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Old 11-14-2013, 05:02 AM   #1
brokenhal0
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Default house the louse

a fog maze trap the haze back in the days of slaves and sorcerers
orcas callin upon subsonic forces forcing your hand clip the corridor
shut the lights off the smorgasbord for ya..
treat myself to a fine rue tea syrian screams majestic rugs
on the left a scale that weighs the drugs
on the right bengal gats sharp angle the angles got jaded mugs
dont sell crack if you scared to smoke it
dont hold gats that aint cocked and loaded
ill take a bite out a blow fish and let the scorpions sting me
revenge is sweet the centaur brings me to the lord of the rings kingly
born out the strings of symmetry my density desperate measure im all in
winds make the leaves rise when they fallin
the waters cleanse to form the Aquarian orbit
mannequins come to life in macys when i floss it

Last edited by brokenhal0; 11-14-2013 at 05:06 AM.
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Old 11-14-2013, 05:39 PM   #2
Mr. J
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Default

This was a pretty nice piece, I felt like you had more to it
but I may have just mistaken my quick reading for seeing the whole thing
I did notice that you edited it as well, this was pretty smooth though
a little swag to it, the flow was on point, reminds me of how I used to write
I hardly see you drop anymore but I do remember when you used to write consistently
very nice work regardless, you always tend to have a grasp of what you are trying to accomplish
I enjoyed the blowfish line as well as the smoking crack and gun's loaded part
a step out of what it turned out to be but felt like it wasn't a loose end, nice work
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Old 11-14-2013, 05:56 PM   #3
BWHAHA
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very off kilter and some mythical sardonic martyrish melancholically superb elements to this, dashed with a pepper of awkward surprisement. you have a style of your own


keep doing you,
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Old 11-14-2013, 11:57 PM   #4
Vulgar
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Unique flow on this.

"the waters cleanse to form the Aquarian orbit"

Very quotable. Creates an image, highly aquatic-like. Etc.

Keep up
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