Galactic Fractals

Eŋg · 08-21-2013, 07:55 PM

you write nothing like vulg imo tho, lol. that doesn't have to be a bad thing. i have a similar opinion insofar as this verse failed to 'grab me', but i wouldn't say i didn't enjoy it. i respect that you attempted something... overarching. you have a decent vocabulary which contributed to some appreciably smooth segments, though similarly, there were times when your... idk, syntactical arrangement(!?) made the read quite a rough one. the imagery, for the most part, boasted enough potency to create an effective impression... your progress was fairly linear, you could say the aesthetic of your verse echoes the somewhat bland taste i was left with at the end of this verse. it seemed relatively safe, unambitious, formulaic... which might seem unfair given your choice in content. i'm unsure if there is an overtone )or ten( that i've missed, but i feel like i've encountered a writer who could do a lot more with what he has. utilize.

by no means a bad verse, just to clarify. pz.

08-21-2013, 07:55 PM	#7
Eŋg rhyme capsule. Join Date: Sep 2018 Posts: 2,150 Rep Power: 0	you write nothing like vulg imo tho, lol. that doesn't have to be a bad thing. i have a similar opinion insofar as this verse failed to 'grab me', but i wouldn't say i didn't enjoy it. i respect that you attempted something... overarching. you have a decent vocabulary which contributed to some appreciably smooth segments, though similarly, there were times when your... idk, syntactical arrangement(!?) made the read quite a rough one. the imagery, for the most part, boasted enough potency to create an effective impression... your progress was fairly linear, you could say the aesthetic of your verse echoes the somewhat bland taste i was left with at the end of this verse. it seemed relatively safe, unambitious, formulaic... which might seem unfair given your choice in content. i'm unsure if there is an overtone )or ten( that i've missed, but i feel like i've encountered a writer who could do a lot more with what he has. utilize. by no means a bad verse, just to clarify. pz.