turn time off

Eŋg · 07-17-2018, 04:17 PM

sorry, i enjoyed the preamble -- it was actually quite poignant. i might arbitrarily say you wrote the verse in two halves (maybe) and to that end i enjoyed the latter half more: when you tried to rhyme less, your sentiments (which resonated - maybe because i am currently accruing sedentary stiffness through my own choice) were more palpable. some of the phrasings scattered throughout felt askew in the tilt of the piece as a whole, but maybe i need to revisit it to grasp their intended purpose, if any.

anyway, thanks for the read. you write somewhat atypically, which i tend to appreciate.

07-17-2018, 04:17 PM	#8
Eŋg rhyme capsule. Join Date: Sep 2018 Posts: 2,150 Rep Power: 0	sorry, i enjoyed the preamble -- it was actually quite poignant. i might arbitrarily say you wrote the verse in two halves (maybe) and to that end i enjoyed the latter half more: when you tried to rhyme less, your sentiments (which resonated - maybe because i am currently accruing sedentary stiffness through my own choice) were more palpable. some of the phrasings scattered throughout felt askew in the tilt of the piece as a whole, but maybe i need to revisit it to grasp their intended purpose, if any. anyway, thanks for the read. you write somewhat atypically, which i tend to appreciate.