Funhouse

[Wise Wiggles]

Hello.. been a while..

How's your coping working? I guess it won't be perfect
Love the kiss of death like holding serpents
Body langauge is just arranging the bones in cursive
Spelling out secrets of the soul.. if you only heard it
Always write on borrowed time, not even cronus owns the verses
Simmering constant. Humbling river within the honor
Cycling through spirals like spinning mandalas
Tangling scars into hearts, it's in the armor
How many seconds on a clock? We ain't got much time
I blamed everyone else but I forgot what's mine
How much that soul worth? Under where the crow's perch
There is no birth.. no death
Journey within to where it glows best
Chant of names.. who's mentioning you?
The drop? Midsommar when you're seventy two
Just need a break so my heart can breathe
What you pay attention to always costs the largest fee
Arm and a leg, skin off my back's what I'm offering
Blood eagle apologies, I'm taking bets
Laid to rest? I still conversate with the dead
Or maybe I'm caught in disassociation's net
Playing make believe to murder the sadness
Healing's crazy.. feels like an allergic reaction
Curbing my madness so I don't bust earth into fragments
Careful what you wish for, this the curse of alladin
I swear it's an ancient disease
Just want the good old days back, I fall awake and they leave
But there ain't no fucking brakes, they going on full cylinders
Playing for keeps.. taking no prisoners
It's a class issue? How severe is the lesson
Throwing stars in the sky, miracle essence
Life an escape room, most have a fear of the exit
But it's a funhouse. Goes forever like mirroring perspectives
And I've slayed this demon a million times
Still in denial.. rolling like a motherfucking swivel eyes
Civilization of concepts building tonight
Siloqoey dive. Oh my lord. Mercy. Forgiveness
Teasing you. Edging you. Surfing the finish
Echoing every blunder you heard in the distance
Would you die for it? Is it worthy of interest?
You willing to change? Pay the surgeon a visit
Daymare Stockholm Syndrome- the dirtiest djinn trick

[fraze]

Originally Posted by Wise Wiggles

Hello.. been a while..

How's your coping working? I guess it won't be perfect
Love the kiss of death like holding serpents
Body langauge is just arranging the bones in cursive
Spelling out secrets of the soul.. if you only heard it
flow is cool but a little choppy. seems like you're more having fun with the rhymes than pushing a theme but i like the serpents/bones in cursive imagery
Always write on borrowed time, not even cronus owns the verses
Simmering constant. Humbling river within the honor
Cycling through spirals like spinning mandalas
Tangling scars into hearts, it's in the armor
rhyming is off here to me, but like cronus reference. the rest is cool but feels like its jumping around a lot. starting to look for connections and not really finding them.
How many seconds on a clock? We ain't got much time
I blamed everyone else but I forgot what's mine
How much that soul worth? Under where the crow's perch
There is no birth.. no death
Journey within to where it glows best
don't love this bit. feels a little random.
Chant of names.. who's mentioning you?
The drop? Midsommar when you're seventy two
Just need a break so my heart can breathe
What you pay attention to always costs the largest fee
like the last bar here. wish you stayed with some of this concepts a little longer before moving on.
Arm and a leg, skin off my back's what I'm offering
Blood eagle apologies, I'm taking bets
Laid to rest? I still conversate with the dead
Or maybe I'm caught in disassociation's net
not feeling this section. rhymes are a little shaky and verse feels incoherent. you're still riding a flow but I have no idea what you're talking about for the most part.
Playing make believe to murder the sadness
Healing's crazy.. feels like an allergic reaction
Curbing my madness so I don't bust earth into fragments
Careful what you wish for, this the curse of alladin
this is pretty dope. nice rhymes and like the curse of Aladdin punchline
I swear it's an ancient disease
Just want the good old days back, I fall awake and they leave
But there ain't no fucking brakes, they going on full cylinders
Playing for keeps.. taking no prisoners
this is nice also. flow is continuing with some energy and the concepts here are well connected
It's a class issue? How severe is the lesson
Throwing stars in the sky, miracle essence
Life an escape room, most have a fear of the exit
But it's a funhouse. Goes forever like mirroring perspectives
this is cool. still jumping around a bit but throwing in some cool philosophical ideas. from the title, i assume this is intended as the pivotal section
And I've slayed this demon a million times
Still in denial.. rolling like a motherfucking swivel eyes
Civilization of concepts building tonight
rhyming is cool but don't love the wording. felt like you were building up some steam with the sections coming into this, but it kind of trailed off
Siloqoey dive. Oh my lord. Mercy. Forgiveness
Teasing you. Edging you. Surfing the finish
Echoing every blunder you heard in the distance
Would you die for it? Is it worthy of interest?
You willing to change? Pay the surgeon a visit
Daymare Stockholm Syndrome- the dirtiest djinn trick
nice tie back to the Aladdin line and cool multis to close out the verse. would have loved to see more of a pay off at the end, but this feels more like a verse where you're just flexing with the rhymes more than anything narratively

Decent read. Ok rhyming and a few interesting ideas interspersed. Would have liked something more thematic, but it was still fun for the most part. You have some strong technical writing skills with nice vocabulary, which kept things interesting throughout.

I'm not the biggest fan of stream of consciousness flows for a final piece but it's a great exercise for generating content and ideas. i also think jumping topics so much prevented you from developing some of the ideas that i found compelling. Would have been cool to see you edit this down to remove some of the weaker ideas and add some sort of conceptual anchor to the piece. Regardless, nice drop, will check it out if I see more from you.

[Geno]

A couple lines i really liked a lot in here
Overall fire

But these were like hell ya..

Playing make believe to murder the sadness
Healing's crazy.. feels like an allergic reaction
Curbing my madness so I don't bust earth into fragments
Careful what you wish for, this the curse of alladin

Would you die for it? Is it worthy of interest?
You willing to change? Pay the surgeon a visit

Thats some of my favorite stuff from this. Good to see you wise. You were always one of my favorite -more raw syllable madness style writers. Glad you still have it.

[PancakeBrah]

Insanity

[Witty]

This was fucking incredible.

[Witty]

I have read this 5 times.

This is up there among the best verses I have read in the 20 years I have been on these forums.

It really is fucking incredible.

[Pakistani Hand Cannon]

you been nice, wise

this was butter

even some of the shit i didn't get sounded dope - iunno wtf throwing stars in the sky, miracle essence means, but i like the phrasing lol idk if that makes sense & idgaf, i know what i mean....the class issue line before that was cold.

the line that followed was some of my fav shit here too

Life an escape room, most have a fear of the exit
But it's a funhouse. Goes forever like mirroring perspectives

the fun house - goes forever - mirror perspectives is just slick. but the line before, most have fear of the exit actually struck a chord more.

other shit i found resonant

How many seconds on a clock? We ain't got much time
I blamed everyone else but I forgot what's mine
How much that soul worth? Under where the crow's perch
There is no birth.. no death
Journey within to where it glows best

mans out here coooooooking. talk that internal eternal timeless shit to em wise!

sheeesh

Laid to rest? I still conversate with the dead
Or maybe I'm caught in disassociation's net

i read this as nest initially - in relation to the eagle line before it. i fuck w this line heavy though.

couple lines i didnt like, or disliked, but i dont care to really mention them - nothing was really whack or hurt the shit i did appreciate.


love.