Deadman: MOROSE
 

I



separate myself from those who love me the most
to summon a ghost. not content until there's something to smoke
burn butter and toast, burn bridges, burn blunts to a roach
illustrate illustrious notes. luxury stuffed into coach
knowing feedback is crucial to adjustment in prose
while you spit on every work review your customers wrote
puncture your hopes. penetrate her pussy or heart
when neither one was good from the start, pulling your card
maybe not. but if i wanted to it wouldn't be hard
mornings seem like frozen cartridges that wouldn't restart
unplug the remote, dust in my throat, a sick individual
performing Indian rituals, like fuck who's the GOAT
Elmer Fudd, shotgun barrel rolling hunting Godot
waited for 20 centuries with nothing to show.
fortune without fulfillment - a paradoxical joke
like when lyrics aren't shit but the production is dope.
same verses recollected now to constantly quote
phantom genesis, the monster in a comfortable coat
parade around the avenue like colorful floats
eat vagina like i've got some kinda luncheon to host
destruction is growth. money is evil, present is post
everything, is everything. a relative scope
determines a lot. words in a knot, twisted the rope
bloody wrists are appetizers for your dinner. morose
broken cliffhangers. semi-fictional posts
fucking up the system like Episcopal popes
living atrociously, liquor and coke, fixes to dose
sacrificial in it's essence like indigenous folk.




†

Awesome

Highlights for me were the Burn line and bloody wrist appetizer..

fashoooooo

Poignant without being overly morbid. This was ill.

Suma my favorite lines

Elmer Fudd, shotgun barrel rolling hunting Godot waited for 20 centuries with nothing to show. fortune without fulfillment - a paradoxicaljoke like when lyrics aren't shitbut theproduction is dope.

determines a lot. words in a knot, twisted the rope bloody wrists are appetizersforyour dinner. morose broken cliffhangers. semi-fictional posts fucking up the system like Episcopal popes

haha read the title thinking it would be a lot denser material, and was pleasantly surprised
i can dig this man, great kind of thoughtful vibe to it
flow and rhymes were on point... if you had the time would love to hear this on a track delivered with emotion..could be fire

This was pretty well done, I was digging the flow you were using
the word usage was on point as well, it seems like you stayed on point for the most part
I was digging the whole thing really, it did have a few hiccups here and there
but nothing really damaging to the piece, it seems like you know what you are doing
buuuuut...if you had more of a topic to roll with you might shine brighter...
get it right Rihanna....nice drop

So ill..
The first two lines opened this up really nicely. Flow was superb.

Vocab was pretty nice i have to admit. Sick verse.

i enjoyed what these lines were sewn with, together with an almost tongue-in-cheek attitude at times

puncture your hopes. penetrate her pussy or heart
when neither one was good from the start, pulling your card

that one stung. me... for some reason. frozen cartridge that wouldn't restart/ was also stellar (very concise if you attempt to unravel, too). lines varied from good, to great ^^^ to a couple eh/awkward ones. overall: strong, good read.

THANKS GUISE

i will leave insightful and honest commentary on many of your works sooner than later..

good shit bro i was doing papers for undergrads and had to bypass beckett in the norton anthology so elmer fudd godot line made me lol overall u killed it business as usual.

brrrrrrrrrrratp

write about picnics and 70 degree days or something

fuck no

@nyc

im glad you sailed through marshmallow starscapes in antelope asshole nebulas in order to view this.

also its dope you caught the godot line. i was thinking nobody would. wordddddd

You have some great representation in this...some imaginative stuff...even some of your line flips were cool like the heart/card lines...Overall you kept the tempo smooth and delivered a deep image with strong emotions...Nice...

mugin cool

jin the G tho

Excellent piece of work! this was unique. keep it up!

This was fucking awesome @dead man. I really enjoyed this piece. From elmer fudd on this was great.

What's up with all this bumping old stuff? dead man has a new piece that you haven't replied to.

Just was reading old stuff and feeding ones I likes lol. Tbh honest I dont like his new piece and sometimes I just would rather not feed something than say something negative, its not like I can give him advise anyways. Is there a problem with me bumpin old shit?

Given that this is 10 months old, one would hope dead man has evolved as a writer since writing it. Moreover, it buries newer work from everyone else. And it's not as though this didn't receive enough feedback when he posted it.

Lol im just gunna stop feeding shit then