Jew Story

Minds · 06-24-2013, 10:38 PM

I was watchin inglorious bastards and got bored. Let me know what yall think. I plan on feedin back on others but figured i drop one verse so you know who's giving you feed. (James Lee invented the MK3 Enfield)

It was 1931, when two young kids fell in love marrying in mid-June//
They moved to the country to settle their roots, hoping one day their family would bloom//
They spent the next 11 years tryin to fill an empty room, while prayin to God to deliver a child to them soon//
Then during the harvest of 42', God delivered a baby boy to Mr. and Mrs. Stys; two polish born Jews//
But fate had a slightly different ending in mind and decided to send the world's war to the country side//
But Mr. Stys would rather fight than just surrender their lives so he swore to his wife that he would "protect them or die!"//
He opened the back window and watched the love of his life carry his only child off into the night//
================================================== ========
As the soldiers gathered outside, preparin to bust through the door//
Stys loaded his Enfield with the spare ammo he kept in the drawer//
He posted and waited, then took a deep breath as he cocked his MK 3//
THEN PROCEEDED TO FIRE AND UNLOAD INTO GERMANY!//
He took the first one down with a round through the knee//
And painted the stone wall with the second Nazi//
The third came from the side but Stys greeted him with his knife//
While the boy with the shredded knee began to scream at the sight//
He started cryin "Mad Jew, please don't take my life!"//
Ignoring his plea, Stys straddled the boy, pinning him to the floor//
And ripped him apart, tearing his very soul from his core//
Covered in blood, he rose to his feet, caught a breath of fresh air and grabbed his M..K.. 3//
As he started to run in pursuit of his family, he said with a smirk "thank god for James Paris Lee"//

Advocate · 06-24-2013, 11:20 PM

Damn?! I gotta say that was a story I wasn't expecting. Lol the Jews strike back! It was a good drop, especially considering it was your first one on the site. I appreciate the feedback you had gave me on my latest post. It's always nice to get constructive advice, and I try to give that back to those who do so. Lol but back to your post, I wasn't sure if it was a rhyme or poetry. The only thing I'm gonna tell you is work on how you structure your post. Other than that, it was still a good read and you demonstrated good illustration wit your words. Keep it up!

Minds · 06-24-2013, 11:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Advocate

Damn?! I gotta say that was a story I wasn't expecting. Lol the Jews strike back! It was a good drop, especially considering it was your first one on the site. I appreciate the feedback you had gave me on my latest post. It's always nice to get constructive advice, and I try to give that back to those who do so. Lol but back to your post, I wasn't sure if it was a rhyme or poetry. The only thing I'm gonna tell you is work on how you structure your post. Other than that, it was still a good read and you demonstrated good illustration wit your words. Keep it up!

Thanks for words, I jotted it down and typed it up and I feel you on that peotry vibe. I didn't wanna edit it much cause I wanted to drop a quick one but you're right on the structure; needs some work.

Advocate · 06-24-2013, 11:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Minds

Thanks for words, I jotted it down and typed it up and I feel you on that peotry vibe. I didn't wanna edit it much cause I wanted to drop a quick one but you're right on the structure; needs some work.

No problem! Overall good job.

Coup · 06-24-2013, 11:42 PM

nice story...easy to follow nicely unfolded. a bit wordy, rhyme pattern was mad predictable...but all in all this was a nice flip off a movie that inspired ya.

~RustyGunZ~ · 06-25-2013, 10:15 PM

I like this

06-24-2013, 10:38 PM	#1
Minds Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2013 Location: Houston, TX Posts: 22 Battle Record: 0-1 Rep Power: 37	Jew Story I was watchin inglorious bastards and got bored. Let me know what yall think. I plan on feedin back on others but figured i drop one verse so you know who's giving you feed. (James Lee invented the MK3 Enfield) It was 1931, when two young kids fell in love marrying in mid-June// They moved to the country to settle their roots, hoping one day their family would bloom// They spent the next 11 years tryin to fill an empty room, while prayin to God to deliver a child to them soon// Then during the harvest of 42', God delivered a baby boy to Mr. and Mrs. Stys; two polish born Jews// But fate had a slightly different ending in mind and decided to send the world's war to the country side// But Mr. Stys would rather fight than just surrender their lives so he swore to his wife that he would "protect them or die!"// He opened the back window and watched the love of his life carry his only child off into the night// ================================================== ======== As the soldiers gathered outside, preparin to bust through the door// Stys loaded his Enfield with the spare ammo he kept in the drawer// He posted and waited, then took a deep breath as he cocked his MK 3// THEN PROCEEDED TO FIRE AND UNLOAD INTO GERMANY!// He took the first one down with a round through the knee// And painted the stone wall with the second Nazi// The third came from the side but Stys greeted him with his knife// While the boy with the shredded knee began to scream at the sight// He started cryin "Mad Jew, please don't take my life!"// Ignoring his plea, Stys straddled the boy, pinning him to the floor// And ripped him apart, tearing his very soul from his core// Covered in blood, he rose to his feet, caught a breath of fresh air and grabbed his M..K.. 3// As he started to run in pursuit of his family, he said with a smirk "thank god for James Paris Lee"//

06-24-2013, 11:42 PM	#5
Coup Don't believe the hype Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 572 Battle Record: 4-5 Rep Power: 0	nice story...easy to follow nicely unfolded. a bit wordy, rhyme pattern was mad predictable...but all in all this was a nice flip off a movie that inspired ya. __________________ What is public must be legit, fit for average consumption, don't forget. What is private is handled by pirates, prying loose profits from prosthetics. To tell the difference between: first remain unseen with a steady breath and hope, then listen to the cracks in the wall with a stethoscope.

06-24-2013, 11:20 PM	#2
Advocate Member Join Date: Jun 2013 Location: Harlem, NY Posts: 57 Rep Power: 37	Damn?! I gotta say that was a story I wasn't expecting. Lol the Jews strike back! It was a good drop, especially considering it was your first one on the site. I appreciate the feedback you had gave me on my latest post. It's always nice to get constructive advice, and I try to give that back to those who do so. Lol but back to your post, I wasn't sure if it was a rhyme or poetry. The only thing I'm gonna tell you is work on how you structure your post. Other than that, it was still a good read and you demonstrated good illustration wit your words. Keep it up!