Deadman: MOROSE

dead man · 05-12-2013, 12:39 AM

I

separate myself from those who love me the most
to summon a ghost. not content until there's something to smoke
burn butter and toast, burn bridges, burn blunts to a roach
illustrate illustrious notes. luxury stuffed into coach
knowing feedback is crucial to adjustment in prose
while you spit on every work review your customers wrote
puncture your hopes. penetrate her pussy or heart
when neither one was good from the start, pulling your card
maybe not. but if i wanted to it wouldn't be hard
mornings seem like frozen cartridges that wouldn't restart
unplug the remote, dust in my throat, a sick individual
performing Indian rituals, like fuck who's the GOAT
Elmer Fudd, shotgun barrel rolling hunting Godot
waited for 20 centuries with nothing to show.
fortune without fulfillment - a paradoxical joke
like when lyrics aren't shit but the production is dope.
same verses recollected now to constantly quote
phantom genesis, the monster in a comfortable coat
parade around the avenue like colorful floats
eat vagina like i've got some kinda luncheon to host
destruction is growth. money is evil, present is post
everything, is everything. a relative scope
determines a lot. words in a knot, twisted the rope
bloody wrists are appetizers for your dinner. morose
broken cliffhangers. semi-fictional posts
fucking up the system like Episcopal popes
living atrociously, liquor and coke, fixes to dose
sacrificial in it's essence like indigenous folk.

†

Wise Wiggles · 05-12-2013, 03:22 PM

Awesome

Highlights for me were the Burn line and bloody wrist appetizer..

dead man · 05-12-2013, 08:57 PM

fashoooooo

Fig · 05-12-2013, 09:04 PM

Poignant without being overly morbid. This was ill.

Suma my favorite lines

Elmer Fudd, shotgun barrel rolling hunting Godot waited for 20 centuries with nothing to show. fortune without fulfillment - a paradoxicaljoke like when lyrics aren't shitbut theproduction is dope.

determines a lot. words in a knot, twisted the rope bloody wrists are appetizersforyour dinner. morose broken cliffhangers. semi-fictional posts fucking up the system like Episcopal popes

Breh321 · 05-13-2013, 07:29 PM

haha read the title thinking it would be a lot denser material, and was pleasantly surprised
i can dig this man, great kind of thoughtful vibe to it
flow and rhymes were on point... if you had the time would love to hear this on a track delivered with emotion..could be fire

Mr. J · 05-13-2013, 10:30 PM

This was pretty well done, I was digging the flow you were using
the word usage was on point as well, it seems like you stayed on point for the most part
I was digging the whole thing really, it did have a few hiccups here and there
but nothing really damaging to the piece, it seems like you know what you are doing
buuuuut...if you had more of a topic to roll with you might shine brighter...
get it right Rihanna....nice drop

Dove Dozer · 05-14-2013, 11:20 AM

So ill..
The first two lines opened this up really nicely. Flow was superb.

Vocab was pretty nice i have to admit. Sick verse.

Eŋg · 05-14-2013, 12:38 PM

i enjoyed what these lines were sewn with, together with an almost tongue-in-cheek attitude at times

puncture your hopes. penetrate her pussy or heart
when neither one was good from the start, pulling your card

that one stung. me... for some reason. frozen cartridge that wouldn't restart/ was also stellar (very concise if you attempt to unravel, too). lines varied from good, to great ^^^ to a couple eh/awkward ones. overall: strong, good read.

dead man · 05-19-2013, 01:00 PM

THANKS GUISE

i will leave insightful and honest commentary on many of your works sooner than later..

NYCSPITZ · 05-20-2013, 12:54 PM

good shit bro i was doing papers for undergrads and had to bypass beckett in the norton anthology so elmer fudd godot line made me lol overall u killed it business as usual.

brrrrrrrrrrratp

PancakeBrah · 05-21-2013, 12:24 AM

write about picnics and 70 degree days or something

dead man · 05-21-2013, 03:36 PM

fuck no

@nyc

im glad you sailed through marshmallow starscapes in antelope asshole nebulas in order to view this.

also its dope you caught the godot line. i was thinking nobody would. wordddddd

UnoQuattroThres · 05-21-2013, 08:44 PM

You have some great representation in this...some imaginative stuff...even some of your line flips were cool like the heart/card lines...Overall you kept the tempo smooth and delivered a deep image with strong emotions...Nice...

dead man · 05-22-2013, 10:57 PM

mugin cool

jin the G tho

Dope girl · 05-22-2013, 10:59 PM

Excellent piece of work! this was unique. keep it up!

Just Write · 03-21-2014, 03:02 PM

This was fucking awesome @dead man. I really enjoyed this piece. From elmer fudd on this was great.

Certain · 03-21-2014, 03:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Just Write

This was fucking awesome @dead man. I really enjoyed this piece. From elmer fudd on this was great.

What's up with all this bumping old stuff? dead man has a new piece that you haven't replied to.

Just Write · 03-21-2014, 03:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Certain

What's up with all this bumping old stuff? dead man has a new piece that you haven't replied to.

Just was reading old stuff and feeding ones I likes lol. Tbh honest I dont like his new piece and sometimes I just would rather not feed something than say something negative, its not like I can give him advise anyways. Is there a problem with me bumpin old shit?

Certain · 03-21-2014, 03:19 PM

Given that this is 10 months old, one would hope dead man has evolved as a writer since writing it. Moreover, it buries newer work from everyone else. And it's not as though this didn't receive enough feedback when he posted it.

Just Write · 03-21-2014, 03:22 PM

Lol im just gunna stop feeding shit then

05-12-2013, 12:39 AM	#1
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,469 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606676	Deadman: MOROSE I separate myself from those who love me the most to summon a ghost. not content until there's something to smoke burn butter and toast, burn bridges, burn blunts to a roach illustrate illustrious notes. luxury stuffed into coach knowing feedback is crucial to adjustment in prose while you spit on every work review your customers wrote puncture your hopes. penetrate her pussy or heart when neither one was good from the start, pulling your card maybe not. but if i wanted to it wouldn't be hard mornings seem like frozen cartridges that wouldn't restart unplug the remote, dust in my throat, a sick individual performing Indian rituals, like fuck who's the GOAT Elmer Fudd, shotgun barrel rolling hunting Godot waited for 20 centuries with nothing to show. fortune without fulfillment - a paradoxical joke like when lyrics aren't shit but the production is dope. same verses recollected now to constantly quote phantom genesis, the monster in a comfortable coat parade around the avenue like colorful floats eat vagina like i've got some kinda luncheon to host destruction is growth. money is evil, present is post everything, is everything. a relative scope determines a lot. words in a knot, twisted the rope bloody wrists are appetizers for your dinner. morose broken cliffhangers. semi-fictional posts fucking up the system like Episcopal popes living atrociously, liquor and coke, fixes to dose sacrificial in it's essence like indigenous folk. † __________________ Zack Wicks for president

05-12-2013, 03:22 PM	#2
Wise Wiggles nok Su kow Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,507 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 51788019	Awesome Highlights for me were the Burn line and bloody wrist appetizer.. __________________ "black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch"

05-12-2013, 08:57 PM	#3
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,469 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606676	fashoooooo __________________ Zack Wicks for president

05-12-2013, 09:04 PM	#4
Fig Om Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 6,473 Battle Record: 8-16 Rep Power: 84181559	Poignant without being overly morbid. This was ill. Suma my favorite lines Elmer Fudd, shotgun barrel rolling hunting Godot waited for 20 centuries with nothing to show. fortune without fulfillment - a paradoxicaljoke like when lyrics aren't shitbut theproduction is dope. determines a lot. words in a knot, twisted the rope bloody wrists are appetizersforyour dinner. morose broken cliffhangers. semi-fictional posts fucking up the system like Episcopal popes __________________ BIRDHORSE 8-15

05-13-2013, 07:29 PM	#5
Breh321 Junior Member Join Date: May 2013 Posts: 29 Rep Power: 34	haha read the title thinking it would be a lot denser material, and was pleasantly surprised i can dig this man, great kind of thoughtful vibe to it flow and rhymes were on point... if you had the time would love to hear this on a track delivered with emotion..could be fire __________________ im doin something these wack battle cats ain't really used to, see this is rappin

05-13-2013, 10:30 PM	#6
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,033 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349679	This was pretty well done, I was digging the flow you were using the word usage was on point as well, it seems like you stayed on point for the most part I was digging the whole thing really, it did have a few hiccups here and there but nothing really damaging to the piece, it seems like you know what you are doing buuuuut...if you had more of a topic to roll with you might shine brighter... get it right Rihanna....nice drop

05-14-2013, 11:20 AM	#7
Dove Dozer loose leaf bruce lee Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 1,079 Battle Record: 7-6 Rep Power: 1853213	So ill.. The first two lines opened this up really nicely. Flow was superb. Vocab was pretty nice i have to admit. Sick verse. __________________

05-14-2013, 12:38 PM	#8
Eŋg rhyme capsule. Join Date: Sep 2018 Posts: 2,146 Rep Power: 0	i enjoyed what these lines were sewn with, together with an almost tongue-in-cheek attitude at times puncture your hopes. penetrate her pussy or heart when neither one was good from the start, pulling your card that one stung. me... for some reason. frozen cartridge that wouldn't restart/ was also stellar (very concise if you attempt to unravel, too). lines varied from good, to great ^^^ to a couple eh/awkward ones. overall: strong, good read.

05-19-2013, 01:00 PM	#9
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,469 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606676	THANKS GUISE i will leave insightful and honest commentary on many of your works sooner than later.. __________________ Zack Wicks for president

05-20-2013, 12:54 PM	#10
NYCSPITZ SYRACUSE Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,033 Battle Record: 31-37 Champed - Write Night II - Alias Topical Tournament Rep Power: 4743544	good shit bro i was doing papers for undergrads and had to bypass beckett in the norton anthology so elmer fudd godot line made me lol overall u killed it business as usual. brrrrrrrrrrratp

05-21-2013, 12:24 AM	#11
PancakeBrah SOBER Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 13,052 Battle Record: 2-5 Champed - AOWL Season 2 Rep Power: 85899406	write about picnics and 70 degree days or something __________________ If I ventured in the slipstream Between the viaducts of your dreams Where immobil steel rims crack And the ditch in the back road stop Could you find me?

05-21-2013, 03:36 PM	#12
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,469 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606676	fuck no @nyc im glad you sailed through marshmallow starscapes in antelope asshole nebulas in order to view this. also its dope you caught the godot line. i was thinking nobody would. wordddddd __________________ Zack Wicks for president

05-21-2013, 08:44 PM	#13
UnoQuattroThres 143 is here.... Join Date: May 2013 Posts: 31 Battle Record: 0-1 Rep Power: 34	You have some great representation in this...some imaginative stuff...even some of your line flips were cool like the heart/card lines...Overall you kept the tempo smooth and delivered a deep image with strong emotions...Nice... __________________ I stay an Infeckted Pen....

05-22-2013, 10:57 PM	#14
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,469 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606676	mugin cool jin the G tho __________________ Zack Wicks for president

05-22-2013, 10:59 PM	#15
Dope girl Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: I live in Florida Posts: 4,707 Battle Record: 3-8 Rep Power: 55521416	Excellent piece of work! this was unique. keep it up!

03-21-2014, 03:02 PM	#16
Just Write Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 1,709 Battle Record: 9-12 Rep Power: 4997614	This was fucking awesome @dead man. I really enjoyed this piece. From elmer fudd on this was great. __________________

03-21-2014, 03:19 PM	#19
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,072 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899403	Given that this is 10 months old, one would hope dead man has evolved as a writer since writing it. Moreover, it buries newer work from everyone else. And it's not as though this didn't receive enough feedback when he posted it. __________________ I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.

03-21-2014, 03:22 PM	#20
Just Write Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 1,709 Battle Record: 9-12 Rep Power: 4997614	Lol im just gunna stop feeding shit then __________________