WEEK THREE: MASTER ROCK (1-1) vs OBJECTIVE (1-1) MASTER ROCK WINS 4-0

Universe · 04-12-2022, 08:14 AM

Master Rock:

Really cool beginning. "Let me fall into this existence of a clouded dream"... Like you're asking the picture to take you away and tell you the story it's trying to tell. The internal torment of this girl's disability really shines through as we go along - We are inside her head and, as she is trying to lose herself in the art before her, all she is actually doing is drawing comparisons to herself and her reality, which she can't escape... no matter how much she wants to. I love this narrative and its deep as fuck.

"I'm terrorized by the deepening of realities stream
running the transmission,
what is it that I have to give to unexpectedly receive?
my reprieve, I'm a prisoner merrily inside of the chimera's
ream, please help the phantom syndrome is leaving me unfelt
it seems as though my screams are a common theme"

- So good.

After that, I felt the imagery held up until near the end of the piece and it all kind of fell apart for me. The "crumble, humble, stumble" section at the end was noticeably bad after the really tremendous material before it. I wish it wasn't there... But, that said, your ending line summed things up nicely and was able to salvage it for the most part.

Objective:

Yeah... not really sure what happened here. But this is about as watered down as I've seen Objective in some time. Minimal effort was given here and it showed.

Rhyme schemes were basic with some grammatical flaws. Bad word choices... really lacking the depth I'm used to seeing from him.

This should've been a topic you fucking destroyed too... I honestly saw the pic and thought Master Rock was in trouble.

I guess not.

Hope things are ok.

Vote: Master Rock

04-12-2022, 08:14 AM	#8
Universe Everything's Connected Join Date: Nov 2017 Location: Niagara Falls, Canada Posts: 1,001 Battle Record: 19-8 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League(2x) - GWL Picture challenge(2x) - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 10178706	Master Rock: Really cool beginning. "Let me fall into this existence of a clouded dream"... Like you're asking the picture to take you away and tell you the story it's trying to tell. The internal torment of this girl's disability really shines through as we go along - We are inside her head and, as she is trying to lose herself in the art before her, all she is actually doing is drawing comparisons to herself and her reality, which she can't escape... no matter how much she wants to. I love this narrative and its deep as fuck. "I'm terrorized by the deepening of realities stream running the transmission, what is it that I have to give to unexpectedly receive? my reprieve, I'm a prisoner merrily inside of the chimera's ream, please help the phantom syndrome is leaving me unfelt it seems as though my screams are a common theme" - So good. After that, I felt the imagery held up until near the end of the piece and it all kind of fell apart for me. The "crumble, humble, stumble" section at the end was noticeably bad after the really tremendous material before it. I wish it wasn't there... But, that said, your ending line summed things up nicely and was able to salvage it for the most part. Objective: Yeah... not really sure what happened here. But this is about as watered down as I've seen Objective in some time. Minimal effort was given here and it showed. Rhyme schemes were basic with some grammatical flaws. Bad word choices... really lacking the depth I'm used to seeing from him. This should've been a topic you fucking destroyed too... I honestly saw the pic and thought Master Rock was in trouble. I guess not. Hope things are ok. Vote: Master Rock __________________ ..Passed the Present and Future..