"Pennyford Blue"

[sral]

"Pennyford Blue"


The seven seas never seem short of a tale.
“Let her free!” the vessel leaves, adorning its sails.
Setting forth in a gale against the black of the night
as intrepid waters prevail, they’re carried from sight.
A flagon in right hand, hook in the left,
the captain arrives with rum on his breath.
He stumbles on deck of the Pennyford Blue
for a public address to his cretinous crew.
“To treasure and booty,” came the guttural roar
“If you pledge me your duty, there’s enough for us all!”
The others onboard then clapped as they yelled
in sudden applause for the man at the helm.
Captain LeVell was a porthole of a man
but could look after himself were the moment to pass.
He’d disposed of his hand when at odds to be free,
as Redbeard showed him the plank and he dropped to the sea.
Watching it bleed, he gnawed to find an escape,
- a true seadog with the teeth for a fight, as we say!
Some pirates had claimed he was done and rejoiced
with surprise on the faces of landlubbers ahoy
when they discovered him coiled up one night on the beach
discoloured but buoyed, like them there devices at sea.
The tide doesn’t sleep, though it often relents,
and neither would he as he plotted revenge.
He wanted them dead, reduced to a pulp,
by an ensemble of men with proven results.
A crew of old salts, all colours and creeds,
grouped with hopefuls then took to the sea.
Looking to seek vengeance on Redbeard and his men
cut ‘em to pieces o’ eight and leave ‘em for dead!
Which leads to our quest for Redbeard and his gold
to seasoned adventurers, these seas are their home.
Every beach, every cove, every opening and passage
every secret it holds is known to the captain.
And so the advantage was his in pursuit
as they row with abandon and he considers their move.
The ship and its crew adjusting the bow
as LeVell instantly knew where to look for his foe!
He took to his scope, lookin’ east as the crow flies,
instructin’ his covey to what he’d seen with his own eyes.
Their belief in the old timer proved a trusted source
as they creeped up its lone side and then jumped aboard!
A rush of swords soared through the breeze
as cut-throat corsairs fall to the sea.
They brawl under siege, with both sides losin’ men,
‘til Redbeard’s brought to his knees in a fight to the death!
LeVell had eyes of resentment, cold as the sea,
as it was time to avenge his only defeat.
The very moment he reached for the sheath on his cutlass
he felt a blow that would see him bleed from his stomach.
The greedy curmudgeon had waited alone
to make sure his leader was bludgeoned ‘fore he made away with the gold!
There’s no place for heroes in this grey, timeless, abyss
but that’s the way that it blows -
double-crossed like the flag waved high from the ship...

[Zen]

Alias I'm assuming?

This reminded me of something I wrote before in AOWL Season One, but this was written much better. Personally I think you'd fare very well in the league whenever it starts back up. There was a nice description of the setting and events, along with excellent character development of the captain. The star of this was your writing though. Excellent work. I look forward to your next work.

Peace.

[sral]

its Lars bruh

just fed your 'but self destruction' ish at RB

[NYCSPITZ]

obvi backwards name is obvi

good shit

[Zen]

I'm an idiot.

[gitto138]

First time a smile was put on my face by reading a piece very clever and poetic, spot on lad,,

[sral]

damn Eng pushed my shit to page 2 hours after it was posted lol

[UnbornBuddha]

This was just good writing. The actual story itself was okay, it obviously has been told. But this is still a most excellent retelling. The fine wording, and the resonance that this emits is very fined tuned to the schematics intended to be portrayed. The language is the right kind of opaque for the setting, and theme. The complexity of the rhyming that was okay, not the highlight. And I don't believe it was intended to be so. What is most riveting is the poetic flair that you juggle with, and infuse with the stylistic story telling elements that makes for a lucid reading. Thank you.

[Paradigm]

a few lines had barely off rhymes but thats me nitpicking. Great story and twist at the end. My favorite line was was the double cross/flag imagery. Nothing else really to say but dope.

rtf if you get the chance - http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=87231

[sral]

I got you @Paradigm

[Certain]

The rhyming obviously was impressive, but I think you could have used a bit more sign-posting and guides for the reader. Breaking stanzas and shifting tones and being a bit more detailed in the storytelling rather than the backstory could have brought this up a notch or two. I also would have liked a bit on the guy who shot our protagonist. But this was a good story, particularly when some of the pirate generic stuff was scraped away. I wanted more of the action.

[PancakeBrah]

Cool little story. You deserve props for the non-stop stream of rhymes that never felt forced and the accessibility of this piece. Very easy to read and get into the narrative while still displaying top line rhyming. Difficult to do. The story was fun if not derivative. It was interesting, though, and kept my attention throughout.

"Keep that pen moving!"