lonely, again.
 

You turned me into a cliché. Made me make these sob verses. Maybe, I’m crazy. Nah, worthless. Fuck you. Baby, I’m not perfect, but maybe if you stop worrying we’ll make it, alright? Nothing can change by fighting, but fucking could save us tonight. I love you.

“Okay, good night.”

This shit changes by the second, but lately it’s gotten worse since I started drinking to stop the hurting. Jameson’s not working. One minute you’re all happy. The next you’re angry and depressive, and I can’t help but fucking hate it. This self-destructive behavior...Love is a motherfucker, ain’t it? Enough is enough. Maybe, I’m just fucking in love, but I think you’re fucking this up. BABY. We’re stuck in a rut, waiting, on someone to trust. Angrily, I come home to fuck and make you scream.

“It’s only lust,” you say to me. “I know you must hate me.”

“Please!”

She’s become my crutch. I made her leave because I fucked up and let her see I was nothing but a made-up dream. A bunch of fucking fantasies. All those ones you can’t believe.

This was an amazing work, you expressed how you feel toward her a lot.

I dig it, nice little emotional diddy. Rhythm was on-point, slant rhymes worked, overall it was solid, if nothing spectacular. I may be a little cynical about pieces like these, because I tend to gravitate towards things that pique my curiosity, or appeal to my own experiences, and this was a little generic in those regards. It's good, just not unique or memorable, nah mean? To be fair, I get the feeling that this was more of a personal thing for you, not meant to be anything more than an expression of your feelings at a given moment, so take that critique with a grain of salt; not every verse stems from a grand ambition/is out to change the world. But yeah, I liked it, just would like to see something idiosyncratic to characterize it/make it uniquely yours. Always a pleasure.

I feel as though you're infringing on my territory here. Only I am allowed to write rambling, alcoholic love scorned missives on this website. But you did it well! You captured the desperation and all that ugliness. This was like a mistaken text message of a piece. In a good way! Got a little personal there. Said the word fuck a lot. But out of all that, poetry! DRUNKEN GOT DAMN POETRY, I SAY. No but I liked reading this.

Thanks for the read!

Your prosey format of some of your raps is quite impressive. We should all strive to incorporate it.

loved it, flowed dope over this actin crazy shit -but i think anything can be made to ride this beat

i've really been liking the more melancholic work you've been posting lately, zen. it's brutally and tragically honest. very relationship-centric and blue. your prose structure lets me know you're less concerned with format and analysis and more concerned with content.

i read your AOWL submission for this week and this seems like part of a series. femme fatale nostalgia blues. i've been there all too often. its the fire for my flame. like it has been for yours in recent weeks. but its a phase. rivers and tides.

thank you

I should read this


Edit

Srsly enjoyed this. The free flowing rhyme outa no where
Style suits you. Also never deviate from paragraph format
You seem to do it very well.

This was quite amazing. it read as a short story would
the structure of it made the flow seem much more refined
you broughta different element to the table and let it ride out
pretty smooth to say the least. you put out a very emotional vibe
added character between the small glimpses of issues as thy occur
very real..that's the word..'real'...nice work Zen keep it up..

damn. this was cool. this reminds me of my one about beers after work. this just freeflowed but it was realness. i told u ur an emo bish. ahaha. but no this was good though, interesting read as always. obv rhymes too. good shit brethren