An Unveiling

[Vulgar]

[

[Split]

Originally Posted by Vulgar

An Unveiling
The courtyard where poltergeists leave dirty messages on walls (they cosign me)

She’s a Humphrey Bogart damsel with a serious shortage of emotional content

Holding beads, cloves and sieves - idyllic masks crafted from foul operas
Her head’s pounding with headache 'cause she detached her crown chakra

those lines stood out to me as the creme of the crop. Loved seeing some of the traces of your old style. Seemed to be a synthesis of story-based narrative and historical imagery.

For me, it sounded like a handservant trying to make someone from the royal family presentable, proper, without sacrificing their panache. Coupled with a dude on a blind date trying to get a handle on this girl. Combined with a guy thinking about his flirtatious/ promiscuous girlfriend, who he doesnt want to lose that primal attraction to but at the same time is worried that unchecked she's gonna do her own thing right out of his arms

All of these laced into one another, smoothly, without ever coming into one resting state. it was like hippyflipping your problems into a sleep state

Always enjoyable. thanks for the read, Vulgar.

[Pharaohs Army]

haha very entertaining. "uber-rhymie" in a good way.

"a fake cologne of poetry
Chromosomally sewn with dopamine and age-old codeine rosaries
Holding beads, cloves and sieves - "

[Vulgar]

last

[Pinot Grij]

senseless deceit tends to be cheap

My favourite rhymes nowadays are these quick jabs in the middle of a line. I don't know what to call them, but they add so much to a piece.

She’s the antonym of a feminine mogul - a fake cologne of poetry
Chromosomally sewn with dopamine and age-old codeine rosaries

the "O" sound rhymes can so easily become played - we've seen all the "hope, rope, broke" rhyme done to death.. this was refreshing to see a scheme that can so easily be derailed used so effectively, especially "codeine rosaries"

The piece itself.. I did enjoy the portrayal of the vapidness of a certain class of modern woman with the use of classical allusions. I was more interested in the mechanics though. I dig your pieces because I feel like there's something to be learned in the writing style and this certainly had some nice mechanics.

[AndyHiro]

Vulgar, though I am unfamiliar with your work as a whole, you are clearly a polished writer with incredibly high level of technical skills. Skills that I wouldn't even attempt to match and obviously you put a lot of thought and effort into this. Everything is lucid, makes sense, and has a hypnotic rhyme scheme.

And keep in mind that this is only my opinion, so take it how you will. I see this as like a seasoned piano player who plays their keys perfectly and it sounds great on the surface but is lacking the power to provoke emotion, induce thought, or raise debate. Imperfections are what makes thing funky bro.And if that is not your goal here then that is fine as well.

Brahmavihara on the other hand was a grand piece of work. I could go further and break down why I feel this way about this piece but since I'm much better expressing at myself in rhyme I'll just say "I know that your sick, just wish that you'd switch, from monotone to monolith."