SEMI FINALS: #1 EVICTION VS #4 FRANK FRANK ADVANCES

brokenhal0 · 09-14-2022, 10:02 PM

Eviction - You set a high standard for yourself this season after reading it 3x i feel like
it lacked the signature eviction ''feeling'' emotion that IMO levels you up .. it also feels like you really weren't into the story itself as with all good writers the sense of ''them'' is either there or not ...this piece felt a bit safe and rushed compared to some of your earlier work this season it also lacked the lyrical impact and character driven observations that I enjoy the most when reading your lyrics ...

Frank - great opening paints a picture for a interesting story
sometimes your sentences drag but I noticed that's just part of your style
and sets up some really cool imagery ...this story had a poetic spirit
which some of your better pieces this season also had ..
so the impact to me as a reader was very light minimalism and lyricism done at it's best..
the subtle connections of jasmine,japan ,the lake ,the radioactivity ,the mutations
the closing metaphor .. great writing overall ..at times your writing does seem a bit
robotic but styles makes fights and that style wins more then it loses ..to me you did a better job bringing the picture to life..

Mvgt - Frank

09-14-2022, 10:02 PM	#1
brokenhal0 Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2013 Posts: 522 Battle Record: 12-12=4 Champed - AOWL Season IX Rep Power: 3891097	Eviction - You set a high standard for yourself this season after reading it 3x i feel like it lacked the signature eviction ''feeling'' emotion that IMO levels you up .. it also feels like you really weren't into the story itself as with all good writers the sense of ''them'' is either there or not ...this piece felt a bit safe and rushed compared to some of your earlier work this season it also lacked the lyrical impact and character driven observations that I enjoy the most when reading your lyrics ... Frank - great opening paints a picture for a interesting story sometimes your sentences drag but I noticed that's just part of your style and sets up some really cool imagery ...this story had a poetic spirit which some of your better pieces this season also had .. so the impact to me as a reader was very light minimalism and lyricism done at it's best.. the subtle connections of jasmine,japan ,the lake ,the radioactivity ,the mutations the closing metaphor .. great writing overall ..at times your writing does seem a bit robotic but styles makes fights and that style wins more then it loses ..to me you did a better job bringing the picture to life.. Mvgt - Frank Last edited by brokenhal0; 09-14-2022 at 10:33 PM.