HAPPY DESTROY BAG'S LIFE DAY

[Certain]

Lunch was a meatball sub, marinara drizzled over it.
Anthony was sober, yet still screamed at the dude who toasted it.
"FUCK! I'm going to fuck this hot milf and need my energy."
Anthony was sober, yet still thought he might be getting V.
But fuck it, Anthony sat down and ate his sandwich,
in Harrisburg, where a swoll I-talian had an advantage
over these small-dick WASPs. Not that his sausage was huge,
but he was all right with it. And he had the meatballs, too.
He knew this one milf named Ally. Her son was autistic.
He'd have that pussy so spread another kid might drop with it.
The text read, "Hey, when can you break for a minute?"
Anthony knew his daughter wouldn't want a retard to visit,
so he wasn't going for the playdate angle that usually works.
Five minutes passed. She responded, "Let's screw after church."
Whoa, Anthony doesn't usually get that kind of reply,
so he sent a pic of his bulge with a tissue-stuffer lining his thigh.
Today was Thursday, though. FUCK! Anthony's patience was thin.
"Hey, can we make it sooner? I might be taken by then."
The joke didn't go over well, but he coaxed a response.
"Sure, my ex has Tommy tomorrow. Come by at, oh, 6 o'clock."
He spent the rest of his night drinking and making a video mag
and no-showing a championship match like he's bigger than that.
He would have jerked, too, but he needed to be ready for sex.
plus his ball sweat was smelling like that sub: spaghetti and death.

Anthony listened to Rocky soundtracks to prepare for the date,
with his persistent 3 o'clock shadow game, he'd swear he looked great.
Axe covered his rotten scrotum. Ally wouldn't know the difference.
So he pulled on his jeans, so fly he even forgot to zip it.
He walks up to her house about five fifty-three.
"Come in." Such a sexy tone. Anthony's thinking, Are you kidding me?
Anthony hasn't been laid once since he created his daughter,
or so he thinks. She's actually spawn of some black dude named Arian Foster.
But whatever. That's neither here nor there, and Ally's both.
She's in a tiny nighty, complete with the Cleopatra pose.
Anthony approaches, ready to get his fuck game on REAL BIG,
and as he goes to kiss her, she reveals a wig.
"FUCK YOU BITCH DIE YOU COCKSUCKER I TOLD YOU I WOULD KILL BITCH!"
"Wait, Ally? Allen. Allen FUCKING KNIGHT?! YOU DID THIS SHIT?"
Allen Knight pulled out the chainsaw under the chair
and sliced Anthony in half with one thunderous snare.
Anthony had a closed-casket funeral, but there's one positive twist.
His daughter met her real father and immediately realized how much more awesome he is.
And she plans to thank Allen Knight some day.
Sexually.
Probably by swallowing dick.