Twin Tourney Topical Division Round 1: ACTIVATE SELF vs Regulator- OPEN FOR VOTES!

[Dominate]

Welcome to the Twin Tourney - Topical Division!

We have eight competitors with their eye on the semi-finals round. Only four will progress. Do you have what it takes to survive?

Due Dates:

Verses this week are due Friday and will be open until Monday.
Battles that lack votes may close later.
One sided battles may get closed early.
Extensions are 24 hours

Line Limit: 16 Minimum, 32 Maximum

Topic:

@ACTIVATE SELF @Regulator

[ACTIVATE SELF]

The town had been quiet for weeks, the air thick with the scent of autumn leaves.
Then, one night, a carnival appeared, with a Ferris wheel towering above the trees.
Glowing like a beacon of terror, the carousel spun with haunting lights.
As the once-empty lot suddenly teemed with dozens of wandering wights.
Eleanor’s eyes were wide with fright, unaware of how she got there, as she stared at the ominous sight.
Driven by fear and curiosity, she ventured toward the carnival ride.
But an icy chill shot down her spine the moment she stepped aboard.
The mechanical horse, adorned in jewels, seemed to entrance the crowd.
Their collective gaze and blank expressions followed her round and round.
Time slowed down as the eerie sounds of lullabies pierced the air.
Then the lights went dim, as mist rolled in, and a shadowy man appeared.
“How… how did I get here?” she quivered as the horses stalled.
The dark figure edged closer—voice drained of emotion. He whispered, “Remember,” then paused.
Her memory fog lifted in the instant he gripped her shoulder.
The accident was vivid—the fire, the silence, the coma.
The carnival’s a figment, a prison confined to limbo.
Tethered to a moment when she declined to let go.
The carousel jerked violently, the horses disintegrated into ash.
Revealing Eleanor strapped to a gurney, being treated with an oxygen mask.
“We’re losing her,” one doctor said frantically as her pulse began to fade.
She tried to scream, but no sound came out as the shadow called her name.
“Eleanor, you’ve stayed too long. It’s time to go,” he urged.
The fire surged with every word; it cracked and burned to bits.
Consuming the mirage and all its fabricated tents.
The carnival was trauma, the carousel a cycle, the wights were her reflection.
Mere vessels of survival. But now her vitals fail as she takes her final breath.
Then floats into the void to finally coalesce

…with death.

[Regulator]

I will req ext in case Thursday is thanksgiving and will be cooking all day tommorow but I will try to get shit in by Friday if not def Saturday

[Regulator]

I have been a carny here since 1999, witnessed all the casualties and the freak show,
These hallowed grounds smell like tragedy, the old folks confused this aroma with weed smoke.
the mysterious stench, the empty Ferris Wheel, still spinning in motion, you almost see both.
Vivid imagery of this scent, followed by what was depicted as 3 ghosts, we picked this night to be close..
Only evidence we know, is the predator slipping up and leaving a message to decode
Was it my dream job? No, it turned into a nightmare, this was the only place I wouldn’t be cast aside
A lot of time was spent wondering if the rotten cotton candy would curve a cannibal's appetite.
So, sometimes I would channel the after life, it would be an understatement to say this happened twice,
I saw the dark figure more than once, approach the Farris wheel then vanish when you catch a sight,
Not even a footprint was left on the patch of ice, but we knew; all savages act alike.
You kind of ignore what you see passing by, It was either an apparition, or a brief flash of light
So every entrance had to be secured, if there was loose locks, we would have the night to Latch them tight
But the way these dark figures work I was so close to seeing it again that evening a black demon…
Entering the fray performing magic tricks, I'm sitting next to the top hat placed on jaw bones half eaten.
Almost a kid like performance most of the tricks were bad even, somewhere beneath lies a sad meaning.
Lye and a dad screaming, sound deprivation would bring clarity to what you heard last season.
Lies presented behind the mask, pleading, he found medication but was still asked to leave; grieving.
Tried defending inside the wrath, seeing no other option, just a slow thunder that started intervening.
Every summer he would bring her here, she loved the Farris Wheel even when it stopped working.
She was so innocent that she didn't understand when her dad tried to explain that it's not perfect.
Every ride here has a story, except this one is never told, it's almost like it was the lost version.
Redacted from the papers, and the morning news, because the ending of this tail was too disturbing.
I worked the grave yard shift, used to paint pictures to hide emotion's, the pain only decays in the art.
I remember the butterfly tattoo on her face, she dropped the cotton candy after straying too far.
I acted like nothing bothered me, but the guilt ate me alive, everyone knew I was playing a part.
Hoping one day the burden's lifted, one of the ghosts approach me removing the dagger from my heart.
People are blinded by the bright lights, but they promote the scams, like the death and despair,
The rigged carnival games, a suspicious cast of characters, to leave you on the edge of your chair.
The reason I bare this pain, is because I was working that day, and feel everyone's is left in my care.
In November the accident happened!
A Farris Wheel malfunction would change the course of lives, 20 years later I still check the repair.

[symetrik]

activate self:

dope, very my vibe lol. decent use of the topic, it was a pretty abrupt switch to "reality" I would have liked more time in the carnival and better cohesiveness - for instance, "seemed to entrance the crowd" made me be like "wait what crowd" and I still couldn't identify it, maybe the wights?

anyways, the ending was good with the words, smooth read.

--

regulator:
I think this is a good piece - lots of multi rhymes and a good story. that said, you lean too heavily into the multi rhymes and land them at the cost of loosened sense, which could be tightened up.

I'm also not really sure where this ended up - it started off very horror vibe, and I was expecting murder and cannibalism, being tracked by like a detective or something or even just the carny who happened to be like... friends with the murderer or something.

the way it ended seemed like it was just... a malfunction? did someone (or many) people die? it went from like horror to pretty mundane REAL quick and that hurt the piece.

all that said,
mvgt Regulator bc it sticks to a carnival topic a lot longer and I liked that.

[Etherwave]

Really great battle. Both created a world to lose yourself in.

Activate self

I love a good fever dream

"The carnival was trauma, the carousel a cycle, the wights were her reflection.
Mere vessels of survival. But now her vitals fail as she takes her final breath.
Then floats into the void to finally coalesce

…with death."

Excellent ending.

Regulator

"These hallowed grounds smell like tragedy, the old folks confused this aroma with weed smoke.
the mysterious stench, the empty Ferris Wheel, still spinning in motion, you almost see both."

This was a great introduction. Your piece was full and well written but some lines felt forced

"Vivid imagery of this scent, followed by what was depicted as 3 ghosts, we picked this night to be close..
Only evidence we know, is the predator slipping up and leaving a message to decode" like this. Specifically "The only evidence we know" just doesn't read well to me. I think the trouble is i think I'm reading poetry but that's not what this is about so maybe the problem is me. But it's only my second full tournament so I'm still learning the methods and what we are actually doing here.

Either way, my vote goes to Activate self as it had a smoother vibe -solid completion.

[Dominate]

Activate:
Cool take. I like how you interpreted it metaphorically but still gave us a lot of visceral details of the amusement park (carousel glowing like a beacon of terror, mechanical horse adorned with jewels etc). The pacing was done well - the shift from the supernatural to the psychological didn’t feel abrupt or jarring. I thought the line

The carnival was trauma, the carousel a cycle, the wights were her reflection.

Was a bitttttt on the nose, - I would have preferred a show don’t tell approach, but I appreciate there was a need for clarification and a line limit. One other gripe as with a few people this round - I wanted more multi syllabic rhymes. You showed you were capable of more early in the piece with the haunting lights/wandering eights/ominous sight/carnival ride section - I wish you had kept that up. But still, I thought this was pretty good overall. Interpreting the carousel as a cycle of trauma and the figure as death worked well, the pacing was good, you had a lot of nice turns of phrase, there was some mystery in it on a first read but going through it again everything makes sense. Yeah. Good stuff mate.

Regulator:
Just a note before I get into it - your lines are veryyyy long compared to a “usual” format. Which is totally fine and valid as a stylistic choice BUT it gives you almost double the content of your opponent. The rule I’ve seen applied in the past and which I will include going forward is that the maximum word count should be 15x max lines. Here that would be 15x32‎ = 480. You’re at 545. So if you want to continue the same format in things I host from now on you’ll need to stop a few lines short of the maximum.

Okay, so. What I read here is the story of a carnival worker haunted by guilt and tragedy surrounding a Ferris wheel accident. I like that a lot (I would have made it the carousel instead of the Ferris wheel to tie into the picture better though). You had a lot of lines that worked towards that and gave this some real emotional weight like

I acted like nothing bothered me, but the guilt ate me alive, everyone knew I was playing a part.
Hoping one day the burden's lifted, one of the ghosts approach me removing the dagger from my heart.

I wasn’t sure if the dark figure was a metaphor for death and/or the pain and burden of guilt, or a literal predator who caused the accident. I prefer the first idea but felt like there were more lines that hinted at the second. Either would have been fine really but it needed clarifying. There’s lines that feel like they hint heavily at it one way and then others that do the same the other way. Ultimately it feels a bit confusing and like that whole thread is just random eerie imagery rather than an essential part of the story.

The central narrative about the Ferris wheel accident and the narrator’s guilt is compelling, but it gets buried under fragmented thoughts, abstract imagery, and tangents that don’t clearly tie back to the main story. eg lines about “sound deprivation” or “rotten cotton candy curving a cannibal’s appetite” add an eerie tone but don’t seem to connect meaningfully to the accident or the narrator’s guilt. The reflections on scams, rigged carnival games, and “death and despair” are kind of interesting but don’t build directly toward the story’s emotional climax. I think if you stripped back some of the extraneous details and focused more tightly on the accident, it would be much stronger. The fluff creates an impression of depth but ultimately muddies the narrative, making it harder to understand the story’s emotional heart.


Vote:
Hmmmm it’s close for me. Mechanically,
Regulator had the better rhymes, but activate’s shorter lines gave his verse a better sense of rhythm. I’d still give mechanics to Regulator though. Rhymes are important! On content, there was a lot to chew on in Regulator’s verse, but that was both good and bad for the reasons I described above. Activate’s piece had less to it, but it was much more focused and tightly written, with most details contributing directly to the central narrative.

I’m gonna give it Activate

[brokenhal0]

Activate - Tight rhyme schemes the writing style seemed a bit basic compared to some of your other work the pacing was on point the deeper aspect and flipping of the story was done with correct timing for the reader a child dreaming of a carnival yet waking on a death bed was perfectly executed with a nice sense of horror and shock that I prefer..

Regulator - At First this seemed like it was gonna be a better verse in terms of flow and writing but you left the bars too long and kind of killed the momentum and tension building for me after the first few bars i was already losing interest your opponent also played with the readers emotions a bit better...

MGVT - Activate Self

[fraze]

Originally Posted by ACTIVATE SELF

The town had been quiet for weeks, the air thick with the scent of autumn leaves.
Then, one night, a carnival appeared, with a Ferris wheel towering above the trees.
Glowing like a beacon of terror, the carousel spun with haunting lights.
As the once-empty lot suddenly teemed with dozens of wandering wights.
cool setup. rhymes on simple side but decent use of vocab
Eleanor’s eyes were wide with fright, unaware of how she got there, as she stared at the ominous sight.
Driven by fear and curiosity, she ventured toward the carnival ride.
But an icy chill shot down her spine the moment she stepped aboard.
The mechanical horse, adorned in jewels, seemed to entrance the crowd.
Their collective gaze and blank expressions followed her round and round.
Time slowed down as the eerie sounds of lullabies pierced the air.
Then the lights went dim, as mist rolled in, and a shadowy man appeared.
The rhyme picks up a bit here. Like some of the internals. Nice imagery
“How… how did I get here?” she quivered as the horses stalled.
The dark figure edged closer—voice drained of emotion. He whispered, “Remember,” then paused.
Her memory fog lifted in the instant he gripped her shoulder.
The accident was vivid—the fire, the silence, the coma.
Nice shift in the pacing of the rhymes here.
The carnival’s a figment, a prison confined to limbo.
Tethered to a moment when she declined to let go.
The carousel jerked violently, the horses disintegrated into ash.
Revealing Eleanor strapped to a gurney, being treated with an oxygen mask.
“We’re losing her,” one doctor said frantically as her pulse began to fade.
She tried to scream, but no sound came out as the shadow called her name.
nice twist here. and helps to establish shadowy figure as death without spelling things out.
“Eleanor, you’ve stayed too long. It’s time to go,” he urged.
The fire surged with every word; it cracked and burned to bits.
Consuming the mirage and all its fabricated tents.
The carnival was trauma, the carousel a cycle, the wights were her reflection.
Mere vessels of survival. But now her vitals fail as she takes her final breath.
Then floats into the void to finally coalesce

…with death.
cool ending. you tie back to the the carnival/carousel metaphor and bring things together

Originally Posted by Regulator

I have been a carny here since 1999, witnessed all the casualties and the freak show,
These hallowed grounds smell like tragedy, the old folks confused this aroma with weed smoke.
the mysterious stench, the empty Ferris Wheel, still spinning in motion, you almost see both.
Vivid imagery of this scent, followed by what was depicted as 3 ghosts, we picked this night to be close..
Only evidence we know, is the predator slipping up and leaving a message to decode
strong rhymes. setting up the story.
Was it my dream job? No, it turned into a nightmare, this was the only place I wouldn’t be cast aside
A lot of time was spent wondering if the rotten cotton candy would curve a cannibal's appetite.
So, sometimes I would channel the after life, it would be an understatement to say this happened twice,
I saw the dark figure more than once, approach the Farris wheel then vanish when you catch a sight,
Not even a footprint was left on the patch of ice, but we knew; all savages act alike.
You kind of ignore what you see passing by, It was either an apparition, or a brief flash of light
So every entrance had to be secured, if there was loose locks, we would have the night to Latch them tight
solid rhyming with multies. like the carnival vocab and tie ins. starting to setup the grim back story
But the way these dark figures work I was so close to seeing it again that evening a black demon…
Entering the fray performing magic tricks, I'm sitting next to the top hat placed on jaw bones half eaten.
Almost a kid like performance most of the tricks were bad even, somewhere beneath lies a sad meaning.
Lye and a dad screaming, sound deprivation would bring clarity to what you heard last season.
Lies presented behind the mask, pleading, he found medication but was still asked to leave; grieving.
Tried defending inside the wrath, seeing no other option, just a slow thunder that started intervening.
still strong rhymes, story is getting darker in mood.
Every summer he would bring her here, she loved the Farris Wheel even when it stopped working.
She was so innocent that she didn't understand when her dad tried to explain that it's not perfect.
Every ride here has a story, except this one is never told, it's almost like it was the lost version.
Redacted from the papers, and the morning news, because the ending of this tail was too disturbing.
this is where the actual story starts, was mostly preamble up to here. really like the rhymes and imagery in the opening couplet
I worked the grave yard shift, used to paint pictures to hide emotion's, the pain only decays in the art.
I remember the butterfly tattoo on her face, she dropped the cotton candy after straying too far.
I acted like nothing bothered me, but the guilt ate me alive, everyone knew I was playing a part.
Hoping one day the burden's lifted, one of the ghosts approach me removing the dagger from my heart.
perspective of narrator is revealed. which helps ties the opening stanzas to the core story of the girl.
People are blinded by the bright lights, but they promote the scams, like the death and despair,
The rigged carnival games, a suspicious cast of characters, to leave you on the edge of your chair.
The reason I bare this pain, is because I was working that day, and feel everyone's is left in my care.
In November the accident happened!
A Farris Wheel malfunction would change the course of lives, 20 years later I still check the repair.
nice twist ending. playing into the unnerving quality of the circus to give sinister overtones to something perhaps less malicious, an unfortunate accident. still sad, but shifts the impact of some of the grim imagery earlier in the piece.

Activate Self, I really liked your story and your approach, I actually think you had the stronger narrative of the two, and I like the way you took a metaphorical interpretation of the image. It feel well thought out and impactful, but this is also pretty well trodden subject matter for topicals so it did feel a little bit predictable. Everything was done well from technical perspective, but a lot of it in a textbook way. I feel like you'd benefit from giving yourself the freedom to color more outside the lines.

Regulator, it took a little longer for you to get into the core of the piece which made it feel a bit meandering until the ending tied things together. Some of that was probably intentional given the style of the ending (my piece this week does something kind of similar), but recommend thinking about pacing. I also liked the horror imagery misdirection, but a less descriptive first half would give space to flesh out the focal moment of the piece (the accident). Without this, the ending feels a little disconnected from the rest of the piece because it doesn't continue or explain the horror theme.

Vote: Regulator Good reads on both sides. A metaphor about the eternal cycle of life and death vs a tale of carnival tragedy. Both were well written, so substantially the edge here was won on the strength of the rhyming.

[PancakeBrah]

I vote for Regulator.

[Dominate]

Activate wins 3-2