WEEK SEVEN: BROKENHAL0 (3-3) vs EVICTION (4-1) EVICTION WINS 3-0

Dominate · 05-20-2022, 07:11 AM

Halo,
This was cool for what it was - seemed like you threw on the beat and just kinda keyed this up as like a free flow of ideas that were tied to sharks and/or space, seeing where the rhymes would take you. Lots of cool imagery and some nice slant rhymes as usual. Less polished than some of your other pieces have been, excepting towards the end. I did enjoy the read but it's not a very competitive piece. I liked your verse last week better.

Eviction,
This was cool. Solid flow, good rhymes and vocab as usual. This was similar to a lot of your other work in that you're writing in first person, the tone is kinda sad/bitter/angry, you're obviously referencing yourself and this league in parts, the writing is heavy on metaphor/abstraction/'hidden' meanings etc. None of that is bad, but it'd be cool to see you branch out and try something else. I kinda feel like I'm reading about the same guy but in a parallel universe where the setting is different each week. I will say though that I thought your narrative came through much more clearly here than in other pieces, which I liked. Thought you took this one fairly convincingly.

V/ Eviction

05-20-2022, 07:11 AM	#4
Dominate Tread Lightly. Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 2,534 Battle Record: 26-9 Champed - Netcees Battle League - Battle Arena - Tag Team Tournament III - Tag Tournament: "Omicron Variant" Rep Power: 18197460	Halo, This was cool for what it was - seemed like you threw on the beat and just kinda keyed this up as like a free flow of ideas that were tied to sharks and/or space, seeing where the rhymes would take you. Lots of cool imagery and some nice slant rhymes as usual. Less polished than some of your other pieces have been, excepting towards the end. I did enjoy the read but it's not a very competitive piece. I liked your verse last week better. Eviction, This was cool. Solid flow, good rhymes and vocab as usual. This was similar to a lot of your other work in that you're writing in first person, the tone is kinda sad/bitter/angry, you're obviously referencing yourself and this league in parts, the writing is heavy on metaphor/abstraction/'hidden' meanings etc. None of that is bad, but it'd be cool to see you branch out and try something else. I kinda feel like I'm reading about the same guy but in a parallel universe where the setting is different each week. I will say though that I thought your narrative came through much more clearly here than in other pieces, which I liked. Thought you took this one fairly convincingly. V/ Eviction __________________ The Bad Guys