active disclaimers
 

When can the coke leak?
feel the pain but im no beast
I pushed love when hope ceased
kept composure when there's no peace
my appetites strong but my souls weak

The passenger kisses me early
traveling out of shirley it felt like a whirly
a swirly for a girly boy acting burly

towers below the blooming cusp
in instagram i truly cut
introducing saturn lost in time
but im a loony one

violence facilitates active disclaimers
whatever designer your movies are made of
danger found freedom fusing with anger
another level wash em up using those hangers

sabotage my self forgive the drugs and liquor
advance adept baying spirits beyond the cubic trigger
intellectual my heart knows what removes the figure
i ain't stupid sinner you got what you ask for shooters with ya

sutures with ya witch hunt sick cunt with the lit rum
sail away far rail way cars im seeing stars on journeys
private bars weekends at bernies walking dead audibly thirsty

descriptive dreams transmitted earth
outside ill do it first shoot a verse with the universe
while you refuse to burn the rooted dirt
set loose the screws which brewed the curse

Liked the opening stanza.

After that, meh.

Crazy nice

****2023 FEED by TUESDAY

Appears another "dickey" post by me, from years past.
Self-awareness can be a real bitch, as I was not even aware how annoying I was.
@brokenhal0
I think this old piece is good shit (but not FIRE like your recent!), let's do an out of 10 stanza grade exercise:
Stanza #
1 - 10/10
2 - 5/10 **ehhh bzzz...the wording and styling just seemed so free-stylie and fillery compared to the strong opener that I was "put off" a bit, as a reader, and made the asshole comment few years ago. Not excusing it, just giving you the reason. "whirly/swirly"
3 - 7.5/10 liked the "cut" word/line
4 - 9/10 really strong and clever stanza, that I liked
5 - 7.5/10 again
6 - 8/10 we see the roots of your phrasing/style as you developed into an even harder-hitter
7 - ehh 6.5-7 closer; I thought the final line kinda rushed. not a horrible stanza tho; "universe" rhyme we all know about those

================================================== =============================

It's been a pleasure "coming up" as a RIGHTER w/you.
I was just so relieved what you dropped in our Topical competition:
At the risk of swaying against myself, I'm just thinking... FIRE...FINALLY...lol. I can have fun and rip your imaginitive /now FULLY HONED &much better verses...It's like thank godddd: this is gonna sound arrogant, but I wrote a lot the last couple weeks and its just a relieffff to not have to "make something new of my own" to be entertained by-- I've got hal0's shit too now,, so that's comforting...

Thanks for being around, and keep imagining different WORDINGS to make the line/stanza hit even harder!!
TOP NOTCH drop Halo--glad I dropped something with effort & did this week justice.

Peace

Yep, let's up this.

Yep, I am this arrogant.

We are all lucky hal0 is still posting here.