ATT Round One: Scar vs Symetrik - OPEN FOR VOTES!

[sral]

Welcome, boils and ghouls, to the AOWL TAKEOVER TOURNAMENT 2024!

We have eight competitors with their eye on the semi-finals round. Only four will progress. Do you have what it takes to survive?

Due Dates:

Verses this week are due Thursday and will be open until Sunday.
Battles that lack votes may close later.
One sided battles may get closed early.
Extensions are 24 hours

Line Limit: 16 Minimum, 32 Maximum

Topic:




@Scar @symetrik

[symetrik]

Cheque

[symetrik]

I will need an ext, my bad.

[sral]

24 HOUR EXTENSION IT IS, NO FURTHER SORRY.

[Scar]

yes

[Scar]

“Bonnie Blue Mark”

she sang the blues
complex melodies tatted along a patch perusing the back movement of her neck.
Afternoon. Perhaps a glass or two.
It was a habit. Soon she’d hit the sack for two or some hours of sex.
Then Showered and dress.
They’d leave as she stares at the nothing in between.
Purple pigments painted her jaws as she careened stretched -
out on silk linen. Swimming in velvet dreams. She’d powder her chest and esteem.
The mirror…

An image. Perhaps sixteen years at best
skipping stones behind the house on Neponset as uncle Harold’s hand cupped the bows of her breast..

Nonetheless, Bruises are bad for business. Showered and dressed,
She hopscotched across the avenue as the hours reset.
The Cheshire moon grinning, she wandered the town for a sense...
The sound, existential musing; a roundabout way of downing a sense of....what?
Respect, maybe?
So she drowns in the scents.
Empty bottle. It was gone. Nothing left. Autumn apple intimacy, vanishing at the drop of the seizing.
Left with nothing but love notes and tatted bodies used to sing the blues til she’s dead.

[symetrik]

“You’re like an angel of love”; I knew it was destined to be.
”Like Cupid?”, she cooed, as she pressed into me,
and I would nod, wooed by the beauty I’d see
beneath white cotton cloth as she moved in the sheets.
I was awestruck; I couldn’t find a sentence to speak
as she got up and washed up and pretended to leave
like she had to befuddle all the rules that I loosely believed,
but she was the half of my puzzle that made us truly complete.

She was a path to relief. Eating apples and peach pie,
we would laugh through the weeks and dabble in sweet lies,
like we were passion released, like the rattle of breached skies,
as we dashed to the tree lines in a battle to keep dry.
Time is fleeting as it speeds by, and I could see why
she was leaving. Esteem only lasts ‘til the dreams die,
so I asked her to freeze briefly cuz she had to be mine,
and I enshrined her in canvas and unhanded her when promised I’d be fine.

-sigh-

[Headless Verseman]

h

[Candy]

scar:
truly beautiful probably the best piece all week.. and thats a landslide like you painted her so pretty even with her slight over shadow of incest rape your character held herself soo high.. man structure was original why it was cool otherwise it was a lil stretched.. killer verse my main man..

sy:
dude that whole last 3/4 of the second stanza with the doubles was fire.. man im like not enough to take out the best of the week.. yet you hit with another line after line.. really capturing in a subtle way the entire puzzle take on the topic with the girl inner dream to have her.. pretty damn good..

vote = symetrik

i honestly think if this was an open mic scar would have taken the week out but this is a battle.. when you something ten lines hitting like that you cant just walk by the.. congrats and gl guys

[Etherwave]

I've been avoiding voting for this one because it's the best battle of the tournament in my opinion and I honestly don't think I can give it the justice it deserves.
Scar

she sang the blues
complex melodies tatted along a patch perusing the back movement of her neck.
Afternoon. Perhaps a glass or two.
It was a habit. Soon she’d hit the sack for two or some hours of sex.
Then Showered and dress.

I love the structure here. The flow. The whole story is beautiful with great imager and air of anxiety and insightfulness.

Symetrik

She was a path to relief. Eating apples and peach pie,
we would laugh through the weeks and dabble in sweet lies,

your whole verse I guess we call it here, was beautiful but this really picks up at the end and made my heart beat a little faster.

Which is the only reason mvgt Symetrik

Both of them have great motion but Symetrik relayed it to the audience just a bit more.

Very hard for me to choose.

Goodluck guys.

[Dominate]

Scar:

“Complex melodies tatted along”
“Swimming in velvet dreams”
“Autumn Apple intimacy”

Lots of great turns of phrase throughout. Those were standouts to me. Simpler, but I also just really dug “afternoon. Perhaps a glass or two.” near the start. It does quite a lot of work for six words - there’s a clean rhyme, a strong writer’s voice, and a good dollop of character development there. The varying rhythms/line lengths you used worked well for the mood of this verse, and the rhyming was pretty strong throughout. You had a couple of grammatical missteps which I found a little distracting eg “showered and dress” should be either “shower and dress” or “showered and dressed”, and a couple of words that stuck out as not quite the right choice IMO - “perused” and “careened”. Overall I thought this was a pretty good character sketch. I enjoyed reading it.


Sym:
Strong writer’s voice right out of the gates with the opening lines. Your language is more direct, but the word choices are very good - eg she “cooed” as she “pressed into me” says so much more than “she said as we cuddled” or whatever. Apples and peach pie was a good descriptor, and “passion released like the rattle of breached skies” slapped. You incorporated most elements of the picture really seamlessly (eg the white sheets). I dug this. It was short and sweet and successfully hit a bittersweet nostalgic note by the end of it.


Both verses fit the given image well enough, but I did slightly prefer symmetric’s interpretation. The picture looks more like a bittersweet or even just sweet memory rather than something darker about trauma and escapism, to me.

The best individual lines or turns of phrase definitely belonged to Scar IMO, but he also had a couple of things that didn’t quite hit the mark for me. Sym had a simpler but more polished verse.

For these two reasons I’m going with sym.

[Inno]

Scar.

Ok so this was such a dope showing from you bro. Simply put the schemes and wording where just flawless. The way you managed to say so much yet keep it short and sweet was amazing. I think this is my favorite verse of the week, I still haven't read headless or either way so we will see. So far though lol. Any way another strong point to this piece is the almost effortless imagery you managed to create with your words. Also you took the topic and ran with it. Thoroughly enjoyed this piece. Props homie.


Sym

Another dope piece here. I felt like you matched scars wording and flow perfectly. The difference I guess is you went with a more story driven verse ehile i felt scar was a bit more abstract. I gotta say you imagery was also on point. Like scar you managed to bring the topic to life. I eill say you did a better job connecting you words to the topic. I think overall your verse was spot on to the topic, slightly edging scar in that aspect.


Overall

Man this was a dope battle. Both came with the heat. Scar with the imagery and wording. Sym with a more cohesive and better connection to the topic. This was a tuff one to vote on but honestly I think what was the deciding factor more me was scars imagery. Simply put his verse was beautiful lol. Dope battle fellas. Scar gets my vote

[MMLP]

Scar - start with a rare negative, the font size/ choice was a bit off putting. maybe its cuz were so used to the regular format. but its different

already love this flow, then showered and "dressed" was probably the better word choice here tho, at the start

this reads like an alliterated poem, taking a very dark turn. some nice phrases in this, very descriptive. worked with the picture/ topic nicely. Smooth read.


Symetrik - right off the bat, your flow, use of cadence is a lot better than I remember from you, I've been gone awhile so don't be offended!
first paragraph is a lovely foundation to build on. nice tie in

would laugh through the weeks and dabble in sweet lies,
like we were passion released, like the rattle of breached skies,
as we dashed to the tree lines in a battle to keep dry.
Time is fleeting as it speeds by, and I could see why

I loved reading this part, pen is tight, story is probably more solid overall. gathered momentum very early and didn't relent. I wanna see you produce this level of writing in long form (I like I did lol). 16 lines seemed to hinder you

not much in this. Its down to pure preference. both had good starts, Scar probably had better phrases throughout but I found myself enjoying Symertiks more, especially on second read!

v/ Sym

[sral]

SYM WINS!