Summer Classic Topical: Round 1: 2. Mr. J Vs. 15. Diablo [Diablo 5-3]

UnbornBuddha · 07-23-2019, 08:40 PM

Diablo: I enjoyed this a great deal. Some lines are stretched, but its all very coherent and you have a very fluid and eloquent style and always adapt to the topical, which makes you outright deadly. And this is a perfect example, and I can tell you most likely didn't even try that hard, which does show a bit, because I've seen when you actually try and its even more deadly. But besides the stretched lines, and some of the rhyming is off, but its on point. The only thing really missing is the connection to the reader, its well-written but its missing being imbued with the thumbprint that draws the reader in.

Mr J: The one and only Mr. J, I think this piece was good. The flow of it almost reminded of that song by Biggie small and Bonethugs, it reads a lot faster than Lars and the rhyming is back to back. I like it as a whole, and you took a different approach than Lars. You went a bit more on the narrative side and a little bit more emotional, but no so much. Lars focused more on precision and you added more of a flair in the sense of stylistic persona, that swag. However, there is a discrepancy in that level of expression here, and that is where Diablo has you bested. Not because you aren't capable of that expression, but at this moment Diablo came stronger in how we wielded words.

Vote: Diablo

07-23-2019, 08:40 PM	#4
UnbornBuddha Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Posts: 1,008 Battle Record: 23-10 Champed - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 5 Rep Power: 23856379	Diablo: I enjoyed this a great deal. Some lines are stretched, but its all very coherent and you have a very fluid and eloquent style and always adapt to the topical, which makes you outright deadly. And this is a perfect example, and I can tell you most likely didn't even try that hard, which does show a bit, because I've seen when you actually try and its even more deadly. But besides the stretched lines, and some of the rhyming is off, but its on point. The only thing really missing is the connection to the reader, its well-written but its missing being imbued with the thumbprint that draws the reader in. Mr J: The one and only Mr. J, I think this piece was good. The flow of it almost reminded of that song by Biggie small and Bonethugs, it reads a lot faster than Lars and the rhyming is back to back. I like it as a whole, and you took a different approach than Lars. You went a bit more on the narrative side and a little bit more emotional, but no so much. Lars focused more on precision and you added more of a flair in the sense of stylistic persona, that swag. However, there is a discrepancy in that level of expression here, and that is where Diablo has you bested. Not because you aren't capable of that expression, but at this moment Diablo came stronger in how we wielded words. Vote: Diablo