Week 14 contender match: 3. Adonis (6-7) vs. 4. zygote (10-3) \\ zygote wins 6-2

patrown · 06-02-2014, 01:23 AM

adonis - this started off really well. believable character.. storytelling was rather straightforward for you. turned out good for being out of the box. i liked the line about being duct taped to a desk. got a kick out of it. pretty creepy phrases and word choices. i think the way the piece was a little off the whole time fit the approach. overall, i think a smoother transition from character development to action would've helped the most. had the middle been improved a bit, this decision would've been much harder for me. everything else was on point.

zygote - i enjoyed how the entire piece could've been the pitch. explaining how there were 21 commandments and you only gave the first few. which imo were funny as hell. like this..
Success is like turkey meat - fear is the bread of the sandwich. Let the turkey meat fly and all your dreams will be enacted.
let the turkey meat fly! LOL. fucking gold. enjoyed these lines the most..
I’ve been in the business for over 25 years, my sole occupation is success - I specialize here.
I’ve perfected a method to best survive fear and a technique to compete and set aside peers.
I’m a success maximiser. Caviar appetizer, self-advertiser. I despise stress magnifiers.
"i despise stress magnifiers." lol. kinda corny. but that's what you were going for. nice job.

/v - zygote. his piece was more polished. i really enjoyed it.

06-02-2014, 01:23 AM	#9
patrown ‹^›ô¿ô‹^› Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 596 Battle Record: 13-19 Rep Power: 0	adonis - this started off really well. believable character.. storytelling was rather straightforward for you. turned out good for being out of the box. i liked the line about being duct taped to a desk. got a kick out of it. pretty creepy phrases and word choices. i think the way the piece was a little off the whole time fit the approach. overall, i think a smoother transition from character development to action would've helped the most. had the middle been improved a bit, this decision would've been much harder for me. everything else was on point. zygote - i enjoyed how the entire piece could've been the pitch. explaining how there were 21 commandments and you only gave the first few. which imo were funny as hell. like this.. Success is like turkey meat - fear is the bread of the sandwich. Let the turkey meat fly and all your dreams will be enacted. let the turkey meat fly! LOL. fucking gold. enjoyed these lines the most.. I’ve been in the business for over 25 years, my sole occupation is success - I specialize here. I’ve perfected a method to best survive fear and a technique to compete and set aside peers. I’m a success maximiser. Caviar appetizer, self-advertiser. I despise stress magnifiers. "i despise stress magnifiers." lol. kinda corny. but that's what you were going for. nice job. /v - zygote. his piece was more polished. i really enjoyed it.