active disclaimers

Pharaohs Army · 02-19-2023, 01:28 PM

****2023 FEED by TUESDAY

Appears another "dickey" post by me, from years past.
Self-awareness can be a real bitch, as I was not even aware how annoying I was.
@brokenhal0
I think this old piece is good shit (but not FIRE like your recent!), let's do an out of 10 stanza grade exercise:
Stanza #
1 - 10/10
2 - 5/10 **ehhh bzzz...the wording and styling just seemed so free-stylie and fillery compared to the strong opener that I was "put off" a bit, as a reader, and made the asshole comment few years ago. Not excusing it, just giving you the reason. "whirly/swirly"
3 - 7.5/10 liked the "cut" word/line
4 - 9/10 really strong and clever stanza, that I liked
5 - 7.5/10 again
6 - 8/10 we see the roots of your phrasing/style as you developed into an even harder-hitter
7 - ehh 6.5-7 closer; I thought the final line kinda rushed. not a horrible stanza tho; "universe" rhyme we all know about those

================================================== =============================

It's been a pleasure "coming up" as a RIGHTER w/you.
I was just so relieved what you dropped in our Topical competition:
At the risk of swaying against myself, I'm just thinking... FIRE...FINALLY...lol. I can have fun and rip your imaginitive /now FULLY HONED &much better verses...It's like thank godddd: this is gonna sound arrogant, but I wrote a lot the last couple weeks and its just a relieffff to not have to "make something new of my own" to be entertained by-- I've got hal0's shit too now,, so that's comforting...

Thanks for being around, and keep imagining different WORDINGS to make the line/stanza hit even harder!!
TOP NOTCH drop Halo--glad I dropped something with effort & did this week justice.

Peace

02-19-2023, 01:28 PM	#1
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,956 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	**2023 FEED by TUESDAY Appears another "dickey" post by me, from years past. Self-awareness can be a real bitch, as I was not even aware how annoying I was. @brokenhal0 I think this old piece is good shit (but not FIRE like your recent!), let's do an out of 10 stanza grade exercise: Stanza # 1 - 10/10 2 - 5/10 ehhh bzzz...the wording and styling just seemed so free-stylie and fillery compared to the strong opener that I was "put off" a bit, as a reader, and made the asshole comment few years ago. Not excusing it, just giving you the reason. "whirly/swirly" 3 - 7.5/10 liked the "cut" word/line 4 - 9/10 really strong and clever stanza, that I liked 5 - 7.5/10 again 6 - 8/10 we see the roots of your phrasing/style as you developed into an even harder-hitter 7 - ehh 6.5-7 closer; I thought the final line kinda rushed. not a horrible stanza tho; "universe" rhyme we all know about those ================================================== ============================= It's been a pleasure "coming up" as a RIGHTER w/you. I was just so relieved what you dropped in our Topical competition: At the risk of swaying against myself, I'm just thinking... FIRE...FINALLY...lol. I can have fun and rip your imaginitive /now FULLY HONED &much better verses...It's like thank godddd: this is gonna sound arrogant, but I wrote a lot the last couple weeks and its just a relieffff to not have to "make something new of my own" to be entertained by-- I've got hal0's shit too now,, so that's comforting... Thanks for being around, and keep imagining different WORDINGS to make the line/stanza hit even harder!! TOP NOTCH drop Halo--glad I dropped something with effort & did this week justice. Peace Last edited by Pharaohs Army; 02-20-2023 at 08:18 PM.