Wolf and the Cub

Vulgar · 12-23-2013, 07:16 PM

I really like this type of flow from you:

"Swore to God who forged a product torn and pious, grew to 5 and formed a bond
Befriend a fellow soldier, blood brothers with an open palm
A code earned in a cut and one we swore with honor
Mortals called him Jamakha with mastered art in both katanas"

The rest of the verse verged on chaotic with content that managed to co-mingle at a moderate degree. I saw focus and rhyme scheme but not impact or relevance. I think you should capitalize on conquering all of those forces to make your pieces stronger as a whole. As a flow-for-sport verse, this was nice.

Keep doing you

12-23-2013, 07:16 PM	#4
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	I really like this type of flow from you: "Swore to God who forged a product torn and pious, grew to 5 and formed a bond Befriend a fellow soldier, blood brothers with an open palm A code earned in a cut and one we swore with honor Mortals called him Jamakha with mastered art in both katanas" The rest of the verse verged on chaotic with content that managed to co-mingle at a moderate degree. I saw focus and rhyme scheme but not impact or relevance. I think you should capitalize on conquering all of those forces to make your pieces stronger as a whole. As a flow-for-sport verse, this was nice. Keep doing you