Dead Man -- Vulture

dead man · 03-26-2015, 01:27 AM

i'm

not sure anymore why i bother at all
something sticks if you can throw enough collage at the wall
heal my scars. fill the bathtub. watercolors, we talked
of love and sacrifice and how i worded it wrong
if you follow along it's all a part of the same
piece of memory i strained into a siphon and hanged
by the bed. so we could stare at it on turbulent days
i felt your chevy passing while i walked to the train
i'm sorry i can't focus on a chain of command
or a central theme. like destiny or taking a stand
we're strangers in a house. it's like we're making the band
strangers on a website where we speak with our hands
i'll never be the same as circa sometime before
guess i'm entertained the most when everybody is bored
born into a body with benevolent force
let it go to waste and wait to be a corpse. washed ashore
endorphins for a run and nicotine to absorb
breathe mist, remember all the nights i slept on the floor
my friends were all enlisted in a president's war
with a blanket from salvation army keeping me warm
if you made it this far you are my brother in arms
watched me rise and struggle hopelessly until i dissolve
it's only natural like highway traffic after the dawn
everybody left me so i'm finally calm
if you think it's deprecating for the sake of applause
you may be right. i hope you don't remember me at all
i hope this watch rusts and all my problems are solved
i hope they let me drive my honda home from the bar
caught in the riptides. searching for the sum of your parts
you know me best as your own interpretation to carve
so write me off. i'm somebody you've seen from afar
who's seen too many suicides to write for the art
fuck poetry and prose and all the things we revere
i tried to live for others and it landed me here
i'm no vonnegut or tolkein, hunter thompson or king
just a vulture with no wind beneath my wings

thank you

oats · 03-26-2015, 04:01 AM

"you know me best as your own interpretation to carve"

excellent piece of reflection from start to finish. more to come, but there's a bunch of korean kids in front of me atm

PancakeBrah · 03-26-2015, 02:26 PM

This was dope. BEST DEAD MAN PIECE IVE READ THE PAST FEW WEEKS IN MY HUMBLE OPINION.

I'd go into further detail but I too have a bunch of Korean kids in front of me.

Wise Wiggles · 03-26-2015, 05:30 PM

Dope. Another one that hits home. speak with our hands, everybody is bored, sleep on the floor. Riptides, write for the art. All dope. Every line coolio. Felt it. Feel it. Gives me feeling . Stay up brother.

oats · 03-26-2015, 09:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dancake

I'd go into further detail but I too have a bunch of Korean kids in front of me.

hate it when that happens

Split Eight · 03-26-2015, 11:55 PM

Harsh.

Geno · 03-27-2015, 11:11 AM

something sticks if you can throw enough collage at the wall

this whole opener was fucking insane man.
it read like something out of one f my notebooks of past. just had a sick way of delivering it.
the qouted line. just crazy

i'll never be the same as circa sometime before
guess i'm entertained the most when everybody is bored

and this is what makes ncs so good. its really pretty clever the way you jotted this.
i mean, if it werent for a world of boredom... the internet would be absent of any of this. loved this

the rest was written nicely. just didnt have anything that struck me like those two
good shit

Mr. J · 04-09-2015, 03:12 PM

'Making the band' line was pretty smooth..
classic deadman here..nothing to really critique
a verse full of quotables and great progression
another great piece breh..nothing else I can say really..

Split Eight · 04-11-2015, 04:22 PM

I will feed this tonight

Split Eight · 04-14-2015, 04:31 AM

'll never be the same as circa sometime before
guess i'm entertained the most when everybody is bored
born into a body with benevolent force

everybody left me so i'm finally calm
if you think it's deprecating for the sake of applause
you may be right. i hope you don't remember me at all
i hope this watch rusts and all my problems are solved

& that fucking intro. Top tier wording.

david stern razor burns · 04-20-2015, 04:35 PM

This is another awesome piece. It's decidedly deadman in every aspect, but by writing a deadman verse, you're writing a great verse.

Not much else to say except thank you really for the constant stream of great reads. Nice to see somebody so committed to their writing and always posting high quality material. Good luck in the AOWL, competition looks stiff. Keep doing what you have been though, and it should all work out for you.

Pharaohs Army · 04-24-2015, 01:04 AM

for the most part i love the way you phrase things and describe things. The kind of phraseology that even if it's serious makes me shake my head smirking or laughing because it's creative or provocative. i'm not quoting any right now because there were a bunch. well here's one:
i'll never be the same as circa sometime before.

rhymes are almost always on point. effortless at times, in a good way.

didn't like the word "hopelessly" from a technical perspective, the way things were going. suppose there's a way to shape it.
right after that tho I loved "only natural / highway traffic".

keep it up i enjoy your shit

03-26-2015, 01:27 AM	#1
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,485 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606679	Dead Man -- Vulture i'm not sure anymore why i bother at all something sticks if you can throw enough collage at the wall heal my scars. fill the bathtub. watercolors, we talked of love and sacrifice and how i worded it wrong if you follow along it's all a part of the same piece of memory i strained into a siphon and hanged by the bed. so we could stare at it on turbulent days i felt your chevy passing while i walked to the train i'm sorry i can't focus on a chain of command or a central theme. like destiny or taking a stand we're strangers in a house. it's like we're making the band strangers on a website where we speak with our hands i'll never be the same as circa sometime before guess i'm entertained the most when everybody is bored born into a body with benevolent force let it go to waste and wait to be a corpse. washed ashore endorphins for a run and nicotine to absorb breathe mist, remember all the nights i slept on the floor my friends were all enlisted in a president's war with a blanket from salvation army keeping me warm if you made it this far you are my brother in arms watched me rise and struggle hopelessly until i dissolve it's only natural like highway traffic after the dawn everybody left me so i'm finally calm if you think it's deprecating for the sake of applause you may be right. i hope you don't remember me at all i hope this watch rusts and all my problems are solved i hope they let me drive my honda home from the bar caught in the riptides. searching for the sum of your parts you know me best as your own interpretation to carve so write me off. i'm somebody you've seen from afar who's seen too many suicides to write for the art fuck poetry and prose and all the things we revere i tried to live for others and it landed me here i'm no vonnegut or tolkein, hunter thompson or king just a vulture with no wind beneath my wings thank you __________________ Zack Wicks for president

03-26-2015, 04:01 AM	#2
oats Steel Cut Join Date: May 2013 Posts: 5,084 Battle Record: 19-10 Accomplishments - OM HOF (2x) Champed - Fight Night LXXXIV - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 79005428	"you know me best as your own interpretation to carve" excellent piece of reflection from start to finish. more to come, but there's a bunch of korean kids in front of me atm __________________ You should be water

03-26-2015, 02:26 PM	#3
PancakeBrah SOBER Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 12,480 Battle Record: 2-5 Champed - AOWL Season 2 Rep Power: 85899407	This was dope. BEST DEAD MAN PIECE IVE READ THE PAST FEW WEEKS IN MY HUMBLE OPINION. I'd go into further detail but I too have a bunch of Korean kids in front of me. __________________ Netcees 2025 Revivalist Movement Founder

03-26-2015, 05:30 PM	#4
Wise Wiggles nok Su kow Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,505 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 51788022	Dope. Another one that hits home. speak with our hands, everybody is bored, sleep on the floor. Riptides, write for the art. All dope. Every line coolio. Felt it. Feel it. Gives me feeling . Stay up brother. __________________ "black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch"

03-27-2015, 11:11 AM	#7
Geno White Earl Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Philly Cat. Posts: 12,354 Battle Record: 10-15 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x) Champed - Netcees Writers League - Write Week I - Write Week 8 Rep Power: 50036761	something sticks if you can throw enough collage at the wall this whole opener was fucking insane man. it read like something out of one f my notebooks of past. just had a sick way of delivering it. the qouted line. just crazy i'll never be the same as circa sometime before guess i'm entertained the most when everybody is bored and this is what makes ncs so good. its really pretty clever the way you jotted this. i mean, if it werent for a world of boredom... the internet would be absent of any of this. loved this the rest was written nicely. just didnt have anything that struck me like those two good shit __________________ *-A.bove T.he R.est*

03-26-2015, 11:55 PM	#6
Split Eight ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Join Date: Feb 2015 Posts: 1,632 Battle Record: 3-5 Champed - Haiku Writers Challenge Rep Power: 85899380	Harsh.

04-09-2015, 03:12 PM	#8
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	'Making the band' line was pretty smooth.. classic deadman here..nothing to really critique a verse full of quotables and great progression another great piece breh..nothing else I can say really.. __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

04-20-2015, 04:35 PM	#11
david stern razor burns with razor spurs Join Date: Mar 2014 Location: At David Blaine's favorite place with David Spade and Macy Gray Posts: 87 Rep Power: 3750190	This is another awesome piece. It's decidedly deadman in every aspect, but by writing a deadman verse, you're writing a great verse. Not much else to say except thank you really for the constant stream of great reads. Nice to see somebody so committed to their writing and always posting high quality material. Good luck in the AOWL, competition looks stiff. Keep doing what you have been though, and it should all work out for you.

04-24-2015, 01:04 AM	#12
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,956 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	for the most part i love the way you phrase things and describe things. The kind of phraseology that even if it's serious makes me shake my head smirking or laughing because it's creative or provocative. i'm not quoting any right now because there were a bunch. well here's one: i'll never be the same as circa sometime before. rhymes are almost always on point. effortless at times, in a good way. didn't like the word "hopelessly" from a technical perspective, the way things were going. suppose there's a way to shape it. right after that tho I loved "only natural / highway traffic". keep it up i enjoy your shit