XI WK V: Scar (2-2) vs. Cereal (4-0) (SCAR WINS)

Universe · 01-13-2023, 06:42 PM

Cereal:

I didn't mind reading this one. It had the usual baffling word choices that bordered on incoherence but also contained some neat little lines found within the meat of the bars themselves, not at their usual impact point - the last few syllables. It was different in that respect so I enjoyed it. Cool "tie ins" to the topic with the golden rope references throughout too.

You should've written more for this one though, for sure. There was some decent momentum built up in this that deserved it... pushing the pace along better than your previous weeks... but you just stopped yourself, I guess? Which is fine because sometimes less is more if you think things will just go off the rails or whatever... which rhey can with you.

I just felt this was an overall more polished effort from top to bottom. If I could give some advice though, I would say continue down this path and really focus on CLARITY going forward - Make it your goal to write clean and easily readable sentences and I think it will benefit you tremendously. Your natural awkward style does lend itself to some deep material occasionally and I think if you focus on your presentation and delivery then your natural... quirkiness? will shine through into something destructively beautiful.

Thanks for the trying this week... I'm a lot nicer when I see effort.

Scar:

I'm so glad you didn't go completely literal here on this topic. LOVED the ending; Thought it was clever and would've been along the lines of what I would've done in terms of focusing on the "wonder" part of the topic and not actually the stereotypical comic book-superhero- Wonder Woman aspect... if that makes sense. (Although a well executed cliched Wonder Woman piece WOULD be kind of cool.) Really appreciated that you referred to her only as "Diana" as well, thus creating a kind of built-in origin story or possibly an epilogue without being too on the nose about it... Hence why I don't know which it is.

Zeus and the Greek Gods talking about who they fucked was hilarious. I guess that goes in line with the title of the piece. Enjoyed the exchanges with Darkseid and Medusa... But there was definitely some lore and characters, and by extension references, that went over my head I'm sure... Yet even what I didn't understand I enjoyed at face value. Your world building here was good enough to carry the less-knowledgable reader through.

You're definitely not the Scar from the GWL in terms of effort you put in anymore lol, the guy that beat ME at the top of my game, for fuck sakes... but you're still one of my favorite writers on here because you're entertaining and intelligent no matter what you decide to do, and you have the ability to go off at anytime and make something insanely epic and magical.

Although this wasn't exactly it, it was still a cleverly written, uniquely fun piece that I enjoyed.

Keep doing your thing man.

Vote: Scar

01-13-2023, 06:42 PM	#4
Universe Everything's Connected Join Date: Nov 2017 Location: Niagara Falls, Canada Posts: 1,001 Battle Record: 19-8 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League(2x) - GWL Picture challenge(2x) - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 10178706	Cereal: I didn't mind reading this one. It had the usual baffling word choices that bordered on incoherence but also contained some neat little lines found within the meat of the bars themselves, not at their usual impact point - the last few syllables. It was different in that respect so I enjoyed it. Cool "tie ins" to the topic with the golden rope references throughout too. You should've written more for this one though, for sure. There was some decent momentum built up in this that deserved it... pushing the pace along better than your previous weeks... but you just stopped yourself, I guess? Which is fine because sometimes less is more if you think things will just go off the rails or whatever... which rhey can with you. I just felt this was an overall more polished effort from top to bottom. If I could give some advice though, I would say continue down this path and really focus on CLARITY going forward - Make it your goal to write clean and easily readable sentences and I think it will benefit you tremendously. Your natural awkward style does lend itself to some deep material occasionally and I think if you focus on your presentation and delivery then your natural... quirkiness? will shine through into something destructively beautiful. Thanks for the trying this week... I'm a lot nicer when I see effort. Scar: I'm so glad you didn't go completely literal here on this topic. LOVED the ending; Thought it was clever and would've been along the lines of what I would've done in terms of focusing on the "wonder" part of the topic and not actually the stereotypical comic book-superhero- Wonder Woman aspect... if that makes sense. (Although a well executed cliched Wonder Woman piece WOULD be kind of cool.) Really appreciated that you referred to her only as "Diana" as well, thus creating a kind of built-in origin story or possibly an epilogue without being too on the nose about it... Hence why I don't know which it is. Zeus and the Greek Gods talking about who they fucked was hilarious. I guess that goes in line with the title of the piece. Enjoyed the exchanges with Darkseid and Medusa... But there was definitely some lore and characters, and by extension references, that went over my head I'm sure... Yet even what I didn't understand I enjoyed at face value. Your world building here was good enough to carry the less-knowledgable reader through. You're definitely not the Scar from the GWL in terms of effort you put in anymore lol, the guy that beat ME at the top of my game, for fuck sakes... but you're still one of my favorite writers on here because you're entertaining and intelligent no matter what you decide to do, and you have the ability to go off at anytime and make something insanely epic and magical. Although this wasn't exactly it, it was still a cleverly written, uniquely fun piece that I enjoyed. Keep doing your thing man. Vote: Scar __________________ ..Passed the Present and Future..