fuck that hooker. ~shruggs~

Certain · 08-09-2013, 04:06 AM

I realize this was written quickly, but it might be my favorite of the half-dozen verses I've read from you. The emotion pulsated from this, one of the advantages to writing quickly. When you take the time to smooth out wording and rhyme schemes, you can cut into that deeper meaning. The first half was stronger, for sure. The second half was mostly rhymes and surface-level content, though the "crawling up my ass like a fetish" line was terrific.

I'm not sure the verses really go together. I saw you post the first half in the cypher thread and have a general idea where it ended, though I didn't have time to read it then. But I don't mind a giant ball of frustration mounting until you just spewed it out. I've been there. Shit, I'm there practically every time I write.

This was very relatable but kept its mechanics tight. Good work.

08-09-2013, 04:06 AM	#3
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,066 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899406	I realize this was written quickly, but it might be my favorite of the half-dozen verses I've read from you. The emotion pulsated from this, one of the advantages to writing quickly. When you take the time to smooth out wording and rhyme schemes, you can cut into that deeper meaning. The first half was stronger, for sure. The second half was mostly rhymes and surface-level content, though the "crawling up my ass like a fetish" line was terrific. I'm not sure the verses really go together. I saw you post the first half in the cypher thread and have a general idea where it ended, though I didn't have time to read it then. But I don't mind a giant ball of frustration mounting until you just spewed it out. I've been there. Shit, I'm there practically every time I write. This was very relatable but kept its mechanics tight. Good work. __________________ I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.