Twin Tourney Topical Division Round 1: ACTIVATE SELF vs Regulator- OPEN FOR VOTES!

symetrik · 12-02-2024, 02:13 AM

activate self:

dope, very my vibe lol. decent use of the topic, it was a pretty abrupt switch to "reality" I would have liked more time in the carnival and better cohesiveness - for instance, "seemed to entrance the crowd" made me be like "wait what crowd" and I still couldn't identify it, maybe the wights?

anyways, the ending was good with the words, smooth read.

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regulator:
I think this is a good piece - lots of multi rhymes and a good story. that said, you lean too heavily into the multi rhymes and land them at the cost of loosened sense, which could be tightened up.

I'm also not really sure where this ended up - it started off very horror vibe, and I was expecting murder and cannibalism, being tracked by like a detective or something or even just the carny who happened to be like... friends with the murderer or something.

the way it ended seemed like it was just... a malfunction? did someone (or many) people die? it went from like horror to pretty mundane REAL quick and that hurt the piece.

all that said,
mvgt Regulator bc it sticks to a carnival topic a lot longer and I liked that.

12-02-2024, 02:13 AM	#6
symetrik Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Posts: 708 Battle Record: 5-7 Rep Power: 12429299	activate self: dope, very my vibe lol. decent use of the topic, it was a pretty abrupt switch to "reality" I would have liked more time in the carnival and better cohesiveness - for instance, "seemed to entrance the crowd" made me be like "wait what crowd" and I still couldn't identify it, maybe the wights? anyways, the ending was good with the words, smooth read. -- regulator: I think this is a good piece - lots of multi rhymes and a good story. that said, you lean too heavily into the multi rhymes and land them at the cost of loosened sense, which could be tightened up. I'm also not really sure where this ended up - it started off very horror vibe, and I was expecting murder and cannibalism, being tracked by like a detective or something or even just the carny who happened to be like... friends with the murderer or something. the way it ended seemed like it was just... a malfunction? did someone (or many) people die? it went from like horror to pretty mundane REAL quick and that hurt the piece. all that said, mvgt Regulator bc it sticks to a carnival topic a lot longer and I liked that. Last edited by symetrik; 12-02-2024 at 01:55 PM.