Killer Mind from Strik's Perspective

Brain Thief · 08-26-2013, 12:44 PM

I thought it was pretty ill overall, however there were a few lines that detracted from the quality

Yep son, I dump da nickel & fuckin' w/ me I'll burn ya dead
& turn ya head to nothin' but cheese spread ova' pumpernickel

In my personal opinion, this is a poor opener for such a dope piece. I just don't feel it holds weight with the rest of the verse

That bad heart w/ track marks.. about to make da gat spark
Wearin' a cap? I'm tearin' it back how I can make ya hat part

Dope line, nice use of a multie, flows well

All u make me mad, mark ass busters ain't no friends to me
Enemies, I'm Tarzan's cousin w/ da muzzle as I descend from trees
My hard hands troubled, it's from punchin' on everything I see
Punk motherfuckas just unlucky like a number when it was 10 + 3

The Tarzan line wasn't bad, you executed it pretty well.
The next two bars were alright, I'm not feeling the last one at all though. It's basic mathematics combined with a setup. It's not that bad, just contrasts with the rest of the drop

Blarin' Jadakiss I'll take a shit, u bitches make me sick
Since u can't hold a candle, blow it out ya ass & make a wish

Dope shit, this is were the piece starts picking up in it's level of Ill

Cuz if dis is what u want.. listen, I just hit da fuckin' blunt
Off my rocker, Johnny Walker tellin' me to lift da pump & dump

Flow's on point, decent setup for the approaching onslaught of lyricism

Dis is a monster ignorance squasher, spit on a hypocrite, potna'
Slittin' a wrist, dripped in a pitcher & sippin' a vigilants lager
Da innocence slaughtered.. these niggas is pitiful martyrs
Sit in a ditch, bitch & moan as I stick dis dick in ya daughters

Dope scheme, The last line doesn't do it justice though, needs to end with something killer

Da devil has murderous ways, not to mention he's hurtin' w/ shame
Ur imperfections stand as lessons, questioning personal rage
Merciful ways? Please, I get ya wife, put her on her dang knees
Should see ya sad look when I get my sperm on her face.. jeez

The first two lines were sick as fuck, then the next two were kind of generic and not as original, switching the primary rhyme to an internal is nice, but you could have done it better.

Say I'm evil & demented, Jesus, how these ppl get offended
Tell ya bitch to suck on my penis & if I scream it's cuz I meant it
I don't need an intervention, reasons just for me to get defensive
When I squeeze da friggin' Wesson u'd be bleedin' til ya death hits
Blood gurgling, love curdling, realizing breathing is a test, it's..
A difficult thing to pass, & this Earth.. u'll be leaving w/ an F, kid

Sick multie and a good finish, the highlighted line deteriorates the quality a little but overall this was a dope drop. It has a lot of potential

08-26-2013, 12:44 PM	#4
Brain Thief Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 23 Rep Power: 36	I thought it was pretty ill overall, however there were a few lines that detracted from the quality Yep son, I dump da nickel & fuckin' w/ me I'll burn ya dead & turn ya head to nothin' but cheese spread ova' pumpernickel In my personal opinion, this is a poor opener for such a dope piece. I just don't feel it holds weight with the rest of the verse That bad heart w/ track marks.. about to make da gat spark Wearin' a cap? I'm tearin' it back how I can make ya hat part Dope line, nice use of a multie, flows well All u make me mad, mark ass busters ain't no friends to me Enemies, I'm Tarzan's cousin w/ da muzzle as I descend from trees My hard hands troubled, it's from punchin' on everything I see Punk motherfuckas just unlucky like a number when it was 10 + 3 The Tarzan line wasn't bad, you executed it pretty well. The next two bars were alright, I'm not feeling the last one at all though. It's basic mathematics combined with a setup. It's not that bad, just contrasts with the rest of the drop Blarin' Jadakiss I'll take a shit, u bitches make me sick Since u can't hold a candle, blow it out ya ass & make a wish Dope shit, this is were the piece starts picking up in it's level of Ill Cuz if dis is what u want.. listen, I just hit da fuckin' blunt Off my rocker, Johnny Walker tellin' me to lift da pump & dump Flow's on point, decent setup for the approaching onslaught of lyricism Dis is a monster ignorance squasher, spit on a hypocrite, potna' Slittin' a wrist, dripped in a pitcher & sippin' a vigilants lager Da innocence slaughtered.. these niggas is pitiful martyrs Sit in a ditch, bitch & moan as I stick dis dick in ya daughters Dope scheme, The last line doesn't do it justice though, needs to end with something killer Da devil has murderous ways, not to mention he's hurtin' w/ shame Ur imperfections stand as lessons, questioning personal rage Merciful ways? Please, I get ya wife, put her on her dang knees Should see ya sad look when I get my sperm on her face.. jeez The first two lines were sick as fuck, then the next two were kind of generic and not as original, switching the primary rhyme to an internal is nice, but you could have done it better. Say I'm evil & demented, Jesus, how these ppl get offended Tell ya bitch to suck on my penis & if I scream it's cuz I meant it I don't need an intervention, reasons just for me to get defensive When I squeeze da friggin' Wesson u'd be bleedin' til ya death hits Blood gurgling, love curdling, realizing breathing is a test, it's.. A difficult thing to pass, & this Earth.. u'll be leaving w/ an F, kid Sick multie and a good finish, the highlighted line deteriorates the quality a little but overall this was a dope drop. It has a lot of potential