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10-12-2013, 08:49 PM
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#1 |
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Mic Check
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Calgary Alberta Canada
Posts: 708
Battle Record: 13-10
Rep Power: 3742225    |
Another Squalor
Just drank a bottle a chocolate milk
Now the stank is followin, rotten hell Holy shit these farts are righteous I blow emissions at bargain prices Stomach rumbling reservoirs Bum is thundering record farts My belly must be fucked inside It smells like something ugly died My lungs need oxygen to breathe But something’s wrong within my jeans Repetitive rips, no end in sight Intestinal whiffs of genocide Butt most heinous on planet earth Plus no bracing these random bursts I’ve lost control there’s no stopping it And my boxers toast, it’s so obvious Down to admit them, I’m proud a gas a bit But now I’m the victim of the loudest flatulence Smell is awful of fragrant gross Hella coughin, I gag and joke Small spurters and long lasting trailers They all burnin my contacts from vapors So exhausted, Pleading for the finish Oh just stop it, feeling so diminished Mentally drained and physically pained I eventually came to shit it away Sitting on the toilet and reminiscing It’s shitty how I spoiled this tremendous ripping What a way to punish water... Another day, another squalor
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My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete. |
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10-13-2013, 04:06 AM
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#2 |
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The Clown Prince
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,046
Battle Record: 35-45
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 59349682 |
Hahaha...Copy you never seize to amaze
your style is reminiscent of the golden era the flow is always on point and... well you really developed your own lane always nice to see such dedication in a writer keep it up and get some Pepto
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.....laugh....and the world laughs with you |
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10-13-2013, 09:11 AM
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#3 |
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V.V
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: .
Posts: 2,076
Battle Record: 31-20
Rep Power: 6247259 |
Hilariously cool. If anyone can't relate, they're lying lol. Tight flow, disgustingly entertaining imagery. Good shit.
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Ahem. |
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10-13-2013, 09:34 PM
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#4 |
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Arm the Homeless
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,102
Battle Record: 22-24
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 35079722 |
Butt most heinous on planet earth
^^^Best line on anything I've ever read in my life. Seriously. I lol'd at this several times tbh. You're the man Pat. |
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10-14-2013, 12:27 AM
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Mad fucking dangerous.
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 12,066
Battle Record: 40-19
Champed - AOWL Season 3
- Art of Writing League (2x)
Rep Power: 85899406 |
This was like a topical. You should join the Art of Writing League and turn every topic into a fart verse. This was great.
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I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws. |
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10-18-2013, 06:59 AM
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#6 |
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Keeper Of The Fresh
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Mayhem Gardens
Posts: 84
Rep Power: 36 |
this could be a poem as well. fucking hilarious. kinda reminds me of a topical battle I did a while back on RF. i thought this was mad creative my dude.
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10-18-2013, 08:37 AM
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#7 |
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Junior Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 3
Rep Power: 0  |
Hahaha. This was a great read. Its always great to stumble across a verse based on humor. Its obviously hard to take the subject matter serious; but it was comical and a good change of pace. The technical aspects were very solid. The flow as I perceived it was smooth. There is really nothing I can offer by way of constructive criticism. I know I couldn't have written a better verse on this subject. The pun is intended when I say, This was the shit. Great job.
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