Pandora's Box

[Nigma]

I woke up from a dream with my sheets around me
Something in my sleep aroused me, stumbled somewhere deep
Complete with heaping piles of peoples shouts and screaming out
They're needing help and nothing I can reach could meld it
Felt it like I'd been myself, the scene cuts out, I've bleeped out pieces
Keep it secret, need releasing, NEEDS IT NOW
I vowed to seek assistance and be deemed forgiven
For the prior lives, unseen and distant deeds akin to lethal limits
Frequent visits feeling like I'm fielding in the weeds as if a species misfit
In his seat, speaking with a Doc, his topics field logistics
Says there's harpies in the heart of me, we seek then to reveal the bitches
Laying in that seat I twitch delaying the imprisoned visions
Wit resists his crooked tactics, hand slips in his Brooklyn jacket
Took it back appearing with a pyramid, said "Look here at it"
As he swings the string it pushes backwards on a crooked axis
Latching inward blackness that I'm hooked in after
Landing like the soot in raptures, standing on advanced stone
Soon to seat the new released computer feeded SAT throne
Man this futuristic castle with a rulers scheme to battle
All the ghoulish things I've shackled to remove them from my mantle
So I took the box of blackness from core and swore to hack it up
Smashed the padlock with a hammer then the scene began to shatter
Now an evil book and chapter, peak through three bedazzled lashes
And the moon breaths as our Captain has his new breed of assassins
Snatch the jewelry and the cash so no one knew it even happened
The ringing of a phone postpones the haunting sides evolve and rising
Doctor smiles, your Captains called, he thought he could provide the truth
A quiet mooded man then rams inside my pineals primal view
I see myself in prior light and frightful sights are fighting loose
Hear three words that'll void my mind, the voice inside says "I am You"

[Zen]

Who is this muthafuckin ghost showing up outta nowhere?

The flow on this shit was fucking sick and there was some excellent word usage. Best part of this to me was your use of complex rhyme schemes. I'd leave better feed but I'm on my phone and just wanting to say welcome back fella.

[Split]

my nigma

[Nigma]

Appreciated, good to be back. Felt like time to write

[Lost in Thought]

i think the ending was a bit over my head cuz im baked as shit, but overall a decnt verse.



"Now an evil book and chapter, peak through three bedazzled lashes"- was sick imo.. good shit Enigma

[zygote]

Good rhyme schemes that are off-kilter and also concepts that are interesting for a 'braggadocio' type of writing, while also mixing in some story parts.

[Nigma]

ty for feeeeeeed friends

[Certain]

I'm not sure I understood the ending, either. But this was good given the constraints of heavy rhyming and still attempting to tell a weird, science-fictiony story. You seemed a bit rusty, using a lot of hard syllables that fucked up the flow a little bit because of stressors on rhymes.

[Illume]

Originally Posted by Nigma

I woke up from a dream with my sheets around me
Something in my sleep aroused me, stumbled somewhere deep
Complete with heaping piles of peoples shouts and screaming out
They're needing help and nothing I can reach could meld it
Felt it like I'd been myself, the scene cuts out, I've bleeped out pieces
Keep it secret, need releasing, NEEDS IT NOW
I vowed to seek assistance and be deemed forgiven
For the prior lives, unseen and distant deeds akin to lethal limits
Frequent visits feeling like I'm fielding in the weeds as if a species misfit
In his seat, speaking with a Doc, his topics field logistics
Says there's harpies in the heart of me, we seek then to reveal the bitches
Laying in that seat I twitch delaying the imprisoned visions
Wit resists his crooked tactics, hand slips in his Brooklyn jacket
Took it back appearing with a pyramid, said "Look here at it"
As he swings the string it pushes backwards on a crooked axis
Latching inward blackness that I'm hooked in after
Landing like the soot in raptures, standing on advanced stone
Soon to seat the new released computer feeded SAT throne
Man this futuristic castle with a rulers scheme to battle
All the ghoulish things I've shackled to remove them from my mantle
So I took the box of blackness from core and swore to hack it up
Smashed the padlock with a hammer then the scene began to shatter
Now an evil book and chapter, peak through three bedazzled lashes
And the moon breaths as our Captain has his new breed of assassins
Snatch the jewelry and the cash so no one knew it even happened
The ringing of a phone postpones the haunting sides evolve and rising
Doctor smiles, your Captains called, he thought he could provide the truth
A quiet mooded man then rams inside my pineals primal view
I see myself in prior light and frightful sights are fighting loose
Hear three words that'll void my mind, the voice inside says "I am You"

The flow in this was insane.

I could actually hear the rhythm shoutin in my head.

every other syllable was just an awesome point for emphasis. Got a little hard to understand toward the end and then as soon as that last line came I got the piece a hundred percent.

Absolutely mad skills.

[Nigma]

lol thank you, I could probably add a few lines in the ending for clarity

its a former army person with suppressed memories who decides to seek psychiatric help. his talker induces him into a dream which helps him realize that he was a captain who lead his troops into a slaughter or somethin

[Natural]

Unfortunately you're vocabulary and concepts are both usually
Far out there(except this one)....
I think that is a big contributor to you not receiving more recognition
than you already have.

This was dope though. The rhyme schemes are complex and dizzying
Truely top notch technical writing here.
Keep the pen moving

[Split]

Really enjoyed this. Have you really been writing since you disappeared? It was tight. Transitions were butter smooth, without the usual tendency people have to telegraph their switches. Felt very natural across the board. Only critique would be that a story-type verse doesn't need to be so dense with detail, you could dial it back and put it small amounts of figurative language and have a similarly tight and clear verse.


good though. Stick around.

[Nigma]

Originally Posted by Split Eight

Really enjoyed this. Have you really been writing since you disappeared? It was tight. Transitions were butter smooth, without the usual tendency people have to telegraph their switches. Felt very natural across the board. Only critique would be that a story-type verse doesn't need to be so dense with detail, you could dial it back and put it small amounts of figurative language and have a similarly tight and clear verse.


good though. Stick around.

Appreciate the read, yeah I been doing just as much writing since I've been gone. Just putting the finishing touches on a verse I've put some effort into so heads up for that.

[Scripter]

This was well written and had good structure and flow

"In his seat, speaking with a Doc, his topics field logistics
Says there's harpies in the heart of me, we seek then to reveal the bitches"

I liked how you used the real meaning of the word harpy
"that which snatches" or "to snatch"