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Old 06-28-2022, 11:48 AM   #6
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man the flow on this was bonkers the the story itself was really deep and emtional and the the overall feel of the world you built was untouchabe.. still though the strongest part was the vocab/rhyme structure it was soo fluint it flowed through and through but it was like some lines were endless and or didnt have the rhyme in it then pop even though where following the flow the rhymes were so subtle that they were almost silent.. great work..

ad:

i loved how its a story about the renaming of death to the reaper.. um the first stanza like 10 lines maybe even nearing the 20 mark were just hitting it wasnt all flow based it was equal value of story and rhyme.. it progressed at an amazing rate and just in general it was a cool story to follow along with and enjoy itself.. pretty cool piece i loved the take on the topic to the whole ordeal about the cancer ward and really just the depiction of the dude with the smoke was cool..

vote = adverse

just an all round smoother piece and a world that was more flushed out though close.. gl guys
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