Pandora's Box

Split · 12-05-2013, 06:59 AM

Really enjoyed this. Have you really been writing since you disappeared? It was tight. Transitions were butter smooth, without the usual tendency people have to telegraph their switches. Felt very natural across the board. Only critique would be that a story-type verse doesn't need to be so dense with detail, you could dial it back and put it small amounts of figurative language and have a similarly tight and clear verse.

good though. Stick around.

12-05-2013, 06:59 AM	#12
Split . Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 8,898 Battle Record: 27-22 Rep Power: 85899399	Really enjoyed this. Have you really been writing since you disappeared? It was tight. Transitions were butter smooth, without the usual tendency people have to telegraph their switches. Felt very natural across the board. Only critique would be that a story-type verse doesn't need to be so dense with detail, you could dial it back and put it small amounts of figurative language and have a similarly tight and clear verse. good though. Stick around. __________________ http://split8.yolasite.com