Week 5: Adverse vs brokenhal0 ADVERSE WINS

[Bodey]

halo - your whole verse seemed like a flex piece. it didnt really dig deep into anything, and it seemed like you got more stuck on the rhyme than you did for a more narrative-based piece. i think if you personalize your shit more, and then edit the lines later, you could have some good writing on your hands. dont be a slave to the rhyme, cuz to this day i still do this and it takes me forever to write something decent because sometimes the rhyming takes me away from anything substantial to say. and i believe that's what happened to you here

adverse- always enjoy your shit, bud. this was a smooth read all the way through, and loved the references to Incubus and how the storyteller was exploiting his feelings throughout all of it. the only part i didnt like was the last bar lol. wish you ended it a little more creatively, like i'd think this character would still at least be reluctant to throw himself into the will of God, but that doesnt mean he wouldn't have stepped in the church. know what i'm saying? i did the same shit to my own verse this week but oh well. all in all, this was a nice thorough narrative here. good shit

v/ Adverse