WEEK TEN CONTENDERS: TIMELESS (3-3) vs MIKE WRECKA (2-1) MIKE WINS 2-0

Adverse · 06-22-2022, 01:05 AM

This was a good battle. It’s literally been up almost a week and hasn’t got a single vote other than Doninate’s which I truly believe is because voters are intimidated by how close this is. I really liked how the topic could be interpreted as either the weight is being lifted or that it was bearing down on the person in the drawing and like that you guys both had takes on the opposite ends of it. Dope. It took me three reads to actually prefer one verse to another m, but let’s get to it

Mike
This read more like an emotional information dump that rhymed through the beginning of your verse, which is awesome, your character was really spilling their guts for awhile but in the kind of ranting format of your verse there were some genuine gems sprinkled in, things like:

“ and I’ve found my peace, it wasn’t hard to find, giving up on life, with these scars of mine,
days are fragmented shards of time,but this was the hand I was dealt, these cards are fine,”

“ abandon bandages and bleed excessive, I’m no longer here ,you can leave a message,”

The writing was up and down here though you had high peaks and also had some low lows.

As far as from a narrative standpoint you didn’t break the mold here but the ending did make sense and pertained enough to the topic that it worked well.

Timeless:
I liked where this was going but I felt like your narrative got really foggy, I liked the fact your based this around the idea of this character holding the weight up as opposed to being crushed by it. Just feels like you were sort of all over the place though and even though Mike’s narrative wasn’t amazing he stuck to his story and delivered a coherent piece. I don’t think I can say the same for you here man. I feel like if you sat down and nailed down your story structure first and then filled in the blanks you’d be better off.

I liked Mike’s take here better personally. I do think both these guys are great writers though and hope they keep it pushing as it stands

V/MIKE WRECKA

06-22-2022, 01:05 AM	#8
Adverse low tide in serotonin bay Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 2,752 Battle Record: 37-28 Champed - GWL Picture Challenge - Guerrilla Writing League - Black August II Rep Power: 15446146	This was a good battle. It’s literally been up almost a week and hasn’t got a single vote other than Doninate’s which I truly believe is because voters are intimidated by how close this is. I really liked how the topic could be interpreted as either the weight is being lifted or that it was bearing down on the person in the drawing and like that you guys both had takes on the opposite ends of it. Dope. It took me three reads to actually prefer one verse to another m, but let’s get to it Mike This read more like an emotional information dump that rhymed through the beginning of your verse, which is awesome, your character was really spilling their guts for awhile but in the kind of ranting format of your verse there were some genuine gems sprinkled in, things like: “ and I’ve found my peace, it wasn’t hard to find, giving up on life, with these scars of mine, days are fragmented shards of time,but this was the hand I was dealt, these cards are fine,” “ abandon bandages and bleed excessive, I’m no longer here ,you can leave a message,” The writing was up and down here though you had high peaks and also had some low lows. As far as from a narrative standpoint you didn’t break the mold here but the ending did make sense and pertained enough to the topic that it worked well. Timeless: I liked where this was going but I felt like your narrative got really foggy, I liked the fact your based this around the idea of this character holding the weight up as opposed to being crushed by it. Just feels like you were sort of all over the place though and even though Mike’s narrative wasn’t amazing he stuck to his story and delivered a coherent piece. I don’t think I can say the same for you here man. I feel like if you sat down and nailed down your story structure first and then filled in the blanks you’d be better off. I liked Mike’s take here better personally. I do think both these guys are great writers though and hope they keep it pushing as it stands V/MIKE WRECKA