Attention Netcitizens

Universe · 04-29-2020, 01:26 AM

Prosecution: Your honor I'd like to request this case be dismissed.

Wait. You know my client was a member of the Wu Tang Clan, right?

Judge: Oh boy. Which member?

He was a fan.

Judge: Being a fan doesn't make him a member.

Objection! Speculation.

Judge: Did you just object me?

I'd like to request an immediate Article 41 and move to strike.

Judge: I dont understand, you're striking your own testimony from the record? And theres no such thing as an Article 41.

... yet

Prosecution: Your honor, what are we doing here?

We're invoking my clients right to a speedy trial.

Judge: That's not what we're doing here.

I'd like my client to take the stand.

Corleone: Yo call me a Stan again motherfucker I'll show up to ya crib and ass fuck ya fams in front of ya and wear ya flesh as a turban you wop dyke prick faggot. I know peoples. I know ya IP address. I got ya narrowed down to Antarctica about 80 square miles due East from that polar ice cap that looks like a dime baggy.

I'm standing right next to you.

Corleone: For now. You be lying next time, and I wont even dump ya corpse for tha fishes.

Judge: Do you just threaten your lawyers life in my courtroom, Mr. Corleone?

Corleone: I know people..
That's alls im sayin. Just listen when I say I mean business and respect me and stay quiet. I ain't no joke.

I said take the stand by the way... I didnt call you a Stan.

Corleone: Oh shit sorry fam. I cant believe I got sucked into that. I'm amazed. Let's just get some votes goin. Wheres the jury?

Judge: I dont think a jury would help you, Mr. Corleone.

Corleone: Why?

Judge: Cuz you whack as fuck and lost to Sharp.

Corleone: Yo I OWN Sharp.

Judge: You wasted your best Sharp punchlines in Open Mic... twice. Baliff Bayou, please remove this wannabe from my courtroom.

Baliff Bayou: With pleasure... He about to GET... THESE... HANDS.

Corleone: Yo come near me with those mitts I will fucking shank you.

Baliff Bayou: Yooooo... I dont want that smoke. We cool?

Your honor! We just received some evidence in the form of a text conversation between my client and Sharp. In it, Sharp admits defeat in the battle!

Judge: This is... convenient, counselor. But you may proceed on the basis of pure fucking curiosity. Where did you come upon this new evidence?

We received it from a source.

Judge: Which source?

Lars.

Judge: Is this source reliable?

Oh yeah. Straight as an arrow. Never tries to make shit up to get a DQ win out of desperation.

Judge: What?

We call sraL to the stand!

Judge: I thought you said his name was Lars?

It's complicated. Diablo... please step up.

Judge: Diablo? What... the ... fuck.

Prosecution: I object to this in every possible way...

Da Brayn Lord: I hate my life.

Barcotic: I'll fucking fillet you, you red headed fat fuck, I'll use a hook and toss you in a chorus pond. But that doesn't correspond..

Da Brayn Lord: Anyone have a gun I can use to put me out of my misery?

Universe: Ay if Barc can flip cunt-agin' from contagion I can damn well use Viking-dens...

*Gunshot*

I think some dude just shot himself.

Corleone: That was me. I put that hit out. I got dem shooters everywhere.

Everyone: SHUT THE FUCK UP!

04-29-2020, 01:26 AM	#22
Universe Everything's Connected Join Date: Nov 2017 Location: Niagara Falls, Canada Posts: 1,001 Battle Record: 19-8 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League(2x) - GWL Picture challenge(2x) - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 10178706	Prosecution: Your honor I'd like to request this case be dismissed. Wait. You know my client was a member of the Wu Tang Clan, right? Judge: Oh boy. Which member? He was a fan. Judge: Being a fan doesn't make him a member. Objection! Speculation. Judge: Did you just object me? I'd like to request an immediate Article 41 and move to strike. Judge: I dont understand, you're striking your own testimony from the record? And theres no such thing as an Article 41. ... yet Prosecution: Your honor, what are we doing here? We're invoking my clients right to a speedy trial. Judge: That's not what we're doing here. I'd like my client to take the stand. Corleone: Yo call me a Stan again motherfucker I'll show up to ya crib and ass fuck ya fams in front of ya and wear ya flesh as a turban you wop dyke prick faggot. I know peoples. I know ya IP address. I got ya narrowed down to Antarctica about 80 square miles due East from that polar ice cap that looks like a dime baggy. I'm standing right next to you. Corleone: For now. You be lying next time, and I wont even dump ya corpse for tha fishes. Judge: Do you just threaten your lawyers life in my courtroom, Mr. Corleone? Corleone: I know people.. That's alls im sayin. Just listen when I say I mean business and respect me and stay quiet. I ain't no joke. I said take the stand by the way... I didnt call you a Stan. Corleone: Oh shit sorry fam. I cant believe I got sucked into that. I'm amazed. Let's just get some votes goin. Wheres the jury? Judge: I dont think a jury would help you, Mr. Corleone. Corleone: Why? Judge: Cuz you whack as fuck and lost to Sharp. Corleone: Yo I OWN Sharp. Judge: You wasted your best Sharp punchlines in Open Mic... twice. Baliff Bayou, please remove this wannabe from my courtroom. Baliff Bayou: With pleasure... He about to GET... THESE... HANDS. Corleone: Yo come near me with those mitts I will fucking shank you. Baliff Bayou: Yooooo... I dont want that smoke. We cool? Your honor! We just received some evidence in the form of a text conversation between my client and Sharp. In it, Sharp admits defeat in the battle! Judge: This is... convenient, counselor. But you may proceed on the basis of pure fucking curiosity. Where did you come upon this new evidence? We received it from a source. Judge: Which source? Lars. Judge: Is this source reliable? Oh yeah. Straight as an arrow. Never tries to make shit up to get a DQ win out of desperation. Judge: What? We call sraL to the stand! Judge: I thought you said his name was Lars? It's complicated. Diablo... please step up. Judge: Diablo? What... the ... fuck. Prosecution: I object to this in every possible way... Da Brayn Lord: I hate my life. Barcotic: I'll fucking fillet you, you red headed fat fuck, I'll use a hook and toss you in a chorus pond. But that doesn't correspond.. Da Brayn Lord: Anyone have a gun I can use to put me out of my misery? Universe: Ay if Barc can flip cunt-agin' from contagion I can damn well use Viking-dens... Gunshot I think some dude just shot himself. Corleone: That was me. I put that hit out. I got dem shooters everywhere. Everyone: SHUT THE FUCK UP! __________________ ..Passed the Present and Future..