Netcees  

Go Back   Netcees > Forum > Open Mic Section
Register FAQ Community Calendar Today's Posts Search

User Tag List

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 08-02-2013, 11:00 PM   #1
Geno
White Earl
 
Geno's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Philly Cat.
Posts: 12,354
Battle Record: 10-15

Accomplishments
- Open Mic HOF (4x)

Champed
- Netcees Writers League
- Write Week I
- Write Week 8

Rep Power: 50036761
Geno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant future
Send a message via AIM to Geno
Default (Oats & Geno) ..And the World Keeps Spinning.

Geno..
Erryday im back breaking, slaving, sweats cascading for taxed wages
Outrageous, IRS denies my checks and witholds for back payments
Sad -ain't it, that my salary caps some teenage dollar bill hourly crap
I'd panhandle the corner, but my pride keeps on overpowering that
What would my daughter think, how could she be proud of her dad..
if I was holding a sign saying please, help me out with some cash
I ain't about to collapse, I'm bout to commit acts of a drowning father
Bothered, oatmeal, tell these fucking people why I'm about to hollar!

Oats..
the world revolves around the dollar, a dictated direction
so make the connection - "paper thin" measures how money shapes its dimensions
the Earth is flat again! we're slaves to this globalization deception
that distorts our perception; we live in a Mercator projection
crave the perfection, it's motivation for consumerist bidding
just synthetic value, like your answer to "what do you do for a living?"
it doesn't matter, as long as you stay true to the mission:
work tirelessly so you can pay your dues to the system

Geno..
that's a stupid depiction, but the goddamn truth is your right
Its far from unscrutable, your whole point of view is to fight
Intuitive types, but not a very suitable life for everybody I know
Cause most hungry people really can't stomache the blows
I've studied the ropes, and id survive where others would fail
Cause I can do without food, while other mutha fuckaz are frail
The kind of dust I've inhailed could break a mans lungs apart
From the start ive gone hard, but what about the ones who's soft

Oats..
hunger hawks over them - compared to comfort costs? Soberin'
when we could feed em easy with our weekly pumps of petroleum
but that argument's far from cogent when your strapped in the rat wheel
workin 9 to 9 you don't have time to imagine how that feels
tragic but that's real, at least it's the reality we've permitted
too passive with our positions, the gravity of indifference
sadly it's what we live with, imbalance that's clear as day
they say money comes and goes, but poverty's here to stay
__________________
-A.bove T.he R.est
Geno is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-03-2013, 11:26 PM   #2
YDK
ghost in the matrix
 
YDK's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Covington, KY
Posts: 4,563
Battle Record: 14-25


Champed
- Art of Writing League (x2)
- Lime Green Poetry Association

Rep Power: 8181113
YDK has a brilliant futureYDK has a brilliant futureYDK has a brilliant futureYDK has a brilliant futureYDK has a brilliant futureYDK has a brilliant futureYDK has a brilliant futureYDK has a brilliant futureYDK has a brilliant futureYDK has a brilliant futureYDK has a brilliant future
Default

Got damn this was nice fellas I wish I coulda got on this wit ya I def feel where y'all comin from I been workin 7 ta 7 tryna get money for my soon ta be born daughter so this shit hit me hard. A ton of emotion and you both kept the flow hot an the dialogue was a nice touch. Both pointed out real shit an the way it ended with the poverty's here to stay line really put the exclamation point on the whole piece. Real nice job guys hit me up next time lol
__________________
YDK is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-04-2013, 09:45 PM   #3
PiE
el es a la mode
 
PiE's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: slice of heaven
Posts: 94
Battle Record: 1-4



Rep Power: 37
PiE is on a distinguished road
Default

THIS IS FIRE.... Geno set it off nicely with a personal perspective of his job and being a working father... good flow and great passion both expressed... then oats backed it with a pragmatic narration of the whole economic system.. I was really feelng this on a flow and lyrical level and a personal one too..
__________________
PiE is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-05-2013, 01:09 AM   #4
BWHAHA
Sophomore Member
 
BWHAHA's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 176




Rep Power: 4754293
BWHAHA has a brilliant futureBWHAHA has a brilliant futureBWHAHA has a brilliant futureBWHAHA has a brilliant futureBWHAHA has a brilliant futureBWHAHA has a brilliant futureBWHAHA has a brilliant futureBWHAHA has a brilliant futureBWHAHA has a brilliant futureBWHAHA has a brilliant futureBWHAHA has a brilliant future
Default

oats is my friend! i like him he's very gewd. geno is always very cool and he did well in this. i feel a lot of the topics arent similar ubt they are in some way. i liked oats more because i always liked oats sttyle but geno is very awesome.
BWHAHA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-05-2013, 04:26 AM   #5
Certain
Mad fucking dangerous.
 
Certain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 12,066
Battle Record: 40-19


Champed
- AOWL Season 3
- Art of Writing League (2x)

Rep Power: 85899406
Certain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond reputeCertain has a reputation beyond repute
Default

I liked this a lot. You played off each other and balanced each other. Oats' sections stood out because he was flying above while Genocide brought things back to the ground level, which was important because that's how we entered in. I've been listening to some old OutKast, so my natural comparison here would be to Dre and Big Boi back on ATLiens.

A few favorite lines:

Quote:
"paper thin" measures how money shapes its dimensions
the Earth is flat again!
Quote:
Cause most hungry people really can't stomache the blows
Quote:
Soberin'
when we could feed em easy with our weekly pumps of petroleum
but that argument's far from cogent when your strapped in the rat wheel
__________________
I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.
Certain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-05-2013, 10:48 AM   #6
Pakistani Hand Cannon
Senior Member
 
Pakistani Hand Cannon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,230




Rep Power: 5303583
Pakistani Hand Cannon has a brilliant futurePakistani Hand Cannon has a brilliant futurePakistani Hand Cannon has a brilliant futurePakistani Hand Cannon has a brilliant futurePakistani Hand Cannon has a brilliant futurePakistani Hand Cannon has a brilliant futurePakistani Hand Cannon has a brilliant futurePakistani Hand Cannon has a brilliant futurePakistani Hand Cannon has a brilliant futurePakistani Hand Cannon has a brilliant futurePakistani Hand Cannon has a brilliant future
Default

really though...both you muhfukaz bodied this. i aint going into no technical detail cause i didnt even read it like that, imma just give it to you howeva i felt it...

maan i was reading the first verse like 'damn son is gettin off,' & then the way you passed that shit over
Quote:
I ain't about to collapse, I'm bout to commit acts of a drowning father
Bothered, oatmeal, tell these fucking people why I'm about to hollar!
i thought that shit was tough as fuck, whole first lil verse just set that tone like a muhfuka...& Oats aint let that shit slip for a second
Quote:
the world revolves around the dollar, a dictated direction
so make the connection - "paper thin" measures how money shapes its dimensions
the Earth is flat again! we're slaves to this globalization deception
that distorts our perception; we live in a Mercator projection
^ what i found ill was the switch, g.know on some lemme get this off my chest one time, then Oats just come in like lemme just school you niggas right quick...man the shit was nice. & i aint miss the truths up in Oats verse at all,
Quote:
just synthetic value, like your answer to "what do you do for a living?
i fux with the message behind that whole first verse Oats, ^ just like the way you put that.

keeping it true to how i felt it, both you niggaz lost a lil steem with your second, but that aint all that a negative critique.
Quote:
I've studied the ropes, and id survive where others would fail
Cause I can do without food, while other mutha fuckaz are frail
The kind of dust I've inhailed could break a mans lungs apart
g.know ^ these three lines to me dont fit, iunno if you intended it to come of on some brash type shit, or paint the contrast, but to me i got the brashness off these lines more that anything...< thats about the only crique ive got.
Quote:
From the start ive gone hard, but what about the ones who's soft
a dope line for the meaning & cause of what proceeded it.
Quote:
workin 9 to 9 you don't have time to imagine how that feels
another line that i thought was nice, nothing clever, more just for the simple fucking realness that so many overlook. Oats you closed it off just how the shit deserved.

fuck else can i say, props to both you muhfukaz you done right on this,

#1 be eeasy
Pakistani Hand Cannon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-05-2013, 06:50 PM   #7
Sho Money EMG
Senior Member
 
Sho Money EMG's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Zooyork
Posts: 2,124
Battle Record: 7-12



Rep Power: 0
Sho Money EMG Sho Money EMG Sho Money EMG Sho Money EMG Sho Money EMG Sho Money EMG Sho Money EMG Sho Money EMG Sho Money EMG Sho Money EMG Sho Money EMG
Send a message via AIM to Sho Money EMG
Default

Got damn where do I start? Just gotta say gen the beginning was rediculously dope lol... Omg... Oat def kept it up vocab was great.... See it pieces like this that inspire me to write... Second part continued on wonderful... Great job here imagery was perfect... Def keep dropping both and gen ill be checking more of ur stuff out now...
__________________
Sho Money | Camp Bell
Team Alpha
EMG
This site is whack
Sho Money EMG is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-05-2013, 06:52 PM   #8
Sho Money EMG
Senior Member
 
Sho Money EMG's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Zooyork
Posts: 2,124
Battle Record: 7-12



Rep Power: 0
Sho Money EMG Sho Money EMG Sho Money EMG Sho Money EMG Sho Money EMG Sho Money EMG Sho Money EMG Sho Money EMG Sho Money EMG Sho Money EMG Sho Money EMG
Send a message via AIM to Sho Money EMG
Default

My fav part was the beginning

Quote:
Erryday im back breaking, slaving, sweats cascading for taxed wages
Outrageous, IRS denies my checks and witholds for back payments
Sad -ain't it, that my salary caps some teenage dollar bill hourly crap
I'd panhandle the corner, but my pride keeps on overpowering that
What would my daughter think, how could she be proud of her dad..
if I was holding a sign saying please, help me out with some cash
Doesn't get much better than thisb
__________________
Sho Money | Camp Bell
Team Alpha
EMG
This site is whack
Sho Money EMG is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:42 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2025 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Google+