ATT Round One: Dominate vs Candy - OPEN FOR VOTES!

MMLP · 10-14-2024, 08:27 AM

Candy, formatted oddly. gets a mark for originality but comes across as jarring on the first read. the Cadence is definitely there to start with but its a lil too muddled to get to grips with, rhyming patterns were scattered throughout. feels like a 2015 Eminem verse at times

feels like the story comes full circle, that's what the numbering in particular highlighted to me.

a lot of phrases didn't connect but "The sun sunk behind the desert" was GREAT tho, I have to say. saved the verse.

this feels beatable however

Dominate - very nice stanza to open, nitpicking but "a drawer" is probably what u were going for here, but it landed. the piece flowed smoothly after that with the exception of the closer.
pretty grim piece in truth but that was the intention and well executed I have to say. Butter smooth

felt like the final four lines could of meshed into two lines, to bring it home, If there is a flaw from a writers perspective, again nitpicking. Enjoyed the read however

v/ Dominate, less is more

10-14-2024, 08:27 AM	#12
MMLP Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 614 Battle Record: 15-16 Champed - Write Week 9 Rep Power: 9768091	Candy, formatted oddly. gets a mark for originality but comes across as jarring on the first read. the Cadence is definitely there to start with but its a lil too muddled to get to grips with, rhyming patterns were scattered throughout. feels like a 2015 Eminem verse at times feels like the story comes full circle, that's what the numbering in particular highlighted to me. a lot of phrases didn't connect but "The sun sunk behind the desert" was GREAT tho, I have to say. saved the verse. this feels beatable however Dominate - very nice stanza to open, nitpicking but "a drawer" is probably what u were going for here, but it landed. the piece flowed smoothly after that with the exception of the closer. pretty grim piece in truth but that was the intention and well executed I have to say. Butter smooth felt like the final four lines could of meshed into two lines, to bring it home, If there is a flaw from a writers perspective, again nitpicking. Enjoyed the read however v/ Dominate, less is more