damn you weak, all fragile geeks. You all actin beef, it’s all sandwich meat
Balsamic speak cause ya wine in ya sentence, all facts that lead to vagina infections
A pretty solid fit of scheming to end it.
All in all this was just "ok". I've read FAR more fluid flows from you before...
On a copy pay 1-10 this was a 4.5 swinging to 5. I know for a fact you can do better, lyrical or not....flow/scheme wise you are capable of far more.
It was mildly entertaining to me......enough to read it obviously
But it may just be time for you and wise ways(fatty fat fat) to collab.
Stay up.
Bitches

lmao worst attempt at a critique of a verse EVER

do you seriously not see how the couplet rhymes here:

Quote:

Officially wack. Walkin breathin shit of a man, that’s always greasin’
I’m Mr. Miyagi crossed between a pistol I’m bangin gongs for weeks

ROFLZzz @ "Banging gongs for weeks" does not in any way
rhyme with "that's always greasin" or any part of that tbh.

the title of this is the truth too though

This was alright, nothing special though. The rhyme scheme was pretty cool for the most part. A few spots where I was like "whaat?" because it didn't rhyme or didn't really make sense. I feel like this piece would be more directed towards audio then text but hey thats just me. Decent read, keep elevating.

Dope shit pat, ill be back to quote some fav's. We should collab on sumn

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lars (Post 272192)

lmao worst attempt at a critique of a verse EVER

do you seriously not see how the couplet rhymes here:

ROFLZzz @ "Banging gongs for weeks" does not in any way
rhyme with "that's always greasin" or any part of that tbh.

Shut up pussy you are not qualified to lecture me.

lmao I remember when I was twelve years old and entering online pissing contests with other forum users thinking I was brave behind my schools laptop

come see me in person and tell me I'm a pussy to my face

you'll be lucky if you ever type here again

Natural is known to fuck with pussies without consent, its legit.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lars (Post 272563)

Lmao.
E Thug.

What a loser.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nigma (Post 272584)

Natural is known to fuck with pussies without consent, its legit.

Shut up nigma.
You suck Dick for a living.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Natural (Post 272615)

Shut up nigma.
You suck Dick for a living.

Your underdeveloped insult falls flat against the commonly known fact that your women skills are SO fucking pathetic that you had to rape a bitch. And you aren't even a good rapist, cause you got caught.. For shame

Anyways!!!

Pat, I felt the piece started off a bit slowly, you started hitting your pace a few bars in and then murdered it, really enjoyed this section:

Quote:

I’m kidding, I’m average, not extreme. But getting the cash ain’t hard for me
Shit on the rap game, cop some feces. I’m different that way, an awkward species
My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete
I’m silly with nouns, drop a beat and really get down. Lava deep
Illy with sounds obviously killing you clowns, comically.
Like Gilligan’s Island ya’ll is beached. While I’m spitting a mile of solid sea
The spillage could drown a soccer field and fill in surrounding properties
I’m liquid just dousing causing scenes, you spitting a drought see, hardly leak

Felt you began expanding/transitioning concepts well and were on par with the expected syllable game you bring, some enjoyable writing right here. Hitting your stride the hardest on the gilligans island bar but this whole section was smooth as fuck. Ending wasn't too far behind. Balsamic is a vinegar not a wine tho? Isn't it? Wine in ya sentence/Vagina infections was LOL tho, good shit mango sry for the delayed feed

Like Gilligan’s Island ya’ll is beached. While I’m spitting a mile of solid sea
The spillage could drown a soccer field and fill in surrounding properties
^lmao

That was tight. The rest was okay. @CopyPat

The first 12 lines might be the best I've read from you.