DEAD MAN -- DREAMWORK

[Split]

hi. the flow was nice.

I was wondering why you chose 27 hours unless you were using a personal experience. I think that's what kind of hooked me on to this. this had a lot of subtle drug references (Allusion to Tame One's M.O.?) which I think is a good literary device because there are sets of emotions and common experiences with drugs that people easily relate to.

mad scientist results from an empiricist's patience
awareness is basic - intuitive, inherent sensation
I like how you relate the idea of a mad scientist to experimenting with ideas and thoughts

Also the lines "you're not entitled to a dawn after night" took me out of the 'we' mindset and suddenly made this piece seem accusatory.. Like a nighttime day dream transitioned to a bad nightmare meets outward introspection

Righteous isolation? There was a lot of despair in this, I'm still trying to figure out the end, idk. Good read.

[PancakeBrah]

powdery lines, knowledge is crisis. power is priceless
sour enticement, sweet like virgin meat deflowered for nitrous

make it be. faithfully - i followed a rhythm
and finally learned the way to make an honest decision

you're not entitled to a dawn after night. let me recite -
you're not entitled to a dawn after night. losses are life,
let me recite. because i've never been the talkative type
never started a fight. never introduced my darkness to light

I always enjoy your writing because you can read it a few different ways for enjoyment. There's always an intellectual theme throughout, but if you can't quite grasp it you can just sit back and enjoy the language. Strong use of commas, and the way complex rhymes lend to each other so fluidly without being forced. This had a personal touch to it that I enjoyed. Doubling down on a line can be a misfire but you executed it well. Another piece I actually enjoyed reading and doubled back on a couple times.