COSMIC WAR 4555

[veritas]

Keep Mandlebrot mechanics in table top ceramics. While String theory of hammocks lie between liver spots and Chantix, scatter plot gymnastics tie a knot out of their caskets. Holographic fascist graphics blow colloquial gaskets, of their parochial antics…..but the nose shows Pinocchio tactics. My foes have sharp clothes with holes in their jackets. The Z axis enacts classes of classics, the classless castes stashed dead last from their habits. Access this fantastic scholastic bombastic ecclesiastic enthusiastic Ass-kick, and V beez iconoclastic to your beliefs, I promise this beef’s wrapped in plastic. The future, the portal, the keys to the court of the Immortal, hit like the arms of Goro, sing psalms that burrow Through ya Bureau’s borough thorough and hung like a burro. Hurdle the curves with fertile slurs, reversal, murder dispersal, and Versatile words of war surged, the immersal of every forlorn morsel Divorced from the source of poor worth and forceful…cuz we smooth Move the groove to soothe the course of this world. Interdimensional potentiality.

[Fig]

The assonance here is fuckin impressive dood. Usually people have trouble with that internal rhyming in that they let the words escape them and hold up the whole piece (i.e. lyrical miracle spherical spirituals) but you hold the reigns quite nicely. Maybe I cant appreciate the content in depth, but can see your technical ability and prowess. Great writing

[veritas]

FA sho Fig. Thanks for your kind feed.

[PancakeBrah]

Keep Mandlebrot mechanics in table top ceramics. While String theory of hammocks lie between liver spots and Chantix, scatter plot gymnastics tie a knot out of their caskets. Holographic fascist graphics blow colloquial gaskets, of their parochial antics…..but the nose shows Pinocchio tactics. My foes have sharp clothes with holes in their jackets.

This was dope and held my attention. By far the most 'technically proficient' piece I've seen you drop. I disagree with Fig, though, the whole rhyming words consecutive shit was choppy to me.

[veritas]

Fair enough cake thanks for tje feed.

[Certain]

I don't think the issue here that made things choppy was about consecutive rhyming words as much as syllable stresses. They're related, of course, but I think it's possible to go heavy on consecutive rhymes if the stressed syllables aren't so prominent and consecutive.

I liked this stretch most because I think it showed the style you were going for in a more executable format than some of the parts immediately preceding or succeeding it:

The future, the portal, the keys to the court of the Immortal, hit like the arms of Goro, sing psalms that burrow Through ya Bureau’s borough thorough and hung like a burro. Hurdle the curves with fertile slurs, reversal, murder dispersal, and Versatile words of war surged, the immersal of every forlorn morsel Divorced from the source of poor worth and forceful

This was mostly impressive for its degree of difficulty, as though not everything worked, it mostly made sense on the micro perspective and occasionally came together (as with the aforementioned section) in the bigger picture. Nothing really caught my eye as far as content or witty lines, but the rhyme scheme was impressive enough to make clear that wasn't the emphasis.

[Fig]

Fuck cake

[dead man]

goro was a motherfucker though..

MK was never the same post-genesis

[brokenhal0]

taco bell firesauce

[Vulgar]

blow colloquial gaskets, of their parochial antics…..but the nose shows Pinocchio tactics.
^lol nice