Freedom in Debt

Zen · 04-25-2013, 11:57 AM

No show verse from the AOWL.

Three days after the bombing and it's a police state in Boston,
"Proceed with you days in caution," Shit, I'm in a daze of exhaustion,
Crazed and nauseous, This place has lost it as the fear consumes,
We're near the doom it's here entombed in your mind, There it's
Embedded from the crimes of terriosts,
"Don't go outside!! Thats careless!! You'll Die!! You'll Perish!!"
Sidewalks lined with sheriffs and soldiers that told us to keep a heightened awareness
These days, We need a police state to be safe? Gee...Great...
We can't even see straight but they relay a message today
That they wanna take our weapons away, And with us left in disarray
With people dyin and bleedin they may find a reason
To believe it's time, it's needed, Grab a petition and sign and release it
To the mass in the street to get past their grief
So we can at last be at ease, But I'm one who happens to believe
My guns a defense, But when something hits like this people get up against
And rushed and pissed on the cusp of fits because of lies from politicians
That go by on a mission to find a higher position of power,
So in this hour that desires redemption from cowards
It becomes a need to campaign, They see the slain as a way to win an election
With bits of deception that gets us guessin
About our neighbors, Though devout in prayer, Every kid in Islam
Is equipped with bombs, Least that's what they spout in the papers,
I'll say aloud I wager that now or later we'll want them bound and tapered
To get the hoards calm, The way I see them they're prayin with sore palms,
"They hate us because of our freedom," Well they oughta love us before long....

Greed · 04-25-2013, 01:10 PM

First half was effortless, not an excellent wrap up but for what its worth you stayed on topic. Thanks for the feed.

Just Write · 04-25-2013, 07:25 PM

yo my dude ima twist one up and sit down at my computer and give this the love it deserves aight.. be back

Zen · 04-27-2013, 02:37 PM

Feed. Now.

EndSane · 04-28-2013, 02:45 AM

This was pretty good but as I read I got a tad bit disinterested. Not saying is wasnt good because it was true to the nature of the topic. Thought u may have just rhymed a little too much and took away content. But being on rr for a bit I would rather read a bunch of fucking rhymes then a complete story with very few rhymes and half the time aren't even Multies..

It stayed on topic and had a good vibe too it.. Didnt really care for the closer thought you could of ended on a tad better note tbh. Something more concrete I guess but a rally good verse nevertheless. I would defly read again and I did twice. Like I said tho maybe add a little more content and imagery but it's hard when u are actually rhyming so it didnt take away from it too much...

Good shit

Zen · 04-29-2013, 01:53 PM

Appreciate that @EndSane and @Just Write you forgettin something? lol

Fig · 04-29-2013, 10:48 PM

Your rhyme scheme was twistin n turnin all over the place lol. Not to say that's a bad thing, I thought it was different... different meaning good btw.

This definitely feels like a verse from the AOWL, it stays on topic and is carefull not to veer off. I nearly lost interest towards the end however. cool piece man.

Just Write · 04-30-2013, 11:39 AM

this was pretty good bro, first like 2/3 were just buttery smooth with maybe 1-2 hiccups but the very real and NOW relative content made up for it for sure. the last little bit seemed like it was rushed to be ended but me and you already talked about that haha i have the same problem. all in all though this was a nice piece.. if i get a chance ill edit in some of my favorite line but for the most part i dug it as a whole

@buddah there's yo feed beeyotch lol

Zen · 04-30-2013, 12:11 PM

Appreciate that you two. Yeah I rushed not just the ending but the whole thing I just sat down bored and shit this out lol

Dove Dozer · 05-03-2013, 11:20 PM

I loved how this flowed. I thought it was fluid .. but maybe its how it reads a little weird, like where i ended my bars they werent on the end. But as i was reading it with some swag, it has a nice cadence to it. So i enjoyed that aspect alot. Id like to hear how you intended for it to sound so record it sometine.. i like deep topics like this. On some conscious vibe. Definitely feeling the content. Good work bro. Keep the pen moving.

04-25-2013, 11:57 AM	#1
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	Freedom in Debt No show verse from the AOWL. Three days after the bombing and it's a police state in Boston, "Proceed with you days in caution," Shit, I'm in a daze of exhaustion, Crazed and nauseous, This place has lost it as the fear consumes, We're near the doom it's here entombed in your mind, There it's Embedded from the crimes of terriosts, "Don't go outside!! Thats careless!! You'll Die!! You'll Perish!!" Sidewalks lined with sheriffs and soldiers that told us to keep a heightened awareness These days, We need a police state to be safe? Gee...Great... We can't even see straight but they relay a message today That they wanna take our weapons away, And with us left in disarray With people dyin and bleedin they may find a reason To believe it's time, it's needed, Grab a petition and sign and release it To the mass in the street to get past their grief So we can at last be at ease, But I'm one who happens to believe My guns a defense, But when something hits like this people get up against And rushed and pissed on the cusp of fits because of lies from politicians That go by on a mission to find a higher position of power, So in this hour that desires redemption from cowards It becomes a need to campaign, They see the slain as a way to win an election With bits of deception that gets us guessin About our neighbors, Though devout in prayer, Every kid in Islam Is equipped with bombs, Least that's what they spout in the papers, I'll say aloud I wager that now or later we'll want them bound and tapered To get the hoards calm, The way I see them they're prayin with sore palms, "They hate us because of our freedom," Well they oughta love us before long.... Last edited by Zen; 04-25-2013 at 01:34 PM.

04-25-2013, 07:25 PM	#3
Just Write Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 1,709 Battle Record: 9-12 Rep Power: 4997617	yo my dude ima twist one up and sit down at my computer and give this the love it deserves aight.. be back __________________

04-29-2013, 10:48 PM	#7
Fig Om Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 6,461 Battle Record: 8-16 Rep Power: 84181562	Your rhyme scheme was twistin n turnin all over the place lol. Not to say that's a bad thing, I thought it was different... different meaning good btw. This definitely feels like a verse from the AOWL, it stays on topic and is carefull not to veer off. I nearly lost interest towards the end however. cool piece man. __________________ BIRDHORSE 8-15

04-30-2013, 11:39 AM	#8
Just Write Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 1,709 Battle Record: 9-12 Rep Power: 4997617	this was pretty good bro, first like 2/3 were just buttery smooth with maybe 1-2 hiccups but the very real and NOW relative content made up for it for sure. the last little bit seemed like it was rushed to be ended but me and you already talked about that haha i have the same problem. all in all though this was a nice piece.. if i get a chance ill edit in some of my favorite line but for the most part i dug it as a whole @buddah there's yo feed beeyotch lol __________________

05-03-2013, 11:20 PM	#10
Dove Dozer loose leaf bruce lee Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 1,077 Battle Record: 7-6 Rep Power: 1853216	I loved how this flowed. I thought it was fluid .. but maybe its how it reads a little weird, like where i ended my bars they werent on the end. But as i was reading it with some swag, it has a nice cadence to it. So i enjoyed that aspect alot. Id like to hear how you intended for it to sound so record it sometine.. i like deep topics like this. On some conscious vibe. Definitely feeling the content. Good work bro. Keep the pen moving. __________________

04-25-2013, 01:10 PM	#2
Greed Raw Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 1,721 Battle Record: 21-40 Rep Power: 29975687	First half was effortless, not an excellent wrap up but for what its worth you stayed on topic. Thanks for the feed.

04-27-2013, 02:37 PM	#4
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	Feed. Now.

04-28-2013, 02:45 AM	#5
EndSane Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 88 Battle Record: 0-1 Champed Challenge Week I Challenge Week II Challenge Week III Challenge Week IV Challenge Week V Challenge Week VI Challenge Week VII Challenge Week VIII Challenge Week IX Challenge Week X Rep Power: 38	This was pretty good but as I read I got a tad bit disinterested. Not saying is wasnt good because it was true to the nature of the topic. Thought u may have just rhymed a little too much and took away content. But being on rr for a bit I would rather read a bunch of fucking rhymes then a complete story with very few rhymes and half the time aren't even Multies.. It stayed on topic and had a good vibe too it.. Didnt really care for the closer thought you could of ended on a tad better note tbh. Something more concrete I guess but a rally good verse nevertheless. I would defly read again and I did twice. Like I said tho maybe add a little more content and imagery but it's hard when u are actually rhyming so it didnt take away from it too much... Good shit

04-29-2013, 01:53 PM	#6
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	Appreciate that @EndSane and @Just Write you forgettin something? lol

04-30-2013, 12:11 PM	#9
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	Appreciate that you two. Yeah I rushed not just the ending but the whole thing I just sat down bored and shit this out lol