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-   -   Jew Story (http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=8034)

Minds 06-24-2013 10:38 PM

Jew Story
 
I was watchin inglorious bastards and got bored. Let me know what yall think. I plan on feedin back on others but figured i drop one verse so you know who's giving you feed. (James Lee invented the MK3 Enfield)

It was 1931, when two young kids fell in love marrying in mid-June//
They moved to the country to settle their roots, hoping one day their family would bloom//
They spent the next 11 years tryin to fill an empty room, while prayin to God to deliver a child to them soon//
Then during the harvest of 42', God delivered a baby boy to Mr. and Mrs. Stys; two polish born Jews//
But fate had a slightly different ending in mind and decided to send the world's war to the country side//
But Mr. Stys would rather fight than just surrender their lives so he swore to his wife that he would "protect them or die!"//
He opened the back window and watched the love of his life carry his only child off into the night//
================================================== ========
As the soldiers gathered outside, preparin to bust through the door//
Stys loaded his Enfield with the spare ammo he kept in the drawer//
He posted and waited, then took a deep breath as he cocked his MK 3//
THEN PROCEEDED TO FIRE AND UNLOAD INTO GERMANY!//
He took the first one down with a round through the knee//
And painted the stone wall with the second Nazi//
The third came from the side but Stys greeted him with his knife//
While the boy with the shredded knee began to scream at the sight//
He started cryin "Mad Jew, please don't take my life!"//
Ignoring his plea, Stys straddled the boy, pinning him to the floor//
And ripped him apart, tearing his very soul from his core//
Covered in blood, he rose to his feet, caught a breath of fresh air and grabbed his M..K.. 3//
As he started to run in pursuit of his family, he said with a smirk "thank god for James Paris Lee"//

Advocate 06-24-2013 11:20 PM

Damn?! I gotta say that was a story I wasn't expecting. Lol the Jews strike back! It was a good drop, especially considering it was your first one on the site. I appreciate the feedback you had gave me on my latest post. It's always nice to get constructive advice, and I try to give that back to those who do so. Lol but back to your post, I wasn't sure if it was a rhyme or poetry. The only thing I'm gonna tell you is work on how you structure your post. Other than that, it was still a good read and you demonstrated good illustration wit your words. Keep it up!

Minds 06-24-2013 11:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Advocate (Post 83044)
Damn?! I gotta say that was a story I wasn't expecting. Lol the Jews strike back! It was a good drop, especially considering it was your first one on the site. I appreciate the feedback you had gave me on my latest post. It's always nice to get constructive advice, and I try to give that back to those who do so. Lol but back to your post, I wasn't sure if it was a rhyme or poetry. The only thing I'm gonna tell you is work on how you structure your post. Other than that, it was still a good read and you demonstrated good illustration wit your words. Keep it up!

Thanks for words, I jotted it down and typed it up and I feel you on that peotry vibe. I didn't wanna edit it much cause I wanted to drop a quick one but you're right on the structure; needs some work.

Advocate 06-24-2013 11:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Minds (Post 83058)
Thanks for words, I jotted it down and typed it up and I feel you on that peotry vibe. I didn't wanna edit it much cause I wanted to drop a quick one but you're right on the structure; needs some work.

No problem! Overall good job.

Coup 06-24-2013 11:42 PM

nice story...easy to follow nicely unfolded. a bit wordy, rhyme pattern was mad predictable...but all in all this was a nice flip off a movie that inspired ya.

~RustyGunZ~ 06-25-2013 10:15 PM

I like this


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