The Homeless Man

Gina · 07-17-2015, 10:22 AM

I loved this.

Only problems I have: repeated end rhymes are a turn off for me, and you do this with street.

The fourth stanza gets a little sloppy with the rhymes. They all felt forced like you were passionate about what you're trying to say, but couldn't find the right words.

The rest of it is well written. I definitely love the concept of embracing being the outcast, and that being freedom.

Great job.

07-17-2015, 10:22 AM	#12
Gina Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2015 Posts: 129 Battle Record: 0-1 Rep Power: 0	I loved this. Only problems I have: repeated end rhymes are a turn off for me, and you do this with street. The fourth stanza gets a little sloppy with the rhymes. They all felt forced like you were passionate about what you're trying to say, but couldn't find the right words. The rest of it is well written. I definitely love the concept of embracing being the outcast, and that being freedom. Great job.