|
03-24-2015, 07:57 PM
|
#4 |
|
Banned
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,956
Battle Record: 6 - 14
Rep Power: 0   |
The lyrics at the end are bad i.m.o. Seems like you just wanted to finish.
But I feel like if you flowed it more evenly, the begging and middle are good rhymes. I.e. turning 4 lines into 1. As our mortal world turns ever so on it's axis There are forces at work designed to distract us. As our mortal world turns ever so on it's axis There are forces at work designed to distract us. It's one sentence anyway. Just how i saw it |
|
|
|
|
Threaded Mode