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#1 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,145
Battle Record: 1-1
Champed - Guerrilla writing league
Rep Power: 19240095 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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somethin almost always seems wrong cuz i'm an obsessive hyperchondriac
but nothin seeks to move on in the mind of a bright insomniac thoughts on the attack all the time cuz i'm conned into facts that arent actually facts half the time every good thing we had, society got rid of it and that's just one little shrivel to my anxiety's derivative splashes of inner acids arent so spastic when i'm blasted off these self-induced fantastics, feelings the never lasted teenage addicts so dope at it, these kids learn to die with passion thoughts jammed up in traffic, bitch burn alive, unfasten give our minds a break, or at least a clear perspective no brain food on the plate so it's time to get obsessive create our mistakes of shit, live and wallow our own shit bake up cakes of shit so we can swallow our own shit and just absorb some more shit, til we cant even handle it my pores stink so bad of bullshit i'd explode if a candle's lit so tired of this hell burning scars on my soul so scared that if i fell i'd be stuck in a hole never got a sense of self unless of course i was stoned so i'll indulge in the caffeine stabilize my moods with a few puffs of the nicotine pacin circles in the street to weigh out thoughts of wicked scenes and i could never see a way to climb out this fiend that takes over me while i'm gettin chased in my dreams just to awake from my sleep after it strangles esteem man i cant WAIT for the day that i get back at this beast soak its sorry ass in gasoline and smile as it starts to scream do exactly as it did to me and poke a hole in what was clean drain out everything they deemed serene but still have dreams of chocolate-covered dopamine |
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#2 |
Arm the Homeless
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,102
Battle Record: 22-24
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 35079722 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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Pretty enjoyable read here for the most part. I gotta admit though I didn't like opening lines and the shit lines towards the middle. They just came off a little weak to me but the rest flowed pretty fuckin good especially blasted rhyming section. Kinda made me think of a female version of slim shady lol. Good drop alli. Would appreciate feed on a piece of mine if you get time. I'll drop a link.
http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=21408 Last edited by Zen; 10-04-2013 at 11:24 PM. |
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