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Old 03-07-2015, 11:11 PM   #4
oats
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I dig it, nice little emotional diddy. Rhythm was on-point, slant rhymes worked, overall it was solid, if nothing spectacular. I may be a little cynical about pieces like these, because I tend to gravitate towards things that pique my curiosity, or appeal to my own experiences, and this was a little generic in those regards. It's good, just not unique or memorable, nah mean? To be fair, I get the feeling that this was more of a personal thing for you, not meant to be anything more than an expression of your feelings at a given moment, so take that critique with a grain of salt; not every verse stems from a grand ambition/is out to change the world. But yeah, I liked it, just would like to see something idiosyncratic to characterize it/make it uniquely yours. Always a pleasure.
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