The Realist

Eŋg · 07-02-2013, 01:56 PM

English isn't your first language, yes?

ocean can rhyme with potent... and though spelled similarly, pushing content into that mix does not work. poe -tunt vs. con-tent (i make up my own phonetics, but you get the idea). i point this out and explain it because it happens in quite a few places in your verse...

...it's what leads to me believe you're not a native english speaker.

ignoring all of that, this was ok in places. you had some semi-interesting ideas and their conveyance is relatively clear. as a whole, i'm not sure what this piece was, as the mention of Leviathan (da gawd) really seemed to switch the general mood. i didn't hate it. apologies if my first paragraph comes across finicky.

keep on keeping on.

07-02-2013, 01:56 PM	#3
Eŋg rhyme capsule. Join Date: Sep 2018 Posts: 2,150 Rep Power: 0	English isn't your first language, yes? ocean can rhyme with potent... and though spelled similarly, pushing content into that mix does not work. poe -tunt vs. con-tent (i make up my own phonetics, but you get the idea). i point this out and explain it because it happens in quite a few places in your verse... ...it's what leads to me believe you're not a native english speaker. ignoring all of that, this was ok in places. you had some semi-interesting ideas and their conveyance is relatively clear. as a whole, i'm not sure what this piece was, as the mention of Leviathan (da gawd) really seemed to switch the general mood. i didn't hate it. apologies if my first paragraph comes across finicky. keep on keeping on.