GWL PLAYOFFS ROUND 1- #1 CLUTBUCK (6-1) VS #12 CANDY (1-2) CLUTBUCK WINS/OPEN FOR FEED

Johnny 6 feet · 07-21-2020, 07:02 PM

Candy- Some poetic imagery in here that I liked. The punchline at the end tied to the topic well, although I felt you could've engaged with it more throughout the piece. I see a lot of potential in your style and this league was the right place for you to grow it. The rhyme scheme could've been upped a little. Use of vocab was generally strong but awkward in a few places. Solid effort.

Clutbuck- Great take on the topic. An emotionally engaging story of something so simple but so important to a new parent. I really caught the heart of this. You put us in the new father's mind and conveyed a tone that wandered between sweet and funny effortlessly.

'She wants me to watch;
I want her to watch out!
The toddlers the boss now, our roles have reversed.'

Had me chuckling. I've got a smorgasbord of nephews and nieces I've had to watch like a hawk in my close knit family at one time or another so i felt a personal connection. Short and sweet. Great job.

Vote- Lars, good effort by Candy though.

07-21-2020, 07:02 PM	#7
Johnny 6 feet Storyteller Join Date: May 2020 Posts: 446 Battle Record: 8-4 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League Rep Power: 5558447	Candy- Some poetic imagery in here that I liked. The punchline at the end tied to the topic well, although I felt you could've engaged with it more throughout the piece. I see a lot of potential in your style and this league was the right place for you to grow it. The rhyme scheme could've been upped a little. Use of vocab was generally strong but awkward in a few places. Solid effort. Clutbuck- Great take on the topic. An emotionally engaging story of something so simple but so important to a new parent. I really caught the heart of this. You put us in the new father's mind and conveyed a tone that wandered between sweet and funny effortlessly. 'She wants me to watch; I want her to watch out! The toddlers the boss now, our roles have reversed.' Had me chuckling. I've got a smorgasbord of nephews and nieces I've had to watch like a hawk in my close knit family at one time or another so i felt a personal connection. Short and sweet. Great job. Vote- Lars, good effort by Candy though.