WEEK ELEVEN: ADVERSE (3-3) vs EVICTION (7-2) OPEN FOR VOTES ADVERSE WINS 4-2

Mike Wrecka · 06-28-2022, 11:21 AM

I actually liked both verses. I read Evictions verses in a modern country pop song cadence like the horrible shit he posts all the time and they actually work better like that.

Eviction- after a second reading and twanging it out in my head I was able to catch the flow. Nothing outstanding but it works. Good vocab. But idk you are so vague. I have a hard time connecting with the narrative. I think if you initially would establish the setting/story and then go about unfolding it, it would be a more enjoyable read for me. I find myself half way through your pieces saying wtf is going on. Which leaves me not invested with the character and takes away any emotion. Like I said I enjoyed it for some of flowery descriptive phrases but that’s about it

Adverse - excellent take on the topic. Grim reaper writing a note about dying and being killed by love. Awesome.

“I breathed Black Plague over provinces making all the villagers fret
The one force that can stop the wars, lay heroes and villains to rest“

Enjoyed this line. Really like the villagers and villains wordplay.

Overall- eviction needs to improve his storytelling. His mechanics are fine imo. But set the setting bro. Adverse takes this for a better take on the topic and for writing a complete narrative with a beginning , middle and end.

Vote - Adverse

06-28-2022, 11:21 AM	#5
Mike Wrecka WOW Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,591 Battle Record: 29-25 Champed - Writing Challenge League I Rep Power: 82779338	I actually liked both verses. I read Evictions verses in a modern country pop song cadence like the horrible shit he posts all the time and they actually work better like that. Eviction- after a second reading and twanging it out in my head I was able to catch the flow. Nothing outstanding but it works. Good vocab. But idk you are so vague. I have a hard time connecting with the narrative. I think if you initially would establish the setting/story and then go about unfolding it, it would be a more enjoyable read for me. I find myself half way through your pieces saying wtf is going on. Which leaves me not invested with the character and takes away any emotion. Like I said I enjoyed it for some of flowery descriptive phrases but that’s about it Adverse - excellent take on the topic. Grim reaper writing a note about dying and being killed by love. Awesome. “I breathed Black Plague over provinces making all the villagers fret The one force that can stop the wars, lay heroes and villains to rest“ Enjoyed this line. Really like the villagers and villains wordplay. Overall- eviction needs to improve his storytelling. His mechanics are fine imo. But set the setting bro. Adverse takes this for a better take on the topic and for writing a complete narrative with a beginning , middle and end. Vote - Adverse __________________ A.bove T.he R.est